Wednesday's Putterings
Topics contained herein:
I first notice -- and name -- my husband's hypomanic state and I contemplate attacking the house. I also define some stressors that I will deal with in coming weeks.
Weather / Phenology:
This weather is slaying me. It feels like March. My joints are aching in that good way that means spring is on the way - except, of course, it’s not. (We are having a very slow melt of 5-6 inches of snow. The temp is always right around 33 degrees.) I think it has been mostly overcast but the snow cover makes it feel reasonably bright … until about 4:30 when dusk creeps over. It’s full dark by 5:30.
Mood Summary:
I stayed awake all day! No naps. No sleeping in. I’m exhausted :D I just sort of puttered today and that’s okay. I didn’t get through my next tasks and I didn’t actually follow my routines … but I thought about it. Yup. I’m still pretty pissed about my lack of accomplishment in these days.
To make matters even more interesting, my beloved is completely hypomanic…in a good way, I think. No, seriously. Have you seen Groundhog’s Day? There’s a scene where Bill Murray is telling the groundhog, “Don’t drive angry … don’t drive angry.” As R-and I returned home from fetching pizza, I was bracing against the dashboard and he was chanting, “Don’t drive manic…don’t drive manic.” Whee. In truth it was just an unfortunate collision between my winter-driving phobia and his general sense of immortality. He’s a joy when he’s like this and I don’t get to see it very often. I wish I felt good enough to join him.
I suspect that his mood elevation is a result of lightening stress. He started on a mood stabilizer and tweaked his anti-depressant dosage a couple of months ago. As usual, the meds seemed to work really fast for him. He pulled out of the emotional dive that sent him to his shrink for modifications and he stabilized. We were, however, mired in a couple of nasty-sticky situations: Gmom and our finances were both ailing badly and we couldn’t really see a way to fix either problem. Now that Gmom is settling into her apartment and we’ve decided to pay off all of our debt by tapping R-‘s 401K, our lives are improving fast. I think I’m seeing the results of the reduced stress right now.
For me, it’s a little different. In the process of moving Gmom into a retirement complex, we also increased my daughter’s earning potential and opened up a nice apartment for her. I suppose I’m having some stress about my baby-girl’s fledging. Don’t get me wrong, I think we are all ready and I want her to enjoy some independence and freedom. It’s just a little weird for me. I’ve never concerned myself with future deadlines and milestones … I’ve always been too involved with getting through each day, each week, each season or each year.
I’m a strange pessimistic optimist. I do believe that everything usually works out for the best in the end, but I also believe that whatever can go wrong, along the way, will. I feel pretty comfortable with the Gmom situation. Sister D--, however, can’t quiet her nerves. I spoke to her again today. She’s not where I am. I want to let Gmom settle into her new place without much interference from me or anyone else. I just don’t want to think about her as much as I have been for months. Sister D-, I think, is trapped. Now that she’s handled most of the crisis details, she’s considering the idea that Gmom might not make it through 2006. She doesn’t know if she fears death or further disability. I understand that she may be right but, truth be told, I can’t even begin to think like that now. Of course our mother is not immortal but … I don’t know. It just doesn’t make sense to me that we would all go through the last five (!) months only to end up dealing with another, even more horrible, crisis so soon.
I think my own stress level will recede after:
I’ve paid out the 401K money
M- has signed a lease on her apartment
We get past my dad’s death date
I put my house back together
It’s hard for me to wait around for conditions to satisfy themselves. I can and should jump into my house issues with both feet. I thought I was going to do that today. Maybe tomorrow.
Accomplishments:
I got started on some of the financial / household organization tasks. I enjoyed filling out my 2006 calendar … I only got as far as August and I still have to add education schedules but I’m pleased with how it’s coming together. Once again I let Ch- have young master L- and young mistress K- over to play. I enjoyed each of my immediate family members at least once today. I handled several business telephone calls and comforted my sister. Not bad, I guess.
Gratitudes:
my husband
the fact that my immediate family members are nice to one another
the weather
Step Count:
Next Tasks
(tasks = 6 per day / focuses = 4 per week)
1) 30 minutes sort and store new stuff
2) 30 minutes picking up, polishing, dusting, taking out trash
3) 90 minutes sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, rug care
4) 15 minutes organize bill paying area per FRP
5) call Starr to confirm ride for Gmom on Fri at noon
6) sort all laundry, put away clean stuff, wash the rest
F: restore / establish routines & keeping score
F: put house to rights
F: money
F: school
Goal Level Behaviors
2006 Next Little Bit List
Routines
The Fat Man Walking
Netflix 100
Tonight’s Sky
OKCupid's meme results bug me. I hate all the crap about how I compared to other test takers. When I try to edit that section of the results out of the code, I screw up the borders of the table. I'm going to have to find a better system but until then, I'll just add the link to the test as follows:
Link to Tally Here
low functioning
Accomplishments: 85 , Sphere Comparison: (Health & Body = 3 ) ( Hearth & Home = 7 ) (Mind & Soul = 7 )
I first notice -- and name -- my husband's hypomanic state and I contemplate attacking the house. I also define some stressors that I will deal with in coming weeks.
