After Tonight
After Anna told me she spoke to Ashley I just had to read what she wrote. And after reading it I was glad to know it was addressed to me. Something she does consitantly but never admits. Everytime Ashley writes in LJ I know I need to read it. She only got the stupid account because I made her get one in the first place. And to answer some questions... yeah Ashley was my first. My many first actually and that will forever be with me. But the way I see it is I had to grow up eventually. Something that Ashley knows she needs to do. I've done alot of growing up in the past few months. I had to think suicide for a while but I eventually got to this point of my life to call it growth. Anna is what is at the end of my rainbow. Some unimaignable prize just waiting for me. And that is what she had to do with me. Wait till I got immaturity out of my system. And I did. Thank god.
Everything... and I mean everything has a new light to them. Meaning means so much. Don't get me wrong, I've said it once I'll say it again, I'm not completly better but I know I'm on the right track and I'll admit it again, Anna had alot to do with it. I'm not ashamed to admit that I rely on her. I don't really want to so I'm making it a challenge to stand on my own two feet and that is why I'm not following Anna to Kingsville. I'm staying behind knowing that we will have the future I dream about and be able to stand strong on my own.
Lately... the past week or so, I've been keeping myself very busy. Not only am I working weekends at the cafeteria, activly involved in the ASL club, which on Friday for the Carnival Pumkin will be a part of a choir preforming the Monster Mash in sign language, but I'm also launching this campaine for the Gamma Lamba Beta, the gay club on campus, a campaine for the gay community as a whole of the valley. I know that people in the club are syked that I'm so interested in making a difference but, the thought of making such a dramatic thing about it has made a difference in me as well. After I found out that Anna spoke to Ashley I wasn't mad, I wasn't upset, I was touched that someone was lending a hand to someone in need. I really wanted to cry out of overwelmness. This is what I want out of the gay community. I want people helping people and untilmitly each other. The problem is that the gay community of the valley is only focused on getting drunk and getting laid. Believe me that is what it is. No one wants to fight because they think It's a battle we will not win. *sigh* How wrong are they.
Busy... what my middle name should be.
My birthday is tomorrow and I still can't get over the fact that I'm turning 20. A whole decade has past and as I look back at these past ten years I don't even remember half of it. So much as happened. And the way I see it so much is gonna happen. I just don't have a clue if it's something I want to see or not. But what I do know is that I can't wait to start a life with the woman I love. Ashley is right I can't let go of her. She's too precious. I know that and that is tattooed to my skin... actually it's behind my neck. I tattooed an L ment for Lisa... Anna's middle name to remind me of what a woman I have. So don't worry Ash I don't plan to let that go. And Anna you know how much I love you. I can't wait to be your wife. To cook for you, to do our laundry and to have our date nights, like we do now. I know we have to keep our relationship on the down low because of people who don't understand but I want you to know that I don't mind it one bit if it means still having you.
As far as everything else I'll wait to post any new stuff that comes to mind. This entry as already been way too long. I have to let people get some sleep. Goodnight everyone.
Everything... and I mean everything has a new light to them. Meaning means so much. Don't get me wrong, I've said it once I'll say it again, I'm not completly better but I know I'm on the right track and I'll admit it again, Anna had alot to do with it. I'm not ashamed to admit that I rely on her. I don't really want to so I'm making it a challenge to stand on my own two feet and that is why I'm not following Anna to Kingsville. I'm staying behind knowing that we will have the future I dream about and be able to stand strong on my own.
Lately... the past week or so, I've been keeping myself very busy. Not only am I working weekends at the cafeteria, activly involved in the ASL club, which on Friday for the Carnival Pumkin will be a part of a choir preforming the Monster Mash in sign language, but I'm also launching this campaine for the Gamma Lamba Beta, the gay club on campus, a campaine for the gay community as a whole of the valley. I know that people in the club are syked that I'm so interested in making a difference but, the thought of making such a dramatic thing about it has made a difference in me as well. After I found out that Anna spoke to Ashley I wasn't mad, I wasn't upset, I was touched that someone was lending a hand to someone in need. I really wanted to cry out of overwelmness. This is what I want out of the gay community. I want people helping people and untilmitly each other. The problem is that the gay community of the valley is only focused on getting drunk and getting laid. Believe me that is what it is. No one wants to fight because they think It's a battle we will not win. *sigh* How wrong are they.
Busy... what my middle name should be.
My birthday is tomorrow and I still can't get over the fact that I'm turning 20. A whole decade has past and as I look back at these past ten years I don't even remember half of it. So much as happened. And the way I see it so much is gonna happen. I just don't have a clue if it's something I want to see or not. But what I do know is that I can't wait to start a life with the woman I love. Ashley is right I can't let go of her. She's too precious. I know that and that is tattooed to my skin... actually it's behind my neck. I tattooed an L ment for Lisa... Anna's middle name to remind me of what a woman I have. So don't worry Ash I don't plan to let that go. And Anna you know how much I love you. I can't wait to be your wife. To cook for you, to do our laundry and to have our date nights, like we do now. I know we have to keep our relationship on the down low because of people who don't understand but I want you to know that I don't mind it one bit if it means still having you.
As far as everything else I'll wait to post any new stuff that comes to mind. This entry as already been way too long. I have to let people get some sleep. Goodnight everyone.