ahh.....
so lately...I've been like...not even here....and it's become painfully evident in some of my relationships with other people....I guess I just don't have much to say...or my social skills are severely lacking...i don't know...but other than missing my grandmother and worrying a bit about some friends...I...that's ME...myself and I.... I am doing pretty good...I got to see Mir a couple nights ago or so on the webcam, his friend let him use it so I could see him........it's different seeing him in pictures and what not...and then seeing him on the webcam...it was so nice...and it made me want to see him sooner...and it hurt...it like really sunk in that he's over there....not like I didn't know that before...but it was more real now....but it hurt but at the same time it was so wonderful to see that big wonderful cheestercheetah smile that I love so much....he was being silly...and of course I was too...his friend even got in on it a little....he's over all not a bad guy...just very.......well I won't go there....but let's just say his personality upon first talking to him....was severely lacking...and now he's slowly and surely showing me what Mir sees....which is good...it was so greattttttttt...I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN IT....I know some of you are like..get over it it was just a damn webcam and he was on it...big fucking deal...you don't understand..I've been friends with Mir for over 3 years....and it's coming up on our 1 year anniversary soon.../sighs happily\ so basically if you have a problem with how I'm reacting and how wonderful it was for me and how excited I am....4 words for ya...and I'll let ya guess what they are.... anyways....things were so great....I am working on an anniversary present for him...but it won't be done in time...so I'll have to give it to him on our next anniversary....or maybe some other special occassion...it still has a lot of work, even though I've been working on it here and there for a while now....so I still want to do something very special for out 1st anniversary...to let him know I'm committed to him..but not in that 'omg she's picked out the colors of our wedding kind of way' haha...I'll figure out something...got to do some shopping and get some moneys..but I'll do it if I can....It's hard to believe that I can be THIS happy....that no matter wht...I have him.....it's so wonderful....so new every day but yet...so familiar too..../smiles softly\ I didn't think I would ever find that one guy I've been praying would come my way....that one guy with everything...who knew me in and out.....and you know what....he was right under my nose for the past almost 4 years.....isn't that crazy........even though it sounds like I've picked out the colors, which I HAVE NOT btw...I am very serious about my feelings for him, and I now know...more than any other time in my life...or more than any othe person or feeling or emotion....that I want him.....for the rest of my life....I can see...all the kids....the laughing...the tears ....all the hugs....all the playfulness....I can see it all...and I can even see the problems...and you know what....they don't scare me....I used to be like freaked out about talking about weddings....even though I would..it scared me..because I was always so afraid of what would happen...if I would end up like my parents...which isn't entirely a bad thing...but for the majority of it.....it is.....I just love him....I can't describe it...I can't express it enough...I just feel it..../smiles\ enough opening up....later....