(no subject)
CHAPTER 7
Abby knew she should try to find Neela, but she dreaded it at the moment. She had no idea how her friend would possibly react to the news. Yet she wanted her to hear it from a friend, it was the least Abby could do.
Neela was on her way to the grocery store when her pager went off calling her for a consult in the ER. She cringed inwardly, she had tried to stay away from it mostly because she didn't feel like seeing Gates. Their last encounter still fresh in her mind she had refused to talk to him, though he had tried a few times. She sighed deeply giving in to the inevitable and went back.
When she reached the desk she said to Frank "I've been called down for a consult. What happened?"
Frank just shrugged his shoulders and pointed out to Abby standing at the lounge door. Neela could tell she was upset even from where she was standing.
She slowly walked over wondering briefly what could have happened.
When she arrived she saw Luka sitting in the lounge also.
"Abby, what's wrong? Is Joe okay?"
"Joe?" Abby asked bewildered. She hadn't even thought that her friend would suggest that something had happened to her son.
She nodded. "Joe's fine, but Neela..."
Neela simply stared at her, a single tear escaping her eyes as she began to realize what Abby wanted to tell her.
"Is he dead?" she whispered.
"He's missing" Luka added, but it was as if she had forgot he was still in the same room.
"Abby, tell me, is he dead?" Neela demanded.
"We don't know honey. He's missing" Abby said whilst putting her arms around her best friend's shoulders to comfort her.
Neela took in a shuddering breath trying to compose herself and then started to leave. She wiped the tear away angrily. No, she wouldn't cry. He was missing, not certainly dead. He was a fighter, so he would make it through.
"I need to go back. I have patients to treat" she said with one last look at Abby and then she left.
"Give her some time" Abby heard Luka say when she went to follow.
She leaned into him, seeking the comfort his hug always gave her "Luka, I don't know if Neela is strong enough to go through this again"
0-0-0-0-
Neela almost stormed to the elevators. She had to get out of here. She pushed the button with just a little bit too much effort, the only sign of her inner turmoil. She had an operation to attend and she would do exactly that. There was no better way to become focused again and she desperately needed something to calm her messy mind.
Her hands were shaking visible as she prepared herself for the coming event.
"Neela, are you okay?" You're trembling" she heard her attending say.
"I'm fine, Lucien. Just let us start"
"No Neela, I don't know what happened, but you can't assist in the state you're in right now."
"Go and try to relax and I will call for Dusty to help me."
"Please, don't do that. I'm perfectly fine. I can work." Neela tried one last attempt, but knew it was forlorn.
She thought about going back downstairs briefly. She could ask Abby for more information, but to do that would mean to actually deal with it and she had decided not to do so when she had left the lounge. Denial was so much easier.
Maybe it was only a very bad nightmare and she would wake up any second. Maybe he would come around the corner in a moment, smiling sadly at her like he had been for the last couple of months. Maybe... just maybe...
She needed to get out of here and go to the one place that always had been her place to hide - the roof.
When she stepped out of the elevator she suddenly could see herself standing exactly at the same place only months earlier. Wasn't it enough that she'd had to bury her husband? Did she really need to add Ray to her guilt also? Slowly her tears started to threaten again.
0-0-0-0-
It was two hours later that Abby found her still standing at the edge and watching the city.
"Neela?"
She swung around at the sound of Abby's voice, hastily wiping over her face to dry the still visible dampness.
"Abby, what are you doing here? Wasn't your shift over hours ago?"
"I've waited for you. Do you want to grab a drink at Ike's on your way home?"
"I'd rather be alone"
Normally Abby wasn't one who'd interfere with other people's lives, but this time she felt Neela really needed a push to get out of her self-created bubble.
"No Neela, it's time for you to face some facts. You can't run away every time something happens that might not be fitting into your perfect little idea of life" she glared.
Then she took her hand and made her follow.
0-0-0-0-
On their way through the ambulance bay they saw Tony jogging in their direction.
