Distance (Final chapter part 1)
Title: Distance
Author: Moko
Pairing: Ohmiya, Yama, slight Aimiya
Rating: R
Genre: AU, drama, romance...
Disclaimer: The story comes from my brain...?
Beta-ed by bluemonstar ! Love you dear ♥!
Summary: When Ohno has to get married, his long relationship with Nino comes to an end against his wish. But 3 years later, Nino suddenly reappears in his life.
Notes: Ohno's POV
Sooooo that was fast, for once... =D Pretty unusual these times xD But I promised to update ASAP, so I did! =D Hope you'll like the end ^^
Chapterlist
Chapter 9:
When Sho comes back home that night, I’m in the kitchen, cooking. At the beginning of our life here together, my cooking skills were quite limited, but since I did it almost everyday, I have improved.
My mind is full of confused thoughts about how I’m gonna tell him. Saying ‘I slept with Nino’ is a big no-no, he would be angry immediately. ‘I cheated on you’ isn’t any better too. But starting with ‘Sho, I’m sorry’ isn’t good either, so what ?
I shouldn’t have started all that from the beginning. I shouldn’t have given in. But it’s too late to have regrets now.
Sho walks in the room, he looks tired.
« I’m home… »
« Welcome back » I greet him with a little voice.
He drops his bag on a chair.
« Do you feel better ? » he asks then.
I turn my eyes away but nod. Is he really worried ? I wish he was.
« Thank you » I whisper, unable to look at his face properly.
I can’t see his expression, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to see what’s hiding in his eyes. I hear him walking outside of the room. I have to tell him.
« Sho… »
He stops.
I take a deep beath. What should I say ?
« Hmm ? » he hurries me, but I’m not ready !
« No, nothing… »
~~~~~~~~~~
In the end, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him.
The day after, I wait for Sho to go to work before getting up, trying to hear everything he’s doing. After his shower, he’s nearly ready to leave, but a phonecall stops him. He doesn’t stay a long time on the phone, and the bedroom is too far away from the entrance for me to hear distinctly what he’s saying. I don’t particularly care, anyway. It must be someone from his work, I guess.
Then, the door gets closed, and I sigh. I should stop, really. Especially that Sho might think I’m really sleeping a lot, going to bed early and getting up late. That’s too weird.
I walk away from the bedroom, planning to spend several minutes wandering around the house before getting dressed.
But when I arrive in the living room, I stop walking. There, sitting on the couch, looking bored, is Sho.
I stare at him, bewildered, and he turns his eyes toward me. We remain like that for a long time just looking at each other. For a moment I thought I was about to die because of the fear, but I’m still alive, unfortunately.
Then, Sho gets up. I don’t want to imagine what he’s about to say !
« I recieved a phonecall just now… From Jun » he says calmly.
Jun ?! What the….
Okay, calm down… Breath…
« He told me about your father’s debts… » he adds. « Why didn’t you tell me ? »
I tighten my lips, trying to breath slowly, though I’m not calm at all. It’s time for me now to stop running away, stop avoiding important things.
« Because… » I stammer. Short silence. « Because I don’t want you to help me. »
« Why ? » he replies, something reproachful in his voice.
« It’s… It’s not your problem… It’s mine… »
My whole body is trembling. Sho steps closer just a bit, and I don’t move.
« Of course it is, Satoshi, we’re married » he replies. « If you had told me, I would have paid it right away… I heard someone threatened you ! »
I drop my gaze to the ground. « I don’t… I don’t want you to use your money for my family’s problems. You earned it… »
« I didn’t earn it to keep it for myself… That’s what mariage is about. »
« But I can’t… I don’t want you to do that ! » I say a bit louder.
« So tell me why ! »
He looks really serious, now. We both are.
« Because I don’t deserve it ! » I say sharply.
He sighs loudly, as if desperate. I know what he wants to tell me, and that it seems like I didn’t get it at all, but I did. I agree with him, but in my case, it doesn’t make sense.
« I guess there’s something you misunderstood about me » he says calmly in a breath, and I look up, a bit surprised.
I raise my eyebrows.
« What… ? » I mumble, darting my eyes away.
