el rompimiento
I don´t think I will ever date someone again who doesnt speak english.
Pedro came over tonight, leaned on his car parked in front of my building and apologized for the things he said. The way he freaked out when he found out that I had been hanging around an Italian boy when I was out last week (Pedro is not my boyfriend.) He said he "just can´t help himself
sometimes" and that maybe he DID, in fact, act a little immature. I thought I was ready to see him, spit in his face and tell him that I never wanted to see him again. What happened though when I saw him? My heart started racing and I almost threw up. I tried to tell him off or even tell him anything but I choked on my words and ended up saying nothing, except that he has made the past 3 months shitty for me and that I didn´t want to give him the time of day to explain himself but I deided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Then I froze and couldn´t tell him what I shouldn´t tell him anyway. He said "you don´t have anything else to say?" and I shook my head. He said "vale. suerte." which means "okay. good luck." and I turned around without looking back and walked directly into my house. And now I feel kind of numb. I don´t know if I miss him or if I miss the IDEA of him, if suddenly this shield that was always there the whole time I´ve been in Spain is suddenly missing, especially at a moment when I honestly feel more alone here than I ever have in my life. But I cannot allow him to continue treating me like that, though.... first there was the way he acted the week I got here, then what happened when I moved out of his house abruptly at the beginning of October, now this.... and he has apologized profusely every time, said he was sorry that he couldn´t hold his temper. But the shitty thing is that I need to learn how to swallow how much I cared about him and how important he was in my life and finally, FINALLY try to move on.
it makes me think about how it has been three and a half years since I began my relationship with Kenny. Since then it has been all casual, fake bullshit for the most part, and even though I don´t technically want a boyfriend, it would be nice to just finally meet someone I can communicate with. Which I guess I´m doing a bad job considering the fact that I´m over here. Oh well, here´s to waiting until I get back to the US.... :(
Pedro came over tonight, leaned on his car parked in front of my building and apologized for the things he said. The way he freaked out when he found out that I had been hanging around an Italian boy when I was out last week (Pedro is not my boyfriend.) He said he "just can´t help himself
sometimes" and that maybe he DID, in fact, act a little immature. I thought I was ready to see him, spit in his face and tell him that I never wanted to see him again. What happened though when I saw him? My heart started racing and I almost threw up. I tried to tell him off or even tell him anything but I choked on my words and ended up saying nothing, except that he has made the past 3 months shitty for me and that I didn´t want to give him the time of day to explain himself but I deided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Then I froze and couldn´t tell him what I shouldn´t tell him anyway. He said "you don´t have anything else to say?" and I shook my head. He said "vale. suerte." which means "okay. good luck." and I turned around without looking back and walked directly into my house. And now I feel kind of numb. I don´t know if I miss him or if I miss the IDEA of him, if suddenly this shield that was always there the whole time I´ve been in Spain is suddenly missing, especially at a moment when I honestly feel more alone here than I ever have in my life. But I cannot allow him to continue treating me like that, though.... first there was the way he acted the week I got here, then what happened when I moved out of his house abruptly at the beginning of October, now this.... and he has apologized profusely every time, said he was sorry that he couldn´t hold his temper. But the shitty thing is that I need to learn how to swallow how much I cared about him and how important he was in my life and finally, FINALLY try to move on.
it makes me think about how it has been three and a half years since I began my relationship with Kenny. Since then it has been all casual, fake bullshit for the most part, and even though I don´t technically want a boyfriend, it would be nice to just finally meet someone I can communicate with. Which I guess I´m doing a bad job considering the fact that I´m over here. Oh well, here´s to waiting until I get back to the US.... :(