Weather / Phenology:
This weather is slaying me. It feels like March. My joints are aching in that good way that means spring is on the way - except, of course, it’s not. (We are having a very slow melt of 5-6 inches of snow. The temp is always right around 33 degrees.) I think it has been mostly overcast but the snow cover makes it feel reasonably bright … until about 4:30 when dusk creeps over. It’s full dark by 5:30.
Mood Summary:
I stayed awake all day! No naps. No sleeping in. I’m exhausted :D I just sort of puttered today and that’s okay. I didn’t get through my next tasks and I didn’t actually follow my routines … but I thought about it. Yup. I’m still pretty pissed about my lack of accomplishment in these days.
To make matters even more interesting, my beloved is completely hypomanic…in a good way, I think. No, seriously. Have you seen Groundhog’s Day? There’s a scene where Bill Murray is telling the groundhog, “Don’t drive angry … don’t drive angry.” As R-and I returned home from fetching pizza, I was bracing against the dashboard and he was chanting, “Don’t drive manic…don’t drive manic.” Whee. In truth it was just an unfortunate collision between my winter-driving phobia and his general sense of immortality. He’s a joy when he’s like this and I don’t get to see it very often. I wish I felt good enough to join him.
I suspect that his mood elevation is a result of lightening stress. He started on a mood stabilizer and tweaked his anti-depressant dosage a couple of months ago. As usual, the meds seemed to work really fast for him. He pulled out of the emotional dive that sent him to his shrink for modifications and he stabilized. We were, however, mired in a couple of nasty-sticky situations: Gmom and our finances were both ailing badly and we couldn’t really see a way to fix either problem. Now that Gmom is settling into her apartment and we’ve decided to pay off all of our debt by tapping R-‘s 401K, our lives are improving fast. I think I’m seeing the results of the reduced stress right now.
For me, it’s a little different. In the process of moving Gmom into a retirement complex, we also increased my daughter’s earning potential and opened up a nice apartment for her. I suppose I’m having some stress about my baby-girl’s fledging. Don’t get me wrong, I think we are all ready and I want her to enjoy some independence and freedom. It’s just a little weird for me. I’ve never concerned myself with future deadlines and milestones … I’ve always been too involved with getting through each day, each week, each season or each year.
I’m a strange pessimistic optimist. I do believe that everything usually works out for the best in the end, but I also believe that whatever can go wrong, along the way, will. I feel pretty comfortable with the Gmom situation. Sister D--, however, can’t quiet her nerves. I spoke to her again today. She’s not where I am. I want to let Gmom settle into her new place without much interference from me or anyone else. I just don’t want to think about her as much as I have been for months. Sister D-, I think, is trapped. Now that she’s handled most of the crisis details, she’s considering the idea that Gmom might not make it through 2006. She doesn’t know if she fears death or further disability. I understand that she may be right but, truth be told, I can’t even begin to think like that now. Of course our mother is not immortal but … I don’t know. It just doesn’t make sense to me that we would all go through the last five (!) months only to end up dealing with another, even more horrible, crisis so soon.
I think my own stress level will recede after:
I’ve paid out the 401K money
M- has signed a lease on her apartment
We get past my dad’s death date
I put my house back together
It’s hard for me to wait around for conditions to satisfy themselves. I can and should jump into my house issues with both feet. I thought I was going to do that today. Maybe tomorrow.
Accomplishments:
I got started on some of the financial / household organization tasks. I enjoyed filling out my 2006 calendar … I only got as far as August and I still have to add education schedules but I’m pleased with how it’s coming together. Once again I let Ch- have young master L- and young mistress K- over to play. I enjoyed each of my immediate family members at least once today. I handled several business telephone calls and comforted my sister. Not bad, I guess.
Gratitudes:
my husband
the fact that my immediate family members are nice to one another
the weather
Step Count:
Next Tasks
(tasks = 6 per day / focuses = 4 per week)
1) 30 minutes sort and store new stuff
2) 30 minutes picking up, polishing, dusting, taking out trash
3) 90 minutes sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, rug care
4) 15 minutes organize bill paying area per FRP
5) call Starr to confirm ride for Gmom on Fri at noon
6) sort all laundry, put away clean stuff, wash the rest
F: restore / establish routines & keeping score
F: put house to rights
F: money
F: school
Goal Level Behaviors
2006 Next Little Bit List
Routines
The Fat Man Walking
Netflix 100
Tonight’s Sky
OKCupid's meme results bug me. I hate all the crap about how I compared to other test takers. When I try to edit that section of the results out of the code, I screw up the borders of the table. I'm going to have to find a better system but until then, I'll just add the link to the test as follows:
Link to Tally Here
low functioning
Accomplishments: 85 , Sphere Comparison: (Health & Body = 3 ) ( Hearth & Home = 7 ) (Mind & Soul = 7 )