50 things Alfred F. Jones is no longer allowed to do at world meetings.
All the cool kids are doing it.
My list of things America is not allowed to do at world meetings. Mostly USUK-ish. I only managed to make it up to 50 orz
50 things Alfred F. Jones is no longer allowed to do at world meetings.
1. I am not, and never have been, Superman and will stop referring to myself as such.
2. Therefore I will also stop screaming ‘Kryptonite!’ and running out of the room whenever England brings scones to meetings.
3. Making fart noises whenever a speaker sits is neither intelligent nor entertaining.
4. I will not tie-dye Italy’s white flag.
5. England is not my ‘Damsel in Distress’.
6. Nor is he a Pretty Fairy Princess.
7. The Beatles did not actually originate in Springfield and I should stop insinuating as such.
8. I will not mention the English pudding ‘Spotted Dick’
9. Especially not around France.
10. The Queen of England is not secretly a punk raver.
11. Singing ‘Blame Canada’ is not a suitable answer to problems in meetings.
12. Adding ‘desu ~’ to the end of every sentence does not mean I can speak Japanese.
13. I will not ask China to ‘wok this way’.
14. I will not ask Romano if he likes Spain’s nice bananas.
15. The Allies theme song during the war was not ‘Go, go Power Rangers!’.
16. Nor was Team Rocket’s theme the Axis Powers’.
17. I will stop suggesting the former Allies form a boy band.
18. I will not present my speeches through the medium of rap.
19. I will not accept advice on my love life with England from Hungary.
20. And especially not from France.
21. England is not secretly The Stig and I will stop addressing him as such.
22. I will not incorporate The Fresh Prince rap into my speeches.
23. I will not carve potatoes out of soap and leave them on Germany’s desk.
24. I will stop asking Mattie to sing the Lumberjack song from Monty Python.
25. Mattie has never been, nor ever will be, known as ‘Canadia’.
26. I will not bribe Estonia into printing out the notes for meetings completely in ‘1337’.
27. I will not ask Scotland what is under his kilt.
28. Ireland does not appreciate being called a leprechaun.
29. Nor my asking where he hides his pot of gold.
30. It is not polite to refer to Wales as ‘just a part of England’.
31. I will not try and debate the proper way to ride a kangaroo with Australia (even though you obviously ride from the pouch).
32. Shouting ‘All hands on deck!’ and grabbing England’s ass is only appropriate in the privacy of the bedroom.
33. I will not inform Italy that the production of pasta has been made illegal to see if he cries.
34. I am not allowed to make comments on unicorns and England’s virginity.
35. I will not refer to Canada as ‘America lite’.
36. China will not ‘love me long time’.
37. Sweden’s national anthem was neither written nor performed by Abba.
38. I will not teach Belarus how to use a lasso to catch Russia.
39. Stuffing balloons down the front of my shirt and impersonating Ukraine with sound effects is not amusing.
40. I will not follow Korea around as he gropes people and shout ‘All your breasts are belong to us!’ before running away.
41. I will not ask Germany if he likes Italy to dress up like a dog in the bedroom.
42. I will not ask Italy the same question.
43. When discussing a solution to global warming, deforestation or pollution, I will not sing the Captain Planet theme song and appoint elements to each of the former Allies.
44. I will not make bets with France on the colour of England’s underwear that day.
45. Or if he is wearing any at all.
46. Especially since I always know.
47. I am not allowed to suggestively say ‘That’s not what you said last night’ in response to phrases such as ‘Please stop’ from England.
48. ‘Gobble, gobble?’ is not the correct way to greet Turkey.
49. I will not ask Switzerland ‘Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?’.
50. When someone calls my name I will not respond with ‘FUCK YEAH!’.
Signed:
Alfred F. Jones.
United States of America.
My list of things America is not allowed to do at world meetings. Mostly USUK-ish. I only managed to make it up to 50 orz
50 things Alfred F. Jones is no longer allowed to do at world meetings.
1. I am not, and never have been, Superman and will stop referring to myself as such.
2. Therefore I will also stop screaming ‘Kryptonite!’ and running out of the room whenever England brings scones to meetings.
3. Making fart noises whenever a speaker sits is neither intelligent nor entertaining.
4. I will not tie-dye Italy’s white flag.
5. England is not my ‘Damsel in Distress’.
6. Nor is he a Pretty Fairy Princess.
7. The Beatles did not actually originate in Springfield and I should stop insinuating as such.
8. I will not mention the English pudding ‘Spotted Dick’
9. Especially not around France.
10. The Queen of England is not secretly a punk raver.
11. Singing ‘Blame Canada’ is not a suitable answer to problems in meetings.
12. Adding ‘desu ~’ to the end of every sentence does not mean I can speak Japanese.
13. I will not ask China to ‘wok this way’.
14. I will not ask Romano if he likes Spain’s nice bananas.
15. The Allies theme song during the war was not ‘Go, go Power Rangers!’.
16. Nor was Team Rocket’s theme the Axis Powers’.
17. I will stop suggesting the former Allies form a boy band.
18. I will not present my speeches through the medium of rap.
19. I will not accept advice on my love life with England from Hungary.
20. And especially not from France.
21. England is not secretly The Stig and I will stop addressing him as such.
22. I will not incorporate The Fresh Prince rap into my speeches.
23. I will not carve potatoes out of soap and leave them on Germany’s desk.
24. I will stop asking Mattie to sing the Lumberjack song from Monty Python.
25. Mattie has never been, nor ever will be, known as ‘Canadia’.
26. I will not bribe Estonia into printing out the notes for meetings completely in ‘1337’.
27. I will not ask Scotland what is under his kilt.
28. Ireland does not appreciate being called a leprechaun.
29. Nor my asking where he hides his pot of gold.
30. It is not polite to refer to Wales as ‘just a part of England’.
31. I will not try and debate the proper way to ride a kangaroo with Australia (even though you obviously ride from the pouch).
32. Shouting ‘All hands on deck!’ and grabbing England’s ass is only appropriate in the privacy of the bedroom.
33. I will not inform Italy that the production of pasta has been made illegal to see if he cries.
34. I am not allowed to make comments on unicorns and England’s virginity.
35. I will not refer to Canada as ‘America lite’.
36. China will not ‘love me long time’.
37. Sweden’s national anthem was neither written nor performed by Abba.
38. I will not teach Belarus how to use a lasso to catch Russia.
39. Stuffing balloons down the front of my shirt and impersonating Ukraine with sound effects is not amusing.
40. I will not follow Korea around as he gropes people and shout ‘All your breasts are belong to us!’ before running away.
41. I will not ask Germany if he likes Italy to dress up like a dog in the bedroom.
42. I will not ask Italy the same question.
43. When discussing a solution to global warming, deforestation or pollution, I will not sing the Captain Planet theme song and appoint elements to each of the former Allies.
44. I will not make bets with France on the colour of England’s underwear that day.
45. Or if he is wearing any at all.
46. Especially since I always know.
47. I am not allowed to suggestively say ‘That’s not what you said last night’ in response to phrases such as ‘Please stop’ from England.
48. ‘Gobble, gobble?’ is not the correct way to greet Turkey.
49. I will not ask Switzerland ‘Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?’.
50. When someone calls my name I will not respond with ‘FUCK YEAH!’.
Signed:
Alfred F. Jones.
United States of America.