"Hey Mayday I'll be off in a few minutes. Wanna come by then?"
Neela stifled the urge to roll her eyes at him, and said "No, Tony, I won't come by - it's over." It was the moment you called me Meg", she added silently.
"What? Why? Is it because of Meg?"
"No. Okay, maybe, but it’s mostly because I don't love you and you don't love me"
"But we can work it out. We just need more time"
"No Tony it's over. And please stop calling me Mayday"
There was only one man she had ever allowed to call her a stupid nickname and he was gone. In this moment Neela swore to herself that if destiny gave him back to her she would help him through the hell his life had become.
--
A/N Sorry there wasn't any sign of Ray, but he'll be back next chapter - I promise
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CHAPTER 8
Disclaimer: I'm poor so this doesn't belong to me ... Neelas thoughts are from the song "Lonely life" of a new German band called "Stanfour" -check it out, it's good.
Abby came home a few hours later to find Luka pacing the living-room.
“Where have you been, God damn it! I’ve been trying to reach you, your shift was over hours ago and your cell's dead.” Luka hissed.
Abby sighed. “I’ve been at Ike’s with Neela. I thought she needed a friend. Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ….”
It was then that she saw his packed bag in the corner. “Luka, what is going on?”
“I’ve talked to Carter again tonight and he asked me to go there and help him. The flight goes in two hours and my taxi should be arriving any minute.”
“What? When did you decide to go? I mean, I …I understand your need to go, but would you have told me if I hadn’t been back in time?” Abby asked incredulously.
“That’s why I’ve been trying to reach you! Look, I don’t want to get into a fight now. I’ll be back soon.”
With that he took his bag and they both headed outside to the already waiting car.
“Just promise me to you'll be careful. I’ve almost lost you once over there - I couldn’t live with that again.” Abby whispered and kissed him goodbye.
0-0-0-0-
Abby didn’t sleep well that night. Too many thoughts were running through her head and she couldn’t stop worrying about Luka. What she had said to him earlier was true, she understood his desire to go and help Carter, she knew he felt responsible for Ray and the fact that it was him who had let him go, but what if something happened to him again. He had a family now, he just couldn’t risk his life like he had years ago.
0-0-0-0-
Luka knew he should try to sleep during the flight, because the next days would be exhausting and he would need his strength, but his mind was running on overdrive and he couldn’t relax. It wasn’t just that he was worried about Ray, he was also haunted by his own terrifying memories. He had nearly died there and even though he wouldn’t admit it to someone else he was scared - deeply scared.
Somehow he felt relieved when he reached his destination. Anything was better than the incredible uncertainty.
“Hey man” Carter greeted him.
“You look better than I feel” Luka tried to joke, but they both knew it was only to cover up the tension.
“What do we know?”
“Look Luka, I know this must be hard on you after everything you experienced here last time and I’m really thankful you came over, but ….”
“Don’t, John. There’s no need to get into that now. The priority is to find Ray and then we’ll leave this place.” Luka said with a determined look on his face.
John could see deeper than that and he knew that his friend was terrified, but he also knew that Luka wouldn’t admit it. At least not now ….Later, when they were safe again, maybe - if ever.
0-0-0-0-
Abby felt like she hadn’t slept at all when she got up to get ready for work. She had no idea how long she would have to handle everything alone and she knew that it wouldn’t help much to be constantly worried, but yet she couldn’t stop.
She saw Neela coming down from the El and decided to wait for her.
“Luka left for Darfur” she spilled after a short greeting.
Neela felt somewhat relieved to hear that, if anyone could help Ray then it was Luka. But with one look at Abby it dawned on her that the relief she felt must be the opposite of what Abby felt. “Oh Abby I’m sorry, it's selfish of me to feel good about that. I just thought about what was best for Ray and never really considered your feelings.”
“It’s okay. We're all worried about Ray. And Luka will be careful” Abby whispered and wished she felt as convinced as she sounded.
