How to NOT make a death threat
- I have an ex-husband, he has a new wife. Neither are really paragons of intelligence or sanity. Example: My Ex thought me using the term "iambic pentameter" (in context of a poet) was me "trying to be all German" (which made no sense), he used to pronounce "Facade" as "Fah-kade" and once called a high school friend of mine to tell her I had died in a car accident. The new wife believes all creativity (writers, artists, people who play rpgs) have what she calls the "D&D mentality", she thinks Mexicans are evil and has a bad habit of showing up at my door to freak out about bizarre things that never happened. (Like accused me of trying to move to Arizona. Randomly.) My ex and I have children together so we TRY to get along -- for the kids. I dislike his new wife because she's really, really stupid with a side of crazy.
My ex calls me, hoping I can offer some suggestions on a dilemma.
Him: Jodi has been getting death threat texts at work today. She's really freaked out!
Me: Death Threat Texts?
Him: Yeah!
Me: Um...one, call Sprint or whoever (I suggested the police as well) if she's really freaked -- and two, it's not me.
Him: I know that, it's a man.
Me: er...wha...from a text message? (wondering how he knew it was a man from a text message)
Him: Well, the phone number is right there. (that seemed...odd)
Me: So, it wasn't blocked? Someone text'd her death threats unblocked? *that seemed really bizarre*
Him: And I called the number and got his voicemail, and it was a guy. A young sounding guy.
Me: Are you suuuure it's not a wrong number?
Him: He kept doing it and EVEN LEFT HIS INITIALS. (First sign of impending stupid)
Me: Left his initials? (Who the hell would *sign* a death threat? Unblocked? Or at all?)
Him: Yeah, J.K.
Me:...
Me:...
Me: J...K?
Him: yeah!
Me: JK!
Him: yeah.
Me:...
Him: hello?
Me: BUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAAHA!
Me: That means JUST KIDDING. It's like "El-oh-El" *giggle* No one is going to sign a death threat with their initials.
Him: Oh.
Me: *teases him some more, laughs some more, he didn't take offense but did decide that it made his wife the stupid one.*
Apparently, there were two texts, one was "I'm so going to kill you! j/k" and something similar.
No bitterness, just hilarity.
Edited: For clarity
Original Text
My ex calls me, hoping I can offer some suggestions on a dilemma.
Him: Jodi has been getting death threat texts at work today. She's really freaked out!
Me: Death Threat Texts?
Him: Yeah!
Me: Um...one, call Sprint or whoever (I suggested the police as well) if she's really freaked -- and two, it's not me.
Him: I know that, it's a man.
Me: er...wha...from a text message? (wondering how he knew it was a man from a text message)
Him: Well, the phone number is right there. (that seemed...odd)
Me: So, it wasn't blocked? Someone text'd her death threats unblocked? *that seemed really bizarre*
Him: And I called the number and got his voicemail, and it was a guy. A young sounding guy.
Me: Are you suuuure it's not a wrong number?
Him: He kept doing it and EVEN LEFT HIS INITIALS. (First sign of impending stupid)
Me: Left his initials? (Who the hell would *sign* a death threat? Unblocked? Or at all?)
Him: Yeah, J.K.
Me:...
Me:...
Me: J...K?
Him: yeah!
Me: JK!
Him: yeah.
Me:...
Him: hello?
Me: BUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAAHA!
Me: That means JUST KIDDING. It's like "El-oh-El" *giggle* No one is going to sign a death threat with their initials.
Him: Oh.
Me: *teases him some more, laughs some more, he didn't take offense but did decide that it made his wife the stupid one.*
Apparently, there were two texts, one was "I'm so going to kill you! j/k" and something similar.
No bitterness, just hilarity.
Edited: For clarity
Original Text