AHHHHHHH!
damn i really hate this. in some ways i am SOOO mad at roger, but at the same time i'm not! i'm not mad because that's the kind of person i am, i just want to forgive him and move on and having everything be happy go lucky. but i'm stuck and it's beginning to dawn on me that everythng will NEVER be happy go lucky because he is too much of a pussy and doesnt' even care about the situation.
he could care less if we never spoke again, he could care less if we are friends again, he could care less what i hvae to say or think about him, he could care less! while i still care so much! and it's breaking to the point of extreme anger. i don't want things to end up like david but they are going to, it seems inevitable. i didn't want it to be like this/. I DIDNT WANT IT TO BE LIKE THIS! the only way to deal with this hurt is turn it to anger... which i don't want to do but i have no other choice. i can't sit around here waiting for him to call me and then i'll magically be friends with him. that's not the way it works. samantha,things are never going to be the same, we will never be best friends again, we will never be anywhere near okay... i mean what... is it gonna take him two years to decide to talk to me? cuz if that's the case it WILL be like david, and i won't want to talk to him.
i kept talking to myself about it like he still cares about me and my feelings and considers me a friend but now i see he doesn't, i'm just another girl he fucked right? that's how it ended up right? he fuckin played me, got caught, i FORGAVE him, he did it again 5 times worse. he hasn't called me since i hung up on him, he only talked to me online and even though he was nice i realize now that roger has been feeding me shit for the last two years. it hurts so bad and i want to cry, but it's more like cry out of anger. how could he do that to me? that's really fucked up. after all the times i was there for him when he cried, how i would drop EVRYTHING to cheer him up. he's a dick and i got manipulated and i never thought it would be like this.
now i am beginning to realize that he was fuckin with my head fromt he very beginning, and that everything he said to me was lies. my heart tells me that there is no way that he didnt' love me, that was my solace was that well i know in my heart that at one time he lvoed me, but you know what... he probably didn't. and that is SOOOO fucked up but i let him get to know me and he figured me out and figured out how to manipulate and play me. i wanted to stay friends with him so bad, but ya know what... i don't think i do. i mean why would i want to be friends with him? he hasnt' been there for me for like the last 2 or 3 months, he has no idea what goes on in my life, he puts me through shit while i'm already going through shit. like what the fuck. he doesn't even deserve to know what's going on in my life. and even if i told him, he would just pretend he cares like he has pretended about everything else.
i don't want these feelings to turn into hate, but they are slowly twisting towards it. ii mean i told myself well i need to tell him that hif he gets her pregnant i want him to tell me right away.. but what the hell would it matter if i told him that because he would still be to pussy to tell me, he wouldn't care how i felt. i can't believe i poured so much time and energy and loyalty and trust into something that was bullshit after the first 3 months. he was so mad when i told him he used me for sex and status... and he told me how bad it hurt him that i said it, but hell... i think he was just again manipulating me. making ME feel bad for thinking that! well i have every fuckin reason to think that. i look at the fact that i apprached him at graduation and i know i shouldn't have, he didn't deserve that, but atleast i have the consolation that i was big enough to suck it up, and if i never talk to him again, atleast i know for a fact that i did my part.
i don't care if he never calls... ,i dont' even know if i would answer the phone. it's all about me trying me ALWAYS trying... so fuck it, graduation was goodbye. who knows, maybe one day, but i'm done, i'm fuckin through. i did the sad thing, i did the nice thing, i tired to be friends, whatever. it hurts so bad and i'm so angry, i don't even know if there is anything he could do to stop that. i know that being angry will just make me think about it more than i do now... but i've been the nice girl and i'm through with that shit. it's so hard for me to fathom that everything i thought i knew for the last 2 years was all complete and total bullshit. like how do you accept that? how do you accept that the ONLY person who ever TRULY knew you was an imposter. i opened up to him like i never have before in my life, how could anyone do that to ANYONE!
and he yells at candace for breaking people's hearts! ha! he put mine in a blender and drank it! i am not the same. i will never be the same again. KARMA IS SUCH A BITCH! i can see david saying all of this about me, how after opening up and being best friends and a couple for so long that i just blew him off and movedo n with my life like it was nothing. KARMA IS A BITCH! i wanted to stay friends, but why do i want to be friends with someone who doesn't care... well i dont'. i know that i will miss him with every fucking breath i take, but there is nothing left. samantha, he does NOT care about you or your feelings or anything you ahve to say, think, do, nothing.