0-0-0-0-
When Neela returned home from work that day she was determined to think about her feelings for Ray. He deserved that at least. She wasn’t sure if he would return, but she had to hope he would - Luka had survived it four years ago, so why shouldn’t Ray? Fate couldn’t be so cruel and steal him from her, not now when she was realising that she wanted him to be a part of her life.
She snuggled onto her couch and let her thoughts fly. “Would it be so hard to let yourself feel something? Would it be so strange to let yourself go? Would it be such a drag just to finally let somebody get inside your lonely life?”
It would be hard, she was sure of that, now probably even harder than she would have ever imagined, but then wasn’t it as hard to live the lonely life she did? She was hitting her 30's, other people her age were already married or had kids and she had nothing but her job. There had to be more to life than that, but then turning to Ray would mean to stop pretending. She was sure it had to be all or nothing with them which led her back to her first thoughts. Was she willing to give all of her to him? What if it went wrong? What if her feelings weren’t strong enough?
0-0-0-0-
Ray couldn’t remember a time he had felt worse than now. He had believed that the heartache he was going through was bad, but now it seemed like a pleasant walk in the sunshine to him compared to this.
He had hoped and prayed for an end to the excruciating pain, but his body refused to give up on life.
Physically he still existed, but mentally he was on the very edge of his breaking point, if not over it.
He heard footsteps coming closer, but he didn’t even bother to turn his head. They would do to him whatever they had in mind - he couldn’t do anything to prevent it. And he had learned the hard way that struggling wouldn't make it any better.
He couldn’t stop himself from flinching though when a hand touched his shoulder and someone whispered to him in a language he didn’t understand.
When he looked up the boy crouched in front of him and gesticulated to him to eat and drink.
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CHAPTER 9
Lost in thought; Ray was startled by the boy who without saying a word held a bottle of water in front of him.
“Why?” Ray croaked. But the boy gave him an inscrutable look and then brought the bottle to his lips.
Though hesitant at first; Ray gave into his undying thirst and accepted the cool water. As soon as it was given; the water was taken away. Instead of walking away the boy took a spoonful of rice and brought it up to his lips. Ray silently took the food though felt his stomach convulse with aching spasms. It had been so long since Ray had any food in his stomach and he felt as if he would wretch if he ate another bite.
The boy seemed to understand though and replaced the rice with more water before he left.
Though no words were spoken by the frail boy; Ray allowed himself to be cared for in this simple manner.
The kid came pretty regularly from then on - he never said anything, but brought water and some food. Though Ray longed to hear a human voice; he knew he was not in a position to be greedy; he would take any act of kindness; no matter how small the gesture.
Though he had come to the point of praying for death; an end to this senseless torture; Ray had managed to hold on and not give up. Some parts of him clung to the mere chance of surviving this - he knew the chances were slim even with food and fluids, but if he lost this glimmer of hope and broke down now, it would be over.
He had lasted this long and he would be damned if he was going to just lay down and die; not now; not ever.
0-0-0-0
Some days later Neela finally caught up with Abby in the ambulance bay.
“Please tell me there's some news” she practically begged her best friend, but Abby just shook her head.
“I wish I could tell you something, but all I know is that they are still in the capital trying to make arrangements. They could have ventured out into the wild by now in search of Ray but I honestly don't know. Communication with Luka has not been the greatest."
And not knowing what was going on there scared her. The memories of the last time Luka was missing were all too vivid in her mind.
Neela's voice stilled her reeling thoughts momentarily.
“I guess it's time for me to stop pretending. You were right I really should face some facts, he deserves that at least. I just don’t know if I can handle it” she sighed. “What if what ever's happened there has changed him and his feelings for me?”
“Dammit Neela, of course it's changed him. Life there changes people even without something this awful happening. But I think you're underestimating his feelings for you. Or perhaps you just want to believe they aren’t strong enough, because then you wouldn’t need to open up yourself. Didn’t you just say you want to stop pretending? Then do it and be there for him when he returns.” Abby wasn’t sure if she should scream or laugh.
