Today's Putterings
Time-Munching Gibberish:
All of a sudden I'm crabby as hell. I finished my daily summary (behind cut) less than an hour ago. I was fine then. I think the shock came when I realized what time it is now (2:41am). All of my plans to settle in and clear my mind by getting my thoughts into this journal are toast.
Early this morning R-- and I talked. I went to his bed, after finishing up here, still reeling from a "new" realization. It takes me forever to write. I think I spent a couple of hours just working up the few paragraphs I wrote as a preamble to yesterday's "Putterings" entry. [...checking...] Not including the word definitions that I merely cut and pasted, I wrote 497 words. In two hours. And the words themselves are nothing special--just free-form ramblings, really. How the hell, then, am I supposed to find/make enough time to accumulate any decent output? I've read that 3 pages (roughly 1000 words) would be a reasonable daily goal for a serious writer. That's a minimum of 4 hours per day folks. For rough draft, stream of consciousness work. Even I didn't really understand that, for me at least, writing would need to consume the lion's share of every day. I don't know how to allow myself to steal that much time from my life.
The process has never been a problem. I am happy when I'm writing. It doesn't feel like hours are passing when I write. Every time I come to the end of a piece, I am reluctant to let go. I like editing myself. I feel best about myself and my level of productivity when I've written something during the day.
R-- said wonderful things. Encouraging things. But I'm still hurting. I don't think I have the option of being a not-writer. When I refuse to put my thoughts to paper, I must stop thinking complex thoughts. I know that sounds crazy but its more true than I can express. One intriguing concept or experience illuminates two new paths, and the two illuminate four ... Eventually the paths become so numerous and intertwined that I become lost. The only way I can find myself in the labyrinth is to write myself detailed directions.
I came to live journal because I had stopped writing (and thinking). I wanted to be stimulated. Well, I'm stimulated all right. All the {dead}lights are on and I'm not a bit sleepy ... But. The time is now 3:33. And I must sleep because tomorrow I have to chirp for my mother.
(That was a bitter and childish jab that I should delete. Blaming and shaming are so 1980.)
A little perspective: I've written more in the last two months than I wrote in the 2 years before that.
Weather: Currently partly cloudy and 72. Today got up into the low 80's ... and it felt like it. M-- and I did did some errands in town and were repeatedly struck by the temp difference between the stores and the parking lots. The house was so warm when we returned home that we decided to siesta for a couple of hours. Again, it feels like a summer night. I'm not sure why I haven't yet set up on the patio to do my journal--bugs I suppose.
Mood Summary:
I got back to work today and feel reasonably accomplished. The house is nice. I'm having problems with Ch--. He seems owly and I know its because he's not getting the sleep nor the structure he's used to. I have a hard time holding a bedtime line when its summer. For his sake, I need to do that. And I need to print out his first tally. He'll be occupied tomorrow. (I have to take M-- to GMom so she can do her last shift before vacation. Then there will be our first private clogging lesson.) I must make sure he's well dressed and fed before we embark. We did phone J--'s family to find out when we will get the next cousin-companion but didn't actually connect. But this is supposed to be about my mood. Hmmm. Weird. I vacillate between thinking I have things well in hand and feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling guilty about not writing more.
Accomplishments:
nice outing with M-- (She told me she enjoys spending time with me.)
accomplished three of several errands
vacuumed both stories and the stairs
cleaned up the rabbit area
was nice to R-- on Father's Day
read a little!
spiffied the yard & did animal chores
cleaned the kitchen and bath back to very nice
entered expenses
Gratitudes:
the kids. They took care of Father's Day.
live journal. I haven't yet commented but I did catch up on my reading today. It just makes me happy.
my nice outing w/ M-- (Did I mention that she said she enjoys spending time with me?)
Borders and Panera
being caught up on BOTH the mowing and laundry
the concept of siesta ... esp. in a house w/o air conditioning
reading
Next Tasks
(maintenance-type limit = 6 per day / major-type limit = 4 per week)
1) plan some dinners and buy appropriate meats (fried rice & gramdma schlopp)
2) balance the checkbooks and double check bills
3) return book, pay fine at library / take M-- to buy trip toiletries (Anoka trip)
4) clogging class
5) dip, dust and clip another coop
6) Keeping Score
M: paint patio table
M: gardens (inc. beans & onion sets)
M: dip, dust and clip the rest of the chickens
M: Keeping Score (journal, Ch--, community??)