« I love you »
He’s looking at me with an expression I can’t read through.
Anyway, I can no longer think properly. Did he just said… ?
I don’t know where to look at… My hands come to touch my face for an unknown reason, and I can’t breath.
I let myself fall on the floor, my legs unable to hold me anymore. There’s nothing more to say. It just can’t be.
Sho kneels down in front of me, concerned, but I don’t look at him. My eyes remain down, and I feel like he tries to touch me, but give up on the idea.
« Satoshi…. ? »
« Wh- Why didn’t you say it earlier ? » I ask, floundering, trying to remove some hair from my face.
« I thought…. I didn’t know about it, actually… I guess I never thought about it before… But recently I just realized how much I do… I… »
« But I cheated on you, Sho » I cut him off. My voice isn’t loud, by it’s trembling. « I slept with someone else… Do you still love me ? »
He tightens his lips. « With Ninomiya ? I knew… »
This time, I look up.
« You knew ? »
« I saw you… with him… That night when I got drunk. Which led me to do things I really shouldn’t have done… » he says, and I can hear regret in his voice.
« You… You remember ? » I stammer.
« Only parts of it… »
I lower my head, my hair falling back on my face. I never wondered what feelings were hiding behind what Sho did… But now, is he trying to say he did it because he loves me ? Because he was jealous ? It doesn’t change what happened. It doesn’t change a thing !
« Why didn’t you stop me, then ? » I ask softly.
He stays silent for a minute. I wipe my face, unable to make myself look at him. The only part of him I can see are his knees.
« Because you had so many troubles, and I had the feelings that… You are so close and yet so far… always unreachable… Satoshi… »
I feel his hands on my face, removing some strands of hair again, and making me look up by cupping my cheeks.
« I won’t let you go » he says then, his voice calm and relaxing, as if he wanted to calm down all these feelings inside of me.
« I don’t want to leave » I answer with a strangled voice. « Sho, I’m sorry… »
I try to breath normally. And I see a little smile appearing onto Sho’s face. Sho’s hands fall back on his knees, now that my gaze remains on him.
« I want you to stop everything with Ninomiya… »
My jaw hang open. Stop everything ? That’s normal, even obvious. I knew I had to do it, but… It’s so difficult. It’ll be… Difficult, I mean…
It’s not the right time to think about my love for Kazu, now. Somehow, I’m relieved. I don’t know if Sho will forgive me, but at least he still wants of me, even after what I did.
But I’m not ready, yet…
« I’ll be late… » Sho suddenly states, breaking the silence.
He leans in toward me and our lips meet. It’s just a quick lips against lips kiss, but it’s still disturbing somehow. And when he gets up, picking up his bag on the floor, I’m sure I saw a little smile on his face.
Has he really forgive me ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Sho comes back home that night, he’s acting more casually toward me than during this past week. But there’s still something cold between us… And it’s not only his fault… Well, it’s mainly mine, after all…
After greeting me, he goes changing in the bedroom. As usual, I’m trying to do some calligraphy with the TV turned on. Two minutes later, he comes back to the living room and sits down cross-legged on the couch, behind me, my back leaned against it.
« Satoshi… » he says with a little voice.
Somehow, I expected him to be more… confident in front of me.
« Mmmh ? »
« There’s something I’d like to tell you… »
My face remain blank. « Wasn’t everything said this morning ? » I ask calmly.
« Not really. Actually, I met someone. »
He says that so straight-forwardly that I can’t help tensing up. What is this all about ?
« You did ? »
My voice is less confident. Is he trying to say he doesn’t want of me anymore ? He said he wouldn’t let me go this morning !
« Yeah… It’s a good person. A woman. You know I want children, don’t you ? »
I sigh with relief. So that’s what it was about…
« Yes… » At least I know that about Sho : he is meant to be a father. He loves children and children love him.
« And since you spend most of your days being bored at home, I suppose it’ll be a good thing for you too. To raise a child… »
I turn my head to see Sho’s gaze on me. He’s serious. I don’t like children much, and he knows it. But I won’t say I don’t want one. Even though the child won’t be really mine, since I’m definitely a man and can’t get pregnant.