This was ridiculous and God knows she had tried to understand and respect her friend’s feelings, but Ray was her friend too. Truth was Abby was tired of hearing the same words over and over again and she knew that Neela had to face the truth sometime. She had to live in reality and stop running away if she ever hoped for a future with Ray.
Besides she really didn’t feel strong enough to deal with both her own fears and Neela's at the same time.
“Neela, do you love him? And please for once be honest with me and yourself.”
Neela brushed past her “Just leave it, I don’t want to talk about it”
"That's your problem; you never want to talk about it." Abby retorted. She wouldn’t drop it this time.
“What do you want to hear? I’ve already told you how I feel; what more do you want from me?” Neela replied as loud.
“I want you to be honest with yourself for once in your life Neela.” Abby added, softer now.
“Yes … yes, I love him.” Neela admitted in an emotionally shaky voice.
Neither Neela nor Abby knew just what condition Ray would come back in; physically as well as emotionally if Luka and Carter should be successful in finding him and bringing him back home to Chicago. Just the same; she wondered if Neela would be strong enough to handle it all; to be able to honestly be there for Ray.
0-0-0-0
John and Luka had arrived at the hospital. The smell that hit them just outside the building almost made them retch and they were searching for something to cover their noses and mouths.
John had known that the place would be a mess, but the extent shocked him deeply.
The bodies still lay everywhere, bloodied and swarmed with hundred of flies and already rotting in the heat.
Maybe he had suppressed the knowledge of this in his haste to save Sharifa, but now that he was faced with it again he knew he couldn’t handle it alone. If he wanted to rebuild the clinic he would need help.
0-0-0-0-
Not one of his capturers had paid attention to him since the day they had brought him to the tent to see the healed kid. But now suddenly one of them - with the boy in tow - came to him and pointed a gun in his face.
“Get up” he grumbled.
Ray struggled, but he somehow managed to stand up; swaying on unsteady legs.
“W…What, wait - no” Ray tried to scream but the words would not come out.
The soldier laughed coldly, ready to pull the trigger, when the kid jumped right in front of him, shouting angry words at the man.
Alerted by this more men came over joining in the heated discussion.
Ray felt his legs give way beneath him as he tumbled to the ground.
He watched in pure horror at the scene unfolding in front of him. He couldn’t understand their language, but this was about him, he was sure.
After all this time they were about to kill him. The small act of kindness by the silent child was nothing more than a ruse; a delaying of the inevitable fate that lay ahead. He had survived their torture but now it didn't matter.
He fought hard to keep the tears away.
As soon as the argument began; it abruptly stopped. Without further word, the soldier yanked Ray up off the ground and shoved him towards a truck that was waiting nearby.
He was shaking uncontrollably. Despite the little boy running after him to try and offer some comfort to Ray; he couldn't stop the trembling that was ravaging his body.
0-0-0-0-
Soon after the car had stopped one of the soldiers dropped Ray out and they vanished back into the jungle leaving him behind.
He was free, back to the place they had kidnapped him from, but he couldn’t comprehend that.
He collapsed at the same place he had landed on in the vain hope someone would find him.
0-0-0-0-
Hearing the rumbling of a car engine coming from off in the distance; Luka and Carter decided to lay low. Not knowing who was in the truck; Luka and Carter wanted to hide out to avoid being seen. Though it wasn’t very likely that the soldiers would come back since they had shattered everything that was at any use for them, they couldn’t be sure of that.
The truck stopped abruptly; after that a muffled thud was heard as if something had been thrown to the ground. Soon after they heard the squealing of tires as the truck drove off into the darkness.
They waited silently for a couple of minutes before slowly making their way towards the entrance to the camp.
Though their visibility was low; they could make out a form lying motionless on the ground between some nearby bushes.
“What the hell? Luka come over here … hurry” Carter screamed.
Luka ran over to where Carter was crouched down. Lying before them was the body of a badly wounded and bloodied man.
