(no subject)
I got this in an e-mail I though I share it wiht you here, intead of going through the work of e-mailing it.
>>The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in
>>Sunday school quizzes by children in 5th and 6th grade in Ohio.
>>
>>
>>Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all
>>wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the
>>Sarah
>>is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
>>bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
>>Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada
>>but
>>the
>>commandos made it.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a
>>actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he
>>was sort of busy too.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
>>have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people
>>advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which
>>is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic
>>decline.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits,
>>and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on tv now.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
>>of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
>>Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus."
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for
>>reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have
>>problems.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a success.
>>When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and
>>that
>>was the end of the fighting for a long while.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
>>removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
>>circulation of blood.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
>>and started smoking.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was
>>very dangerous to all his men.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
>>born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
>>money
>>and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
>>hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
>>Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
>>Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
>>Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
>>Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing
>>two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself
>>cannot
>>stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still
>>dead.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
>>died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
>>own
>>hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
>>Proclamation.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot
>>in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe
>>the
>>assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
>>Booth's career.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
>>number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he
>>kept
>>up
>>in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous
>>composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half
>>Italian, and half English. He was very large.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he
>>wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long
>>walks
>>in
>>the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in
>>1827 and later died for this.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
>>inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
>>machine.
>>The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
>>hundred men.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It
>>was very long people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was
>>really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without
>>watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she
>>did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to
>>find
>>radios because they were already taken.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the
>>movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family
>>had to
>>have a job, I guess.
>>The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in
>>Sunday school quizzes by children in 5th and 6th grade in Ohio.
>>
>>
>>Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all
>>wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the
>>Sarah
>>is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
>>bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
>>Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada
>>but
>>the
>>commandos made it.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a
>>actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he
>>was sort of busy too.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
>>have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people
>>advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which
>>is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic
>>decline.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits,
>>and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on tv now.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
>>of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
>>Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus."
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for
>>reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have
>>problems.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a success.
>>When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and
>>that
>>was the end of the fighting for a long while.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
>>removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
>>circulation of blood.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
>>and started smoking.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was
>>very dangerous to all his men.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
>>born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
>>money
>>and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
>>hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
>>Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
>>Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
>>Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
>>Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing
>>two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself
>>cannot
>>stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still
>>dead.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
>>died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
>>own
>>hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
>>Proclamation.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot
>>in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe
>>the
>>assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
>>Booth's career.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
>>number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he
>>kept
>>up
>>in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous
>>composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half
>>Italian, and half English. He was very large.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he
>>wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long
>>walks
>>in
>>the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in
>>1827 and later died for this.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
>>inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
>>machine.
>>The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
>>hundred men.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It
>>was very long people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was
>>really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without
>>watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she
>>did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to
>>find
>>radios because they were already taken.
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the
>>movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family
>>had to
>>have a job, I guess.