Bwak bwak bwak!!

[mo_chan]

Well, I chickened out today. I was suppossed to go to Anthony's graduation party, but when he called and asked if I could get a ride there because he didn't have the truck, I made up a story about my people being out and not coming back for awhile. He offered to ask his parents if he could use their car, but I told him not to bother. He sounded really, REALLY disappointed. But not in that I couldn't come, but that I *wouldn't.* And to tell the truth, I feel guilty. It wouldn't have been that big a deal to have Grandma drive me, and his parents would have let him use their car for such a quick trip, but I just..... don't like his family. It's not even a dislike so much as they make me uncomfortable. No. What it actually is is that I'm scared of them. Just the thought of seeing them makes me want to cry. It's a stupid irrational fear, but it's there.
His mom is just so mean from what he's told me, and his dad is scary on his own. His grandparents are nice, but his grandfather is so...well, "rude" is kind of harsh. More like intrusive. I don't like the feeling of being scrutinized and held up to some ideal and feeling like I fall short. I know I'm not being fair, and if I gave them a chance they'd probably like me a lot, but I just don't want to go through the awkward stages of meeting and talking and all that. Last time I hardly said a word and they probably thought I was stuck-up or something. Plus I can't speak Spanish. Or dance. And I don't have a huge love for Spanish food. God, I feel like a failure all over again.
I'll be so glad when I leave.