“Oh my God”, the words stuck in Carter’s throat as the realization finally hit him
Moving in closer to get a better look; Luka too saw who the man was and immediately fell to his knees; searching for a pulse.
After a moment he exhaled the breath he didn’t even know he was holding when he found a weak and thready pulse; but a pulse none the less.
“Come on Carter, help me.” He yelled.
As Carter and Luka worked to check out the extent of his injuries; Ray could hear the soft murmur of voices as he drifted in and out of consciousness. Despite the throbbing pain; Ray slowly attempted to open his eyes. His vision was blurred and distorted; he felt as if he were floating outside of himself. Was he dead? Before Ray could think anything further everything went black as he passed out again.
“No! Ray …. Come on stay with us.” Carter yelled as he started compressions on Ray’s chest.
“You have to fight this Ray” he mumbled under his breath and felt utterly relieved when he got a pulse again.
He quickly checked him over “weak carotid pulse … shallow breathing … multiple rib fractures … perhaps internal injuries…” whilst Luka worked at the ropes which were still holding Ray’s hands behind his head in an impossible angle.
Ray began to wake out of his drunken-like state and swore he heard a familiar voice talking to him. Was that Carter? It couldn’t be; Carter was dead, shot by some soldiers Ray thought.
Ray shuttered with pain and exhaustion when he felt his hands being untied and falling limp to his side.
Ray fought hard to open his eyes but found he didn’t have the strength to do so.
Just then Ray felt the moist trickle of water touched his lips and mustering up what meagre energy he had left; he opened his parch lips to accept it.
After taking several small sips of water Ray finally found the strength to open his eyes. A warm sense of relief washed over him as his eyes focused on a familiar face.
“Carter?” he whispered disbelieving. “Is that really you?”
“Shh, don’t speak. Just try to relax. Luka will be back with a gurney any second” Carter answered with a somewhat reassuring voice.
0-0-0-0-
Obviously Ray had been beaten badly and from the look of his body-shape they hadn’t really paid attention to those life-depending things like food and fluids.
Under Rays torn clothes Carter could make out a mass of blue and darken bruises and cuts and the broken ribs were visible under his skin.
How he had survived this so long, seemed like a wonder to Carter.
Ray had tried to stay awake and focused, but now that the greatest threat was over, he felt physically and emotionally drained and had slipped into sleep soon after they had brought him back to the hospital and hooked to an IV.
“We can’t stay here, Luka … we need to go back to Kinshasa. It isn’t safe here and we can’t really do much for him. He needs to be treated in a real hospital, needs more than just some fluids and painkillers.” John stated.
“I know, but with the state of the streets I’m afraid we might cause even more damage.” Luka sighed.
“Give him a chance, Luka. That is what we came here for. If we stay here he’ll certainly die sooner or later with all these injuries. We have nothing to lose by trying. You survived it all these years ago too, remember?”
“Still it is a two hours drive over narrowed streets in a burning heat. It could agonize him.”
“It can’t more than anything else that has happened” Ray’s softly voice drifted over to them.
“You know that John’s right, Luka. We can’t stay here. And I want to go as far away as possible - staying here and knowing that they could come back takes me the air to breathe” he added.
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CHAPTER 1o
After arriving back home in Chicago Ray felt the only way he could avoid completely losing it was by getting back to work at County.
During the flight; Ray had asked Luka if he could be put back on the ER schedule as soon as possible.
Though Luka knew they could certainly use the help, he wasn’t completely convinced that Ray was mentally and emotionally ready to return to his previous duties. He was doing well physically, but Luka knew that there was a lot more to it and though Ray sometimes talked about his time in the hands of the soldiers he knew he was holding a lot of it back.
Luka didn't blame him. He'd acted the same way after his own dreadful experiences in Africa, but he also knew that trying to forget didn't work, he needed to deal with it in a productive manner.
