you can't buy my love
would i give up all the materialistic things in my life just to have my mother sit down willingly and talk to me?
in all honesty yes.
of course having all the clothes, makeup, electronics is great and i never complain about having all of it. but at the end of the day can i actually sit down and talk to these things about how i feel? ask them for advice and can they ever make me feel better emotionally? no.
its one thing to love your child by buying them all the things in the world, but its another thing to actually have your child FEEL loved.
its not like my moms physically incapable of loving someone. shes really good at loving her boyfriend/husband/whatever the fuck he is.
shes really good at talking to him 24 hours of the day but when i ask her to talk for 10 minutes she can't even fully concentrate.
if there's one thing in my life i hope for,
its that i never turn out to be like her.
but the sad thing is as i grow up i see similar qualities between us that i wish i could defeat.
dependency on MEN, being stubborn, being overly sensitive, overreacting to the world...feeling sorry for myself 24-7; as i am doing right now.
and before there's judgements
i understand some people don't even have mothers and there are mother problems a billion times worse than mine.
but nobody can take away how i feel. and if im going to be honest, i really feel like i dont have a mother.
shes never home and when she is shes just on the phone talking to whatshisface.
shes a true stranger to me. i really know nothing about her. 90% of the things she says are lies anyways so what is there to really know?
i lost respect for her when she was with someone that was married. i just cant imagine how somebody could be so selfish and to say that its my mother who would do such a thing? its like a stab to the heart.
and yes she has gone through a lot in her life but you know what? I went through it too.
ever since i was little she ALWAYS ran away from her problems and maybe to her im a problem that she needs to run away from. who knows?
i just really need to learn how to stop caring, how to stop trying with someone that's not worth your time.
its harsh but she has had the chance to step up to the plate. we've had a million and one fights about where we are as mother and daughter and what i want from her but she still continues to let things just be the way they are.
that's her choice.
now, its time to make my own.
fuck you.
in all honesty yes.
of course having all the clothes, makeup, electronics is great and i never complain about having all of it. but at the end of the day can i actually sit down and talk to these things about how i feel? ask them for advice and can they ever make me feel better emotionally? no.
its one thing to love your child by buying them all the things in the world, but its another thing to actually have your child FEEL loved.
its not like my moms physically incapable of loving someone. shes really good at loving her boyfriend/husband/whatever the fuck he is.
shes really good at talking to him 24 hours of the day but when i ask her to talk for 10 minutes she can't even fully concentrate.
if there's one thing in my life i hope for,
its that i never turn out to be like her.
but the sad thing is as i grow up i see similar qualities between us that i wish i could defeat.
dependency on MEN, being stubborn, being overly sensitive, overreacting to the world...feeling sorry for myself 24-7; as i am doing right now.
and before there's judgements
i understand some people don't even have mothers and there are mother problems a billion times worse than mine.
but nobody can take away how i feel. and if im going to be honest, i really feel like i dont have a mother.
shes never home and when she is shes just on the phone talking to whatshisface.
shes a true stranger to me. i really know nothing about her. 90% of the things she says are lies anyways so what is there to really know?
i lost respect for her when she was with someone that was married. i just cant imagine how somebody could be so selfish and to say that its my mother who would do such a thing? its like a stab to the heart.
and yes she has gone through a lot in her life but you know what? I went through it too.
ever since i was little she ALWAYS ran away from her problems and maybe to her im a problem that she needs to run away from. who knows?
i just really need to learn how to stop caring, how to stop trying with someone that's not worth your time.
its harsh but she has had the chance to step up to the plate. we've had a million and one fights about where we are as mother and daughter and what i want from her but she still continues to let things just be the way they are.
that's her choice.
now, its time to make my own.
fuck you.