Goal Level Behaviors
Master / Source List
high function
Daily score: 195. Emphases comparison: (health and body = 13/47) (hearth and home = 23/66) (mind and soul = 14/91 )
All of a sudden I'm crabby as hell. I finished my daily summary (behind cut) less than an hour ago. I was fine then. I think the shock came when I realized what time it is now (2:41am). All of my plans to settle in and clear my mind by getting my thoughts into this journal are toast.
Early this morning R-- and I talked. I went to his bed, after finishing up here, still reeling from a "new" realization. It takes me forever to write. I think I spent a couple of hours just working up the few paragraphs I wrote as a preamble to yesterday's "Putterings" entry. [...checking...] Not including the word definitions that I merely cut and pasted, I wrote 497 words. In two hours. And the words themselves are nothing special--just free-form ramblings, really. How the hell, then, am I supposed to find/make enough time to accumulate any decent output? I've read that 3 pages (roughly 1000 words) would be a reasonable daily goal for a serious writer. That's a minimum of 4 hours per day folks. For rough draft, stream of consciousness work. Even I didn't really understand that, for me at least, writing would need to consume the lion's share of every day. I don't know how to allow myself to steal that much time from my life.
The process has never been a problem. I am happy when I'm writing. It doesn't feel like hours are passing when I write. Every time I come to the end of a piece, I am reluctant to let go. I like editing myself. I feel best about myself and my level of productivity when I've written something during the day.
R-- said wonderful things. Encouraging things. But I'm still hurting. I don't think I have the option of being a not-writer. When I refuse to put my thoughts to paper, I must stop thinking complex thoughts. I know that sounds crazy but its more true than I can express. One intriguing concept or experience illuminates two new paths, and the two illuminate four ... Eventually the paths become so numerous and intertwined that I become lost. The only way I can find myself in the labyrinth is to write myself detailed directions.
I came to live journal because I had stopped writing (and thinking). I wanted to be stimulated. Well, I'm stimulated all right. All the {dead}lights are on and I'm not a bit sleepy ... But. The time is now 3:33. And I must sleep because tomorrow I have to chirp for my mother.
(That was a bitter and childish jab that I should delete. Blaming and shaming are so 1980.)
A little perspective: I've written more in the last two months than I wrote in the 2 years before that.
Weather: Currently partly cloudy and 72. Today got up into the low 80's ... and it felt like it. M-- and I did did some errands in town and were repeatedly struck by the temp difference between the stores and the parking lots. The house was so warm when we returned home that we decided to siesta for a couple of hours. Again, it feels like a summer night. I'm not sure why I haven't yet set up on the patio to do my journal--bugs I suppose.
Mood Summary:
I got back to work today and feel reasonably accomplished. The house is nice. I'm having problems with Ch--. He seems owly and I know its because he's not getting the sleep nor the structure he's used to. I have a hard time holding a bedtime line when its summer. For his sake, I need to do that. And I need to print out his first tally. He'll be occupied tomorrow. (I have to take M-- to GMom so she can do her last shift before vacation. Then there will be our first private clogging lesson.) I must make sure he's well dressed and fed before we embark. We did phone J--'s family to find out when we will get the next cousin-companion but didn't actually connect. But this is supposed to be about my mood. Hmmm. Weird. I vacillate between thinking I have things well in hand and feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling guilty about not writing more.
Accomplishments:
nice outing with M-- (She told me she enjoys spending time with me.)
accomplished three of several errands
vacuumed both stories and the stairs
cleaned up the rabbit area
was nice to R-- on Father's Day
read a little!
spiffied the yard & did animal chores
cleaned the kitchen and bath back to very nice
entered expenses
Gratitudes:
the kids. They took care of Father's Day.
live journal. I haven't yet commented but I did catch up on my reading today. It just makes me happy.
my nice outing w/ M-- (Did I mention that she said she enjoys spending time with me?)
Borders and Panera
being caught up on BOTH the mowing and laundry
the concept of siesta ... esp. in a house w/o air conditioning
reading
Next Tasks
(maintenance-type limit = 6 per day / major-type limit = 4 per week)
1) plan some dinners and buy appropriate meats (fried rice & gramdma schlopp)
2) balance the checkbooks and double check bills
3) return book, pay fine at library / take M-- to buy trip toiletries (Anoka trip)
4) clogging class
5) dip, dust and clip another coop
6) Keeping Score
M: paint patio table
M: gardens (inc. beans & onion sets)
M: dip, dust and clip the rest of the chickens
M: Keeping Score (journal, Ch--, community??)
Goal Level Behaviors
Master / Source List
high function
Daily score: 195. Emphases comparison: (health and body = 13/47) (hearth and home = 23/66) (mind and soul = 14/91 )