Lacuna.
I'm at the Lewiston Public Library right now. My computer fried at home so I won't be updating much, not that I did before anyway.
There really is nothing to say.
I've been hurting a lot lately. So many things have been happening and changing. A lot of it's bad. But maybe I deserved it, and I'm trying to say that in the most positive way possible. But I guess it doesn't really matter if I did deserve any of it or not. The fact is that I'm sure if I can deal with this. I don't want it anymore...This pain. I don't care anymore and I've stopped hoping. It's not about being unhappy anymore either. I'm not unhappy.
I'm....nothing. I don't feel anything but regret or anger. And at who?
Myself. Why? I don't know. It doesn't matter if this is someone else's fault. I can't blame anyone....so all I have is myself.
I stopped smoking completly and softball starts up soon. I've been jogging all vacation. I feel physically good but my mental ability is just dead. I can still smile and laugh and have a good time. But I guess I've just given up. My mind just said "Fuck it". So I don't know. I feel alone now, but I'm content with it. There are some days where I want to blow up on everyone and I just ramble on and on. I'm walking on egg shells here and I think I'm going insane. The quiet insane. I know I've said it doesn't matter a lot but the fact is. It really doesn't. Not to you and not to me. So I can talk about it all I want and hate you more then ever and it won't MATTER.
All I want to do is leave. Leave everyone and everything. Move. Run away. Hide.
But we all know I can't do that. So I'll just have to stick with what I got.
Take it as it comes....because I can't do a thing about it either way.
Hate to say I loved you.
"It's your cups already full then it's bound to overflow.
There really is nothing to say.
I've been hurting a lot lately. So many things have been happening and changing. A lot of it's bad. But maybe I deserved it, and I'm trying to say that in the most positive way possible. But I guess it doesn't really matter if I did deserve any of it or not. The fact is that I'm sure if I can deal with this. I don't want it anymore...This pain. I don't care anymore and I've stopped hoping. It's not about being unhappy anymore either. I'm not unhappy.
I'm....nothing. I don't feel anything but regret or anger. And at who?
Myself. Why? I don't know. It doesn't matter if this is someone else's fault. I can't blame anyone....so all I have is myself.
I stopped smoking completly and softball starts up soon. I've been jogging all vacation. I feel physically good but my mental ability is just dead. I can still smile and laugh and have a good time. But I guess I've just given up. My mind just said "Fuck it". So I don't know. I feel alone now, but I'm content with it. There are some days where I want to blow up on everyone and I just ramble on and on. I'm walking on egg shells here and I think I'm going insane. The quiet insane. I know I've said it doesn't matter a lot but the fact is. It really doesn't. Not to you and not to me. So I can talk about it all I want and hate you more then ever and it won't MATTER.
All I want to do is leave. Leave everyone and everything. Move. Run away. Hide.
But we all know I can't do that. So I'll just have to stick with what I got.
Take it as it comes....because I can't do a thing about it either way.
Hate to say I loved you.
"It's your cups already full then it's bound to overflow.