2010
And so it begins. A new decade is about to dawn. Ten years ago, I was about to open a whole new chapter of my life. And here on the cusp of another decade, I am yet again embarking on a new journey.
The new journey is about no apologies. I am a continuously evolving being, and there is no judgement in my new reality.
I have learned that for 34 years, I lived my life for other people, with the goal of making them happy so they would love me. Morphing into the shapes and colors that other desired to see. My fear of abandonment, rejection & lonliness has shut me out of what could be true happiness & fulfillment.
This year, I lost some of the most important, influential friendships of my adult life. The grief has been intense, and has lasted most of the year to verying degrees of severity.
It's also been a year of the most incredible triumphs and hopes of my life. I conquered my fear of swimming. I learned that there is hope for my hip through better, more durable hip replacement surgery. I learned I am stronger than I ever imagined. I learned that truly, I am the only person that can take real care of myself. No one else can have that burden. I am not a child anymore.
"I am not a child anymore."
I have come to accept the loss of my childhood. I have learned to stop chasing after it, chasing after people that fit the bill of the mother or father I never had. It simply is what it is. "Victim" is no longer a part of my vocabulary. I don't reject my past, because it is part of who I am, I cannot deny or change my own history. However I can choose to not be defined by it. I can choose to put that book back on the shelf, pick up a pen and paper, and start writing my new book.
That is what this blog is all about.
No bullshit. No vanity. Just pure and simply my soul, my thoughts- be they good or bad. I want to document my growth as I start this new stage of life.
The new journey is about no apologies. I am a continuously evolving being, and there is no judgement in my new reality.
I have learned that for 34 years, I lived my life for other people, with the goal of making them happy so they would love me. Morphing into the shapes and colors that other desired to see. My fear of abandonment, rejection & lonliness has shut me out of what could be true happiness & fulfillment.
This year, I lost some of the most important, influential friendships of my adult life. The grief has been intense, and has lasted most of the year to verying degrees of severity.
It's also been a year of the most incredible triumphs and hopes of my life. I conquered my fear of swimming. I learned that there is hope for my hip through better, more durable hip replacement surgery. I learned I am stronger than I ever imagined. I learned that truly, I am the only person that can take real care of myself. No one else can have that burden. I am not a child anymore.
"I am not a child anymore."
I have come to accept the loss of my childhood. I have learned to stop chasing after it, chasing after people that fit the bill of the mother or father I never had. It simply is what it is. "Victim" is no longer a part of my vocabulary. I don't reject my past, because it is part of who I am, I cannot deny or change my own history. However I can choose to not be defined by it. I can choose to put that book back on the shelf, pick up a pen and paper, and start writing my new book.
That is what this blog is all about.
No bullshit. No vanity. Just pure and simply my soul, my thoughts- be they good or bad. I want to document my growth as I start this new stage of life.