(no subject)
Yeah. So, my birthday is in 1 week. I will technically be in my mid-30's. Not the 35 mark. But, 34 is close enough. I think I am finally at the crossroads. Decisions need to be made, and likely, it will be me to decide, and to move on. Well, with husband in hand that is.
I'm getting to that point in my life where I am actually comfortable with getting older, and am finding some sort of solace from it. I had spent so much time fighting the inevitable, and now see how ludicrous it all is. Now, I need to stop feeling dread, and do whatever it is in my power to make myself happy. Not that I am unhappy. I am in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and would truly dissolve into nothing if I didn't have him in my life. 6 years married June 14th (flag day!) and 8 years together total (started dating June 14th 2001!) I am truly blessed to have him. He has helped me break out of my shell. It is a nice feeling to have someone in your life who has faith in you and believes you are a talented and intelligent person. Often, more than I believe in myself.
Now I need to get myself to believe in it 100%. Having an ego isn't necessarily a bad thing, right? Maybe I need to read up on my Freud :P Somehow I will grow into something more.
I am starting to really enjoy gardening, and at one point in my life I would have thought how sad to enjoy staring and talking to a plant. Maybe I have been watching the Buddhist monk next door for too long. But, I think playing in dirt and watching a plant blossom or just stay a live because of my actions has brought to my attention what power I do have over life in general. Including my own. Maybe I need to write some metaphors and analogies to my life and gardening. Maybe it will help me draw more connections.
I have in the past attempted to dabble in writing, and maybe I need to do more of it. I haven't necessarily lost touch with myself, but I often ignore my inner voice. I like to self-censor a lot. Not just because of what other people might think, but sometimes being honest with myself isn't the easiest thing to do. But, maybe it is more about what others think. Can you really hide your own feelings from yourself?
Yeah, So, My kitty Cos is running around with a fake mouse in his mouth MEOWING quite proudly. He is definitely NOT self-censoring.
I'm getting to that point in my life where I am actually comfortable with getting older, and am finding some sort of solace from it. I had spent so much time fighting the inevitable, and now see how ludicrous it all is. Now, I need to stop feeling dread, and do whatever it is in my power to make myself happy. Not that I am unhappy. I am in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and would truly dissolve into nothing if I didn't have him in my life. 6 years married June 14th (flag day!) and 8 years together total (started dating June 14th 2001!) I am truly blessed to have him. He has helped me break out of my shell. It is a nice feeling to have someone in your life who has faith in you and believes you are a talented and intelligent person. Often, more than I believe in myself.
Now I need to get myself to believe in it 100%. Having an ego isn't necessarily a bad thing, right? Maybe I need to read up on my Freud :P Somehow I will grow into something more.
I am starting to really enjoy gardening, and at one point in my life I would have thought how sad to enjoy staring and talking to a plant. Maybe I have been watching the Buddhist monk next door for too long. But, I think playing in dirt and watching a plant blossom or just stay a live because of my actions has brought to my attention what power I do have over life in general. Including my own. Maybe I need to write some metaphors and analogies to my life and gardening. Maybe it will help me draw more connections.
I have in the past attempted to dabble in writing, and maybe I need to do more of it. I haven't necessarily lost touch with myself, but I often ignore my inner voice. I like to self-censor a lot. Not just because of what other people might think, but sometimes being honest with myself isn't the easiest thing to do. But, maybe it is more about what others think. Can you really hide your own feelings from yourself?
Yeah, So, My kitty Cos is running around with a fake mouse in his mouth MEOWING quite proudly. He is definitely NOT self-censoring.