« I… It’s… » I stutter. « Is it really what you want ? »
He nods determindly. « Actually, I can’t go back on my decision anymore, so I can’t really ask your opinion about it… »
« Is she already… ? »
He nods again. I dart my eyes away, confused.
« Why didn’t you tell me earlier… ? » I ask hesitantly, knowing that the answer will refer to the athmosphere of these days.
« I tried » he answers, embarrassed. « But you wouldn’t listen to me. »
I think back of each time Sho told me he had something to tell me and I escaped. Is that what he means by ‘You are so close and yet so far…’ ?
It’s my turn to nod now. Everthing that had happened left cold and hurt feelings in my heart that I can’t get rid of. And now he’s saying he was planning something for us behind my back, for our future, while I was cheating on him. I just stare at him, trying to make my face as blank as possible, but I don’t think I succeed. I wonder how much I hurt and will hurt all the people I care about, especially Sho and Nino. And I didn’t notice that fear of being left alone growing into my heart.
« Satoshi ? »
I look up, suddenly noticing the tears rolling down my cheeks. Sho leans forward and his fingers come wiping my face. I close my eyes. There’s so many things I’d like to ask. ‘Do you really forgive me ? Do you really love me after what I did ? After I made you suffer like this ?’
Then, I get up on my knees to approach my face to his. His fingers fall on his thighs, taking my hands in his. He slowly gets nearer to me, our lips brush for a second. But I suddenly back away a little.
Sho smiles nervously.
« When are we gonna… settle things clearly ? » I ask softly. « Between Nino and I… »
I wonder what Masaki told him. Because Kazu hasn’t called me for two days… Though he called me often before. I mean, when we were having an affair.
« I called Jun again during the day… I asked him some informations about your past relationship with Ninomiya… It seems like you used to be lovers before we got married… Do you still love him, now ? »
I’m unable to look at Sho. What if I answer I do ? Because I do. Kazu is… The person I used to show every little bit of myself to. He’s already a part of me, now. I guess I’ll never stop loving him.
So I just nod hesitantly. But I don’t say anything more. Will Sho understand if I tell him that ?
« I guess I can’t do anything against it… »
« Sho » I cut him off. He raises his eyebrows as I clench tighter to his hands. « Don’t leave me… Please. »
Even though I don’t mind loneliness sometimes, even need it, I never looked for the real thing. The real loneliness, the complete one, when you have nobody left who cares about you, that’s what I fear the most.
« I won’t » Sho answers, his smile is back. « I’ll never leave you… »
Then, he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight against him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
« Hi ! »
Masaki’s bright smile welcomes us at the entrance of their house. I didn’t expect that at all. He’s acting like a friend, as if nothing had happened. Or maybe he’s forcing himself. Because I wouldn’t be surprised if he says he hates me.
« Come in, Kazunari’s here… »
Sho’s standing just behind me. He was a bit reluctant about coming here, but he gave in to my arguments. I have to settle things.
We walk through the entrance, taking off our shoes, then follow Masaki toward the living room.
Kazu’s there. He sitting on a couch, lost in thoughts, his eyes fixed on the piano without seeing it. But Masaki doesn’t enter the room. Instead, he turns toward me, and nod in the direction of his husband.
« I guess you’d better have a talk, both of you… » he says, his voice soft and sad. Why sad ?
I tighten my lips, nodding. His twitch awkwardly.
I walk in the living room silently, and it takes sometime for Kazu to come back to his senses and notice I’m here. When he sees me, he smiles slightly.
« You came… »
I nod slowly, getting nearer to him. When we’re about a meter apart, he gets up, staring at me with an expression I know well on his face. It’s the same expression he had that night, when I had came to his apartment to tell him I was getting married.
« Sho came too, he’s with Masaki-kun… »
Kazu drops his eyes to the ground. I guess he doesn’t care much about Sho being here or not. I look toward the entrance of the room to see if they’re still there, but they’re not.
« I guess you know what happened » he says.
I nod again. Then, Kazu steps closer to me and one of his arms curl around my waist to drag me closer. I don’t try to push him away. Because he’s not doing that to be mean and cheat on anyone. I approach my face from his, staring straight into his eyes. Our lips brush, and I don’t try to back away though that’s apparently what he’s waiting for. He smirks, then moves his face away.
