when I think about it.....

[moldypotatochip]

When I think about staying, I feel like it's the wrong choice. Like I am supposed to do something else after this. Like I want to do a lot of things in a lot of places

Comments

[bleuvii]

Hmmm... I remember feeling this exact same thing last April as I was contemplating staying a 3rd year at my school. I probably could have just quoted those words. There's two things I can say right away:

First, Darcy, you are the type of person where you are going to make meaningful connections, bless people, and be blessed by them wherever you go. No matter what, you're going to have to go through a relational mourning process when you leave, but know that if you go somewhere else, you will form new relationships. It's just in your personality.

Second, I feel like I know you well enough to say that Asakawa is the wrong place for you at this point in your life. I've seen you on the days when you love it, and I've seen you on the days when you hate it. Taking those two together, I wonder if you'd be able to survive for a fourth year without some emotional scarring. I hope that even if you decide to stay in Japan, you look at going to a place where you can be around people more.

There's a lot more I could write. I may just write you a letter. But don't expect it today; I'm pretty busy today.

[moldypotatochip]

I don't want you to feel like it will emotionally scar me... goodness knows I felt like I was going to die last year and I stayed another year haha. I actually feel better now than I did then.... but even though I wanted so badly to leave last time, I felt that my reasons for doing so were more selfish and more about what I wanted than thinking about what God wanted me to do.... which is why I stayed another year after all. I'm not saying that I really want to stay in Japan, but if I feel God wants me to, I will do that. At this point, though, I feel that not much would change by me staying longer.... maybe I'm wrong.... and I also feel that by staying longer I might miss opportunities in other places. Though I'm not sure where I should be going yet, I feel that it's time to set out with something else, and I don't want to hold off just because I love my job and I can live comfortably. I want to step out and take chances if I feel that is what I am supposed to be doing.

[bleuvii]

Yeah... poor choice of words there. I really wish there were an "edit" button. :/ What I mean is that being alone so much for so long permanently changes people's personalities, thus leaving a "scar." I know because I've been there, and I'm currently trying to figure out how to get my old self back, or whether it's even possible.

But I know that you are a strong person, and that you will follow God's direction no matter the cost to yourself. I've never doubted that about you.

[moldypotatochip]

But..... if you give something up following God you will end up with more than what you gave. That means even though it seems hard it is undoubtedly the thing to do.

[bleuvii]

Yes. Absolutely. And if God tells you to stay in Asakawa for another year, I will be disappointed if you don't. But if you have the opportunity to move to another place and be around people more, no matter what country that's in, I hope you take it.