Human Popsicle Syndrom
It is midnight in California. My shoes are on. My hood is up. I am certain I am freezing to death. The headline will read "Man 26 found frozen in folding beach chair." I imagine it will run on page 3 section C or D. Probably without a photo.
My beer is wrapped in a towel to prevent my flesh from getting stuck to the frosty sides of the bottle. The T.V. is on but it is just random background noise. Some nonsense about how to make the perfect Mafoletta (a large Italian sandwhich). How did I arrive in this icy tomb?
It started in mid-December. I received a letter from the Department of Homeland Security. I had successfully completed the application process, and what a process it was, and had been scheduled to report for training. Against my gut feeling and better judgement I decided to travel to San Diego by flying stand by. In retrospect my tale of woe all stems from my own folly.
I ultimately arrived in San Diego on time but my path was not direct. I did not enjoy the scenic route, no I rode an emotional rollercoaster from the sunny beaches of Hawaii, across the uncompromising Pacific to San Diego. My icy tomb.
As of 7PM last night everything was going as planned. The flight from Honolulu was not full. I would leave Honolulu at 230PM. As of 7AM today everything was still going exactly as planned. My luck couldn't be any better. Having surivived the past fews years in board shorts and slippers I decided I may need at least one pair of jeans, so I headed to the mall.
At 930AM my phone rang. Pants down, half nude. I ignored the call. After clothing and paying for my pants I checked my voicemail. It was Helen, my inside (wo)man at Hawaiian Airlines. I family of five had decided that Tuesday January 8th would be a wonderful day to plan and depart for a trip to San Diego.
This developement completely booked the flight. Dashing my plans on the rocks and leaving me to scramble for an alternative plan. Fortunately this cloud had a silver lining, it would be possible for me to fly from Honolulu to Maui and then from Maui to San Diego. The downside? The flight to Maui would be departing at 1130AM. Less than two hours to gather my belongings and get to the airport, through security and onward to the future. A daunting task but not impossible.
I rushed to Steph's mom's house and tossed my belongs in the car. After grabbing Steph from work I arrived at the Airport. It was 1030AM and I had just enought time. All I needed was my confirmation number from Helen and I would be well on my way. But that would be far to easy.
When I called Helen she said that the reervation system was down and I would have to wait for the error to be fixed before I could check in and board. Ancy. 1040AM no confirmation number. Nervous. 1045AM still no word from Helen. Sweating. 1047AM the clock ticks but my phone doesn't ring. Hopeless. 1100AM no confirmation number. No flight. No future.
At 1103AM Helen calls. My flight to Maui has been confirmed. Time to haul ass. I rush to the check in counter where I am advised by an unpleasant (both visually and verbally) Samoan lady advises me that I can not check in in her line. I rush to the main line. I slink past the other customers who are casually making there way to the check in counter. I reach the check in counter. 1110AM.
She smiles, I smile and provide my confirmation number. Her name was Elaine, well actually her name probably still is Elaine. Elaine bangs on her keyboard. 1113AM. I tap my foot and shift my bags. I am going to have to make a mad dash to catch this plane.
"Mr. MacTagret your flight has been canceled."
"I'm sorry what? I think I misunderstood you."
"The 1130AM flight to Maui has been canceled."
"What can I do?" I ask as I flash my best fake smile.
"You could fly out at 1230PM"
"Great sign me in and let's go!"
"Oh there is one small problem, if you fly to Maui at 1230PM you will arrive at 115PM. Your connecting flight is scheduled to depart at 130PM. That would only leave you 15 minutes to disembark and reboard."
"Its a risk I have got to take, I need to get out tonight."
"Also your bags will probably arrive a few days after you."
A few days I think to myself. Aww well I am in no condition to argue. Elaine hands me a boarding pass. Flight possible. Future possible.
Steph walks me to the gate. What do you say in a situation like this? Something profound? Something sentimental? Nothing?
The plane taxis down the runway. I can see the Pacific. Teal, then blue and finally black. We circle around past Hickam AFB. Over the road where I would drive when I needed to get out of the office.
Now here I sit. Hood up. Shoes on. Future unfolding.
-As a side note the first time I typed this it deleted itself so I actually had to retype it and I edit some stuff as I didn't feel like retyping it all.