« You’re not making things easy » he sighs.
Then, he let go of me, and I remain paralyzed. I watch him let himself fall back onto the couch. He looks up at me and pat the empty place beside him for me to sit down. I do so, slowly, taking his hand into mine without a word.
« Masaki said he won’t forgive me » he says, biting his lips. « He said because he loves me, he won’t forgive me. »
Somehow, I can understand Masaki’s reasons. I squeeze Kazu’s hand slightly and he smiles.
« He’s so convinced that I forced you into doing it that whatever I can say, he answers that it’s all my fault. »
« That’s not true » I whisper, loud enough for him to hear.
« You can discuss about that with him if you want, but he can’t be budged… »
I make a promise to myself to talk to Masaki later. « What are you gonna do, then ? »
Kazu pouts. « No idea. He says he’ll try to overcome his sadness and maybe stay away from me for a bit… I guess I’ll just have to wait for him to be ready. »
« I didn’t mean to hurt him » I say, the guilt growing inside of me.
Kazu nods. Maybe he cares for Masaki more than I thought ?
« Sakurai paid for your father’s debts, didn’t he ? » he suddenly asks.
I raise an eyebrow, surprised. « How do you know about that ? »
« Jun told me… »
I lower my head, my eyes falling on our linked hands.
« He did. »
Yesterday, when Sho came back home, he told me that he had just paid it all. That evening, I called my sister to ask if everything was alright.
« With that, I guess we won’t see each other again… At least for some time » Kazu mumbles, his fingers now playing with mine.
I feel like there’s that thing I absolutely need to say, that I want him to know. « I won’t stop loving you, Kazu » I say quickly.
His smirk is back. I smile as well.
« I won’t either » he answers. « I never did… »
With that said, I approach my face nearer to Nino’s to steal a kiss, but his lips catch mine first, and we exchange a short but deep kiss. The last one… Maybe.
When Kazu and I get out of the living room, Sho and Masaki are talking in the kitchen, drinking a coffee. They seem to get along well, these two.
To part 2 + epilogue
Author: Moko
Pairing: Ohmiya, Yama, slight Aimiya
Rating: R
Genre: AU, drama, romance...
Disclaimer: The story comes from my brain...?
Beta-ed by bluemonstar ! Love you dear ♥!
Summary: When Ohno has to get married, his long relationship with Nino comes to an end against his wish. But 3 years later, Nino suddenly reappears in his life.
Notes: Ohno's POV
Sooooo that was fast, for once... =D Pretty unusual these times xD But I promised to update ASAP, so I did! =D Hope you'll like the end ^^
Chapterlist
Chapter 9:
When Sho comes back home that night, I’m in the kitchen, cooking. At the beginning of our life here together, my cooking skills were quite limited, but since I did it almost everyday, I have improved.
My mind is full of confused thoughts about how I’m gonna tell him. Saying ‘I slept with Nino’ is a big no-no, he would be angry immediately. ‘I cheated on you’ isn’t any better too. But starting with ‘Sho, I’m sorry’ isn’t good either, so what ?
I shouldn’t have started all that from the beginning. I shouldn’t have given in. But it’s too late to have regrets now.
Sho walks in the room, he looks tired.
« I’m home… »
« Welcome back » I greet him with a little voice.
He drops his bag on a chair.
« Do you feel better ? » he asks then.
I turn my eyes away but nod. Is he really worried ? I wish he was.
« Thank you » I whisper, unable to look at his face properly.
I can’t see his expression, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to see what’s hiding in his eyes. I hear him walking outside of the room. I have to tell him.
« Sho… »
He stops.
I take a deep beath. What should I say ?
« Hmm ? » he hurries me, but I’m not ready !
« No, nothing… »
~~~~~~~~~~
In the end, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him.
The day after, I wait for Sho to go to work before getting up, trying to hear everything he’s doing. After his shower, he’s nearly ready to leave, but a phonecall stops him. He doesn’t stay a long time on the phone, and the bedroom is too far away from the entrance for me to hear distinctly what he’s saying. I don’t particularly care, anyway. It must be someone from his work, I guess.