0-0-0-0-
Though part of Ray was anxious to get back to his old routine at County he admitted he was a little apprehensive and wondered how he would feel seeing everyone again after being more than four months away. Would they accept him back into the fold? Would they act weird around him due to what had happened to him over in Africa? Since bad news seemed to travel through County like a wild fire; he figured most of his colleagues probably new about his hostage situation. Regardless of their reaction to his homecoming; Ray knew that what he had gone through over there had changed him in more ways than he had thought possible.
0-0-0-0-
Ray was finally given the green light by Luka and Pratt to return to County. He hoped that work would distract him. If he wouldn’t be able to still his reeling thoughts he’d surely go insane.
Three days later he was standing outside the building for what seemed like hours unsure of what was waiting for him behind the doors. He saw his colleagues running around and he knew they could use another hand, but though he had practically begged Luka to let him come back he wasn’t so sure about it now.
Maybe a fresh start in a new city would have been the better choice. Then he wouldn’t have to explain what happened to everyone. He wished he could just forget the whole experience but doing that was easier said than done.
0-0-0-0-
When someone touched his shoulder Ray almost jumped.
“I’m sorry Ray, I didn't mean to scare you, I thought you had heard me calling” Luka said.
“It’s okay, I was lost in my thoughts” Ray replied.
“So how are you feeling?”
Ray shrugged nonchalantly. “Slowly getting there.”
“Are you ready to go inside?” Luka asked.
“Yeah, let’s go.” But instead of walking he hesitated. “Luka? How did you ….” he trailed off.
“How did I what? React to it?”
“No. Forget it, I was just … it’s nothing.”
0-0-0-0-
County was pretty much just as he had left it; the bustling activity of the ER; the familiar faces of the nurses and doctors; the faces he had left behind in his search for a new direction in his life.
Trying to put what had happened over in Darfur in the back of his mind; Ray dived head first into his work. Though on the outside he appeared for the most part normal; inside an emotional war was raging. He tried to get extra shifts so he wouldn’t have to go home to an empty apartment; the silence and emptiness almost deafening but Luka was adamant about Ray coming back slowly and not to push himself too hard.
Not being able to sleep due to the graphic nightmares that would cause Ray to wake up frequently throughout the night in a cold sweat; he spent many of his hours away from County at the local bar. He knew drowning his problems in alcohol wouldn’t help in the long run, but he didn’t know how else to silence the voices of his torturers inside his head. Many nights Ray would either take a cab or just stumble his way home and crash immediately into a dead sleep once his head hit the pillow.
0-0-0-0-
Abby had kept Neela informed about every step of Rays recovery back in Kinshasa and that was why she knew all too well that he was back, even back at County - back to work.
Ever since she first learned he had returned from Africa she had willed herself to visit him, she even made it one time to his apartment, but before she could ring the doorbell her courage had left and she had fled back to the El.
“God Neela, you’re pathetic” she silently berated herself.
Deep down Neela knew why she was acting like that … she was scared.
So damn scared that she couldn’t even be a friend to Ray and go to see how he was doing.
That was something she was deeply ashamed of, what only added to her uneasiness.
Admitting her feelings for Ray to Abby and in that progress to herself was one thing, but to express them to the person the were about was something completely different.
0-0-0-0-
Ray’s feelings over not having had come in contact with Neela since he arrived back in Chicago were bittersweet. Part of him wanted desperately to see her; while the other was grateful that their paths hadn’t crossed yet. Luka had admitted to him, that he had kept Abby updated on Ray’s condition and recovery; that included Abby telling Neela as well about everything that had happened. Though he had been slightly angry at Abby and Luka for doing so, after he had thought the whole thing over further, he realized it was probably better that Neela knew the truth of what had happened to him. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to deal with her now- he still felt too raw inside.
Later when he’d feel more confident he’d let himself think about her. Besides with how they had left things before he left for Africa; he didn’t know if he still had a friend in her. Then there was that whole disaster with Gates. If she wanted to be with Tony, than she should be. The only thing that mattered to him was to erase these horrible memories somehow and get on with his life.
