A lump in my throat
Last week i found a lump in my neck. I figured it was a swollen gland, and therefore nothing to worry about, but every since i have had this I have had a horrible headache. My mother encouraged me to go to the Dr. and so I did. he wanted me to get an MRI immediately, he said that it probably was a swollen gland, but that something was making it swollen. So i was terrified. Afraid that this MRI was going to turn out to be a malignant tumor or something of that nature. But my mother in her expert opinion has decided that I dont need an MRI. You know I spent several years having horrid dizziness, and fainting spells, and it took untill now to find out that I am hypoglycemic. Any longer of a wait and I probably would be diabetic. This is how my mother works, until it affects her in some personal way(my fainting in public, and having a principal call her) she doesnt take anything seriously. What if this little bump is more than just a swollen gland, what if it is a blood clot in a major artery? What if it is a build-up of fluid? What if the headaches are becuase this lump is creating pressure on nerves? Finally, and worst of all, what if this is a tumor? I am worried, and now I wont even get to know what it is. So I will continue to worry about something that may not be anything at all, because I dont get to know what it actually is, and my mind is great at making things worse than they really are.
I read one of those email surveys that a friend sent me. You know, those ones that are rather annoying because it requires answering questions that have no real barring on life, like "Vanilla or Chocolate" what does that have to do with anything? What upset me is that this person, whom i used to be good friends with has changed so much, and has apparently found new and better friends. What made me realize this is the question about favorite drink. She used to keep this question blank because she didnt drink, now she answered it with the gusto of a soreity girl(or rather frat girl cause this is an "academic" frat that she is now in). I have had a couple of friends who have done that. They get "involved" with the greeks on campus and they start to forget their old friends. I told one guy that, he told me now that wouldnt happen, and now there is silence from him(which is ok with me becuase i didnt like him all that much anyway.) Rosie is a different story. We used to be best friends, now i am not worth much of anything to her. I guess she has grown up, although lying to your parents to go and drink at 21 is hardly grown up, and found better friends. That is all that matters to her now, Her fancy new friends. And what upsets me most is not that she has new friends, thats wonderful for her, but that she has changed so much since she met them. It seems almost as though she has felt the need to change to fit in with them. I got dumped as a friend so that she could change who she is to fit in with these punks. Thats just crappy if you ask me. And truthfully I am very hurt by her. This is it her last semester here, and she has completely thrown me out as a friend. She is even doing the "invite, because of obligation, not because you really want the person there." I would much rather her tell me she doesnt like me anymore and get on with things. I hate losing her as a friend, but how do you hold on to someone who so obviously wants to be let go?
I read one of those email surveys that a friend sent me. You know, those ones that are rather annoying because it requires answering questions that have no real barring on life, like "Vanilla or Chocolate" what does that have to do with anything? What upset me is that this person, whom i used to be good friends with has changed so much, and has apparently found new and better friends. What made me realize this is the question about favorite drink. She used to keep this question blank because she didnt drink, now she answered it with the gusto of a soreity girl(or rather frat girl cause this is an "academic" frat that she is now in). I have had a couple of friends who have done that. They get "involved" with the greeks on campus and they start to forget their old friends. I told one guy that, he told me now that wouldnt happen, and now there is silence from him(which is ok with me becuase i didnt like him all that much anyway.) Rosie is a different story. We used to be best friends, now i am not worth much of anything to her. I guess she has grown up, although lying to your parents to go and drink at 21 is hardly grown up, and found better friends. That is all that matters to her now, Her fancy new friends. And what upsets me most is not that she has new friends, thats wonderful for her, but that she has changed so much since she met them. It seems almost as though she has felt the need to change to fit in with them. I got dumped as a friend so that she could change who she is to fit in with these punks. Thats just crappy if you ask me. And truthfully I am very hurt by her. This is it her last semester here, and she has completely thrown me out as a friend. She is even doing the "invite, because of obligation, not because you really want the person there." I would much rather her tell me she doesnt like me anymore and get on with things. I hate losing her as a friend, but how do you hold on to someone who so obviously wants to be let go?