ROGER DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE> i have to get that through my head. my heart is broken but i don' t care anymore, it will break forever but i'm tired of expecting him to call or email or anything, i'm tired of it. everyday i wait in anticipation, checking to see if he dropped me a line or called and left a message SOMETHING, but he hasn't. he won't. and i just need to accept that. it doesnt' matter to him anymore.... and thats' the facts of my life. to him i'm worthless, and he will regret it one day when he realizes that i'm worth more than he'll ever conceive.
fuck roger for not wanting to be friends, fuck roger for not caring, fuck roger for fuckin with my head for these last few years, i should've just let heather have him to begin with and she'd be the one dealing with his shit, not me. but she's dealing with it now, and i'm done. it's so fucked up. i think it's about that time to say goodbye... i'm tired of dealing with it... not ready yet, but definitely getting there. more later.
he could care less if we never spoke again, he could care less if we are friends again, he could care less what i hvae to say or think about him, he could care less! while i still care so much! and it's breaking to the point of extreme anger. i don't want things to end up like david but they are going to, it seems inevitable. i didn't want it to be like this/. I DIDNT WANT IT TO BE LIKE THIS! the only way to deal with this hurt is turn it to anger... which i don't want to do but i have no other choice. i can't sit around here waiting for him to call me and then i'll magically be friends with him. that's not the way it works. samantha,things are never going to be the same, we will never be best friends again, we will never be anywhere near okay... i mean what... is it gonna take him two years to decide to talk to me? cuz if that's the case it WILL be like david, and i won't want to talk to him.
i kept talking to myself about it like he still cares about me and my feelings and considers me a friend but now i see he doesn't, i'm just another girl he fucked right? that's how it ended up right? he fuckin played me, got caught, i FORGAVE him, he did it again 5 times worse. he hasn't called me since i hung up on him, he only talked to me online and even though he was nice i realize now that roger has been feeding me shit for the last two years. it hurts so bad and i want to cry, but it's more like cry out of anger. how could he do that to me? that's really fucked up. after all the times i was there for him when he cried, how i would drop EVRYTHING to cheer him up. he's a dick and i got manipulated and i never thought it would be like this.
now i am beginning to realize that he was fuckin with my head fromt he very beginning, and that everything he said to me was lies. my heart tells me that there is no way that he didnt' love me, that was my solace was that well i know in my heart that at one time he lvoed me, but you know what... he probably didn't. and that is SOOOO fucked up but i let him get to know me and he figured me out and figured out how to manipulate and play me. i wanted to stay friends with him so bad, but ya know what... i don't think i do. i mean why would i want to be friends with him? he hasnt' been there for me for like the last 2 or 3 months, he has no idea what goes on in my life, he puts me through shit while i'm already going through shit. like what the fuck. he doesn't even deserve to know what's going on in my life. and even if i told him, he would just pretend he cares like he has pretended about everything else.
i don't want these feelings to turn into hate, but they are slowly twisting towards it. ii mean i told myself well i need to tell him that hif he gets her pregnant i want him to tell me right away.. but what the hell would it matter if i told him that because he would still be to pussy to tell me, he wouldn't care how i felt. i can't believe i poured so much time and energy and loyalty and trust into something that was bullshit after the first 3 months. he was so mad when i told him he used me for sex and status... and he told me how bad it hurt him that i said it, but hell... i think he was just again manipulating me. making ME feel bad for thinking that! well i have every fuckin reason to think that. i look at the fact that i apprached him at graduation and i know i shouldn't have, he didn't deserve that, but atleast i have the consolation that i was big enough to suck it up, and if i never talk to him again, atleast i know for a fact that i did my part.
i don't care if he never calls... ,i dont' even know if i would answer the phone. it's all about me trying me ALWAYS trying... so fuck it, graduation was goodbye. who knows, maybe one day, but i'm done, i'm fuckin through. i did the sad thing, i did the nice thing, i tired to be friends, whatever. it hurts so bad and i'm so angry, i don't even know if there is anything he could do to stop that. i know that being angry will just make me think about it more than i do now... but i've been the nice girl and i'm through with that shit. it's so hard for me to fathom that everything i thought i knew for the last 2 years was all complete and total bullshit. like how do you accept that? how do you accept that the ONLY person who ever TRULY knew you was an imposter. i opened up to him like i never have before in my life, how could anyone do that to ANYONE!
and he yells at candace for breaking people's hearts! ha! he put mine in a blender and drank it! i am not the same. i will never be the same again. KARMA IS SUCH A BITCH! i can see david saying all of this about me, how after opening up and being best friends and a couple for so long that i just blew him off and movedo n with my life like it was nothing. KARMA IS A BITCH! i wanted to stay friends, but why do i want to be friends with someone who doesn't care... well i dont'. i know that i will miss him with every fucking breath i take, but there is nothing left. samantha, he does NOT care about you or your feelings or anything you ahve to say, think, do, nothing.
ROGER DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE> i have to get that through my head. my heart is broken but i don' t care anymore, it will break forever but i'm tired of expecting him to call or email or anything, i'm tired of it. everyday i wait in anticipation, checking to see if he dropped me a line or called and left a message SOMETHING, but he hasn't. he won't. and i just need to accept that. it doesnt' matter to him anymore.... and thats' the facts of my life. to him i'm worthless, and he will regret it one day when he realizes that i'm worth more than he'll ever conceive.
fuck roger for not wanting to be friends, fuck roger for not caring, fuck roger for fuckin with my head for these last few years, i should've just let heather have him to begin with and she'd be the one dealing with his shit, not me. but she's dealing with it now, and i'm done. it's so fucked up. i think it's about that time to say goodbye... i'm tired of dealing with it... not ready yet, but definitely getting there. more later.