Then, the door gets closed, and I sigh. I should stop, really. Especially that Sho might think I’m really sleeping a lot, going to bed early and getting up late. That’s too weird.
I walk away from the bedroom, planning to spend several minutes wandering around the house before getting dressed.
But when I arrive in the living room, I stop walking. There, sitting on the couch, looking bored, is Sho.
I stare at him, bewildered, and he turns his eyes toward me. We remain like that for a long time just looking at each other. For a moment I thought I was about to die because of the fear, but I’m still alive, unfortunately.
Then, Sho gets up. I don’t want to imagine what he’s about to say !
« I recieved a phonecall just now… From Jun » he says calmly.
Jun ?! What the….
Okay, calm down… Breath…
« He told me about your father’s debts… » he adds. « Why didn’t you tell me ? »
I tighten my lips, trying to breath slowly, though I’m not calm at all. It’s time for me now to stop running away, stop avoiding important things.
« Because… » I stammer. Short silence. « Because I don’t want you to help me. »
« Why ? » he replies, something reproachful in his voice.
« It’s… It’s not your problem… It’s mine… »
My whole body is trembling. Sho steps closer just a bit, and I don’t move.
« Of course it is, Satoshi, we’re married » he replies. « If you had told me, I would have paid it right away… I heard someone threatened you ! »
I drop my gaze to the ground. « I don’t… I don’t want you to use your money for my family’s problems. You earned it… »
« I didn’t earn it to keep it for myself… That’s what mariage is about. »
« But I can’t… I don’t want you to do that ! » I say a bit louder.
« So tell me why ! »
He looks really serious, now. We both are.
« Because I don’t deserve it ! » I say sharply.
He sighs loudly, as if desperate. I know what he wants to tell me, and that it seems like I didn’t get it at all, but I did. I agree with him, but in my case, it doesn’t make sense.
« I guess there’s something you misunderstood about me » he says calmly in a breath, and I look up, a bit surprised.
I raise my eyebrows.
« What… ? » I mumble, darting my eyes away.
« I love you »
He’s looking at me with an expression I can’t read through.
Anyway, I can no longer think properly. Did he just said… ?
I don’t know where to look at… My hands come to touch my face for an unknown reason, and I can’t breath.
I let myself fall on the floor, my legs unable to hold me anymore. There’s nothing more to say. It just can’t be.
Sho kneels down in front of me, concerned, but I don’t look at him. My eyes remain down, and I feel like he tries to touch me, but give up on the idea.
« Satoshi…. ? »
« Wh- Why didn’t you say it earlier ? » I ask, floundering, trying to remove some hair from my face.
« I thought…. I didn’t know about it, actually… I guess I never thought about it before… But recently I just realized how much I do… I… »
« But I cheated on you, Sho » I cut him off. My voice isn’t loud, by it’s trembling. « I slept with someone else… Do you still love me ? »
He tightens his lips. « With Ninomiya ? I knew… »
This time, I look up.
« You knew ? »
« I saw you… with him… That night when I got drunk. Which led me to do things I really shouldn’t have done… » he says, and I can hear regret in his voice.
« You… You remember ? » I stammer.
« Only parts of it… »
I lower my head, my hair falling back on my face. I never wondered what feelings were hiding behind what Sho did… But now, is he trying to say he did it because he loves me ? Because he was jealous ? It doesn’t change what happened. It doesn’t change a thing !
« Why didn’t you stop me, then ? » I ask softly.
He stays silent for a minute. I wipe my face, unable to make myself look at him. The only part of him I can see are his knees.
« Because you had so many troubles, and I had the feelings that… You are so close and yet so far… always unreachable… Satoshi… »
I feel his hands on my face, removing some strands of hair again, and making me look up by cupping my cheeks.
« I won’t let you go » he says then, his voice calm and relaxing, as if he wanted to calm down all these feelings inside of me.
« I don’t want to leave » I answer with a strangled voice. « Sho, I’m sorry… »
I try to breath normally. And I see a little smile appearing onto Sho’s face. Sho’s hands fall back on his knees, now that my gaze remains on him.