0-0-0-0-
Ray was so lost in his thoughts that he only just heard Luka calling him when he was standing right beside him.
“What?” he couldn’t help feeling a bit embarrassed.
“You okay?” Luka asked slightly worried.
Ray had been doing well physically and with regards his work so far, but Luka knew that emotionally he was a mess. He had seen many of these absent, almost blank, stares into nothingness like the one just now and he was sure that in those moments Ray was far away with his thoughts.
“I said there was a trauma coming in about two minutes. An MVA; 25 year old female.” Luka replied.
“Yeah, all right, I’ll be waiting in trauma one if you don’t need me outside”
“It’s okay, go - Abby’s already waiting for the paramedics.”
The woman was wheeled in and the stats were rattled down. Ray concentrated on examining the victim’s legs which were badly injured, because the woman got pulled under the car after she got hit. Ray tried hard to stay focused, but found him self more concentrate on keeping himself upright. The logic part of his brain told him he hadn’t seen this woman before, that she was the victim of a car accident, not a mine, but she looked so familiar, so much like the one he had tried to save back in Darfur and couldn’t because the soldiers came.
Within an instant his mind was back in the hospital in Africa. He could feel the heat and the humidity, heard him self begging Carter to try harder to keep the woman alive.
He could feel nausea rising and he began to sway. He felt hands grabbing for him, heard Sam and Abby in the background asking him if he was ok; their voices far off and muffled by the pounding of his ears and temples.
Despite efforts to get himself together so he could assist with the trauma; Ray was experiencing a full blown anxiety attack. He was gasping of air as the room began to spin and he felt as if the walls were closing in on him. Not being able to take it any longer, Ray left the room and stormed out of the building before he could collapse and leaned against the wall, panting heavily.
He tried to steady himself against the wall to keep from keeling over, taking deep breaths to calm down, but it felt like someone was strangling him.
Feeling absolutely drained; he slid to the ground and buried his head in this hands.
0-0-0-0-
Neela had been paged to the ER for a consult and was just exiting the elevator when she saw Ray rushing past her.
She called out to him, but he didn't hear her.
Deeply concerned, she had ran after him but was stopped by Sam coming out of trauma one on a run to get some drawn blood to the lab stat. They nearly collided in the hallway.
“Whoa Neela; slow down. The consult is in Trauma One.”
“I need to go after Ray to make sure he’s okay. Page Lucien to come down here and take over my consult”
Sam opened her mouth to argue, but Neela shot her a murderous look “Don’t ask, just do it!”
0-0-0-0-
“Ray?” she approached him slowly, almost tentatively.
He flinched when she touched his arm and Neela immediately pulled back.
“What are you doing here?” his question came out harsher than he had intended.
Neela took in his haggard expression and the deep-dark circles under his eyes. He looked as if he hadn’t slept for weeks. “I saw you running outside and wanted to make sure you’re all right.”
“I was just a little light headed that’s all and I needed some fresh air. I’ll be fine in a moment.” Ray answered sardonically.
“Ray you don’t look so good. Let me get Luka.”
“I said I was fine Neela. Now don’t you have a trauma to consult? Tell them I will be back in soon.”
“Ray please…" she tried again, but was lost for words at the look he shot her.
"What is it Neela? Listen, I really don’t feel like arguing with you, so just leave, okay?” he said slightly softer as if he hadn’t the energy to fight
“I didn’t come out here to argue Ray … I just want to… to help” She said somehow strained, thinking about every word.
“Don’t pretend you care Neela.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh come on Neela. I’ve back in town for two weeks and you never even bothered to call or anything and now all of a sudden you want to know what’s wrong.”
She got up ready to go inside murmuring under her breath “Bullocks; why did you have to go to bloody Africa in the first place?”
His head shot up and his fists clenched “Why did I have to go to Africa? I thought it was obvious, but apparently once again I’m wrong” he nearly screamed.
When she tried to get a little closer again his outstretched arm stopped her dead in her tracks. “Leave!”
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