Back again.
I need to get my little Ipod knock-off up and running again. If I could Be Like That is playing on R-‘s pc right now. It’s the first music I’ve heard in days … maybe weeks. I was about to correct that time estimate because I went dancing with Mz K- “recently”. Upon further reflection however, I can’t quite recall how many weeks ago that happened. I know I had a fabulous time. (Might have been a bit manic that night.) And now we have Black Velvet .
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Seasons. Cycles. The turn of the wheel. And, the passage of time of course. I’m writing in word at the moment so I’m not going to check exactly when my last entry was but I think it must have been at the beginning of October. Today is, what, the 27th? Where did all those days and hours go? Let’s see…One week was taken out by my dog’s complicated neuter surgery. One week fell to a flu-like illness. Gmom remains a challenge. Oh - and Ch-‘s birthday consumed another week. I suppose it all makes sense.
Black Water.
The boy is bugging me these days. Its as if he’s lost his will to be useful.
Blackbird (Beatles). I wasn’t aware of the color theme until today.
He’s having his social year. Which is a good thing, I guess. M- didn’t give me this kind of trouble until she entered middle school. Ch-‘s school conference felt terribly familiar: “He’s an excellent student … Before the year started I was concerned there would be social issues, based on his past history, but he seems to be integrating very well … I seated him at the back of the room because I expected him to be quiet and keep to himself but I’ve had to warn him, and the kids around him, several times … I’m not concerned … he remains responsive to correction for being chatty … It’s actually nice to see him succeeding in his peer group. It doesn’t worry me that his test scores fell; he’ll easily catch up.” She means that he’ll easily regain the ground he lost over the summer. There is no one for Ch- to catch up too. He’s still scoring in the high 90’s across the board.
M- doesn’t remember that her teachers thought she was gifted. And when I try to remind her, she thinks I’m making it up to make her feel better in light of her brother.
I fucking hate being a parent sometimes. I’m just not qualified.
*****
An hour has passed. Devil Went Down to Georgia, by Ch-‘s request, is echoing through the house. I just stepped out to light the pillar candle inside our Jack-O-Lantern. Sister D- phoned to fill me in on more details of yesterday’s assault on Gmom. The sisters rolled into town in order to find better living arrangements in the early hours. I rescued my daughter (Gmom’s Tues-Wed PCA) while the other three toured three buildings. I wanted to keep out of it all. Still, I’m glad that Sister D-, at least, tries to keep me in the loop. One that front, btw, they found a building-one that Gmom can afford-which provides all the necessary services AND would allow her to keep a cat. Gmom emphatically says, “NO.” She would have to switch her meals-on-wheels provider in order to live there. This. Would. Not. Be. Acceptable.
Just FYI--in the event that my virtual friends haven’t given up entirely and are consequently reading this missive-I must offer warnings. I am buzzed. I’m now drinking semi-warm beers. (I only had five chilled in the fridge. Inadequate.) I don’t mind but I could degenerate into maudlin, repetitive diatribes without warning. Move along if you are squeamish.
I’m not exactly sure how I retreat into non-existence but I do. ‘No rhyme or reason to the disappearances either. Sometimes its about an Event. (Some horrifying and paralyzing happening that knocks me for a loop.) More often, its about Nothing. Right now, I should probably be having a bath. Or coloring my hair and nails.
R-has come home. I have no idea what the evening holds. (We had a pretty serious spat on the phone today.) Time to post. And I refuse to think about it.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Seasons. Cycles. The turn of the wheel. And, the passage of time of course. I’m writing in word at the moment so I’m not going to check exactly when my last entry was but I think it must have been at the beginning of October. Today is, what, the 27th? Where did all those days and hours go? Let’s see…One week was taken out by my dog’s complicated neuter surgery. One week fell to a flu-like illness. Gmom remains a challenge. Oh - and Ch-‘s birthday consumed another week. I suppose it all makes sense.
Black Water.
The boy is bugging me these days. Its as if he’s lost his will to be useful.
Blackbird (Beatles). I wasn’t aware of the color theme until today.
He’s having his social year. Which is a good thing, I guess. M- didn’t give me this kind of trouble until she entered middle school. Ch-‘s school conference felt terribly familiar: “He’s an excellent student … Before the year started I was concerned there would be social issues, based on his past history, but he seems to be integrating very well … I seated him at the back of the room because I expected him to be quiet and keep to himself but I’ve had to warn him, and the kids around him, several times … I’m not concerned … he remains responsive to correction for being chatty … It’s actually nice to see him succeeding in his peer group. It doesn’t worry me that his test scores fell; he’ll easily catch up.” She means that he’ll easily regain the ground he lost over the summer. There is no one for Ch- to catch up too. He’s still scoring in the high 90’s across the board.
M- doesn’t remember that her teachers thought she was gifted. And when I try to remind her, she thinks I’m making it up to make her feel better in light of her brother.
I fucking hate being a parent sometimes. I’m just not qualified.
*****
An hour has passed. Devil Went Down to Georgia, by Ch-‘s request, is echoing through the house. I just stepped out to light the pillar candle inside our Jack-O-Lantern. Sister D- phoned to fill me in on more details of yesterday’s assault on Gmom. The sisters rolled into town in order to find better living arrangements in the early hours. I rescued my daughter (Gmom’s Tues-Wed PCA) while the other three toured three buildings. I wanted to keep out of it all. Still, I’m glad that Sister D-, at least, tries to keep me in the loop. One that front, btw, they found a building-one that Gmom can afford-which provides all the necessary services AND would allow her to keep a cat. Gmom emphatically says, “NO.” She would have to switch her meals-on-wheels provider in order to live there. This. Would. Not. Be. Acceptable.
Just FYI--in the event that my virtual friends haven’t given up entirely and are consequently reading this missive-I must offer warnings. I am buzzed. I’m now drinking semi-warm beers. (I only had five chilled in the fridge. Inadequate.) I don’t mind but I could degenerate into maudlin, repetitive diatribes without warning. Move along if you are squeamish.
I’m not exactly sure how I retreat into non-existence but I do. ‘No rhyme or reason to the disappearances either. Sometimes its about an Event. (Some horrifying and paralyzing happening that knocks me for a loop.) More often, its about Nothing. Right now, I should probably be having a bath. Or coloring my hair and nails.
R-has come home. I have no idea what the evening holds. (We had a pretty serious spat on the phone today.) Time to post. And I refuse to think about it.