« I want you to stop everything with Ninomiya… »
My jaw hang open. Stop everything ? That’s normal, even obvious. I knew I had to do it, but… It’s so difficult. It’ll be… Difficult, I mean…
It’s not the right time to think about my love for Kazu, now. Somehow, I’m relieved. I don’t know if Sho will forgive me, but at least he still wants of me, even after what I did.
But I’m not ready, yet…
« I’ll be late… » Sho suddenly states, breaking the silence.
He leans in toward me and our lips meet. It’s just a quick lips against lips kiss, but it’s still disturbing somehow. And when he gets up, picking up his bag on the floor, I’m sure I saw a little smile on his face.
Has he really forgive me ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Sho comes back home that night, he’s acting more casually toward me than during this past week. But there’s still something cold between us… And it’s not only his fault… Well, it’s mainly mine, after all…
After greeting me, he goes changing in the bedroom. As usual, I’m trying to do some calligraphy with the TV turned on. Two minutes later, he comes back to the living room and sits down cross-legged on the couch, behind me, my back leaned against it.
« Satoshi… » he says with a little voice.
Somehow, I expected him to be more… confident in front of me.
« Mmmh ? »
« There’s something I’d like to tell you… »
My face remain blank. « Wasn’t everything said this morning ? » I ask calmly.
« Not really. Actually, I met someone. »
He says that so straight-forwardly that I can’t help tensing up. What is this all about ?
« You did ? »
My voice is less confident. Is he trying to say he doesn’t want of me anymore ? He said he wouldn’t let me go this morning !
« Yeah… It’s a good person. A woman. You know I want children, don’t you ? »
I sigh with relief. So that’s what it was about…
« Yes… » At least I know that about Sho : he is meant to be a father. He loves children and children love him.
« And since you spend most of your days being bored at home, I suppose it’ll be a good thing for you too. To raise a child… »
I turn my head to see Sho’s gaze on me. He’s serious. I don’t like children much, and he knows it. But I won’t say I don’t want one. Even though the child won’t be really mine, since I’m definitely a man and can’t get pregnant.
« I… It’s… » I stutter. « Is it really what you want ? »
He nods determindly. « Actually, I can’t go back on my decision anymore, so I can’t really ask your opinion about it… »
« Is she already… ? »
He nods again. I dart my eyes away, confused.
« Why didn’t you tell me earlier… ? » I ask hesitantly, knowing that the answer will refer to the athmosphere of these days.
« I tried » he answers, embarrassed. « But you wouldn’t listen to me. »
I think back of each time Sho told me he had something to tell me and I escaped. Is that what he means by ‘You are so close and yet so far…’ ?
It’s my turn to nod now. Everthing that had happened left cold and hurt feelings in my heart that I can’t get rid of. And now he’s saying he was planning something for us behind my back, for our future, while I was cheating on him. I just stare at him, trying to make my face as blank as possible, but I don’t think I succeed. I wonder how much I hurt and will hurt all the people I care about, especially Sho and Nino. And I didn’t notice that fear of being left alone growing into my heart.
« Satoshi ? »
I look up, suddenly noticing the tears rolling down my cheeks. Sho leans forward and his fingers come wiping my face. I close my eyes. There’s so many things I’d like to ask. ‘Do you really forgive me ? Do you really love me after what I did ? After I made you suffer like this ?’
Then, I get up on my knees to approach my face to his. His fingers fall on his thighs, taking my hands in his. He slowly gets nearer to me, our lips brush for a second. But I suddenly back away a little.
Sho smiles nervously.
« When are we gonna… settle things clearly ? » I ask softly. « Between Nino and I… »
I wonder what Masaki told him. Because Kazu hasn’t called me for two days… Though he called me often before. I mean, when we were having an affair.
« I called Jun again during the day… I asked him some informations about your past relationship with Ninomiya… It seems like you used to be lovers before we got married… Do you still love him, now ? »
I’m unable to look at Sho. What if I answer I do ? Because I do. Kazu is… The person I used to show every little bit of myself to. He’s already a part of me, now. I guess I’ll never stop loving him.
So I just nod hesitantly. But I don’t say anything more. Will Sho understand if I tell him that ?
