(no subject)
I really hate myself sometimes. I hate myself for my past and for the things i have done and said, for things that are useless to hate myself for, but that i feel the need to cut my wrists open for them anyway. The things i have done are done and gone now, i cant change them, i cant retract them or make people forget that they happened, but more than anything in the world i wish that i could take it all back. I wish i could have been stronger. All the wishes and tears arent going to undo whats been done. I wish i had known then the consequences. Not even the most obvious ones, rather the deeply emotional and spirirtul ones. The person who i care the most about his opinion of me has lost all respect for me. He didnt say so, but i know. And now i have to look into his eyes and see that, well, disgust with me. And what makes it worse is that i look into the mirror and i have disgust for myself. There is a scene in "Disturbing Behavior" where one of the girls slams her head against the mirror, thats how i feel. I feel as though i dont deserve to live, for reasons that are only known to me. I just want to scream and fall asleep and never wake agian. I am so frustrated with myself, and the person i used to be. I know all of this sounds silly... It happend get over it right? I cant.. i will always loathe myself.