« I guess I can’t do anything against it… »
« Sho » I cut him off. He raises his eyebrows as I clench tighter to his hands. « Don’t leave me… Please. »
Even though I don’t mind loneliness sometimes, even need it, I never looked for the real thing. The real loneliness, the complete one, when you have nobody left who cares about you, that’s what I fear the most.
« I won’t » Sho answers, his smile is back. « I’ll never leave you… »
Then, he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight against him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
« Hi ! »
Masaki’s bright smile welcomes us at the entrance of their house. I didn’t expect that at all. He’s acting like a friend, as if nothing had happened. Or maybe he’s forcing himself. Because I wouldn’t be surprised if he says he hates me.
« Come in, Kazunari’s here… »
Sho’s standing just behind me. He was a bit reluctant about coming here, but he gave in to my arguments. I have to settle things.
We walk through the entrance, taking off our shoes, then follow Masaki toward the living room.
Kazu’s there. He sitting on a couch, lost in thoughts, his eyes fixed on the piano without seeing it. But Masaki doesn’t enter the room. Instead, he turns toward me, and nod in the direction of his husband.
« I guess you’d better have a talk, both of you… » he says, his voice soft and sad. Why sad ?
I tighten my lips, nodding. His twitch awkwardly.
I walk in the living room silently, and it takes sometime for Kazu to come back to his senses and notice I’m here. When he sees me, he smiles slightly.
« You came… »
I nod slowly, getting nearer to him. When we’re about a meter apart, he gets up, staring at me with an expression I know well on his face. It’s the same expression he had that night, when I had came to his apartment to tell him I was getting married.
« Sho came too, he’s with Masaki-kun… »
Kazu drops his eyes to the ground. I guess he doesn’t care much about Sho being here or not. I look toward the entrance of the room to see if they’re still there, but they’re not.
« I guess you know what happened » he says.
I nod again. Then, Kazu steps closer to me and one of his arms curl around my waist to drag me closer. I don’t try to push him away. Because he’s not doing that to be mean and cheat on anyone. I approach my face from his, staring straight into his eyes. Our lips brush, and I don’t try to back away though that’s apparently what he’s waiting for. He smirks, then moves his face away.
« You’re not making things easy » he sighs.
Then, he let go of me, and I remain paralyzed. I watch him let himself fall back onto the couch. He looks up at me and pat the empty place beside him for me to sit down. I do so, slowly, taking his hand into mine without a word.
« Masaki said he won’t forgive me » he says, biting his lips. « He said because he loves me, he won’t forgive me. »
Somehow, I can understand Masaki’s reasons. I squeeze Kazu’s hand slightly and he smiles.
« He’s so convinced that I forced you into doing it that whatever I can say, he answers that it’s all my fault. »
« That’s not true » I whisper, loud enough for him to hear.
« You can discuss about that with him if you want, but he can’t be budged… »
I make a promise to myself to talk to Masaki later. « What are you gonna do, then ? »
Kazu pouts. « No idea. He says he’ll try to overcome his sadness and maybe stay away from me for a bit… I guess I’ll just have to wait for him to be ready. »
« I didn’t mean to hurt him » I say, the guilt growing inside of me.
Kazu nods. Maybe he cares for Masaki more than I thought ?
« Sakurai paid for your father’s debts, didn’t he ? » he suddenly asks.
I raise an eyebrow, surprised. « How do you know about that ? »
« Jun told me… »
I lower my head, my eyes falling on our linked hands.
« He did. »
Yesterday, when Sho came back home, he told me that he had just paid it all. That evening, I called my sister to ask if everything was alright.
« With that, I guess we won’t see each other again… At least for some time » Kazu mumbles, his fingers now playing with mine.
I feel like there’s that thing I absolutely need to say, that I want him to know. « I won’t stop loving you, Kazu » I say quickly.
His smirk is back. I smile as well.
« I won’t either » he answers. « I never did… »
With that said, I approach my face nearer to Nino’s to steal a kiss, but his lips catch mine first, and we exchange a short but deep kiss. The last one… Maybe.
When Kazu and I get out of the living room, Sho and Masaki are talking in the kitchen, drinking a coffee. They seem to get along well, these two.
To part 2 + epilogue