New Awakening
Starting early this week I started to feel different. This new wave in me came from no where. I hate to say that Anna had to do with it. But I really don't know the truth at this point. Yeah I was feeling depressed and achy, the world seemed to be dark and I was walking in no direction but the honest truth is that even after talking to her and even after the words I love you too come out of her I still felt drained. I felt sick and tired. I have to say that her love lifted me up from the ditch I was in but I didn't recover from my depression just like that. In the past couple of weeks I started to work, I started to focus on my studies and I grown up in my families issues and just learned to take it all in. I know it's easy now to say this because I have positiveness around me now. But the truth is that I made this positiveness happen. I worked hard to be amongst this... this whatever it is.
I started to socialize and meet new people. I decided that I wanted to be involved on campus and make something of a difference, not just in my life but in others'. So I went to an Ally training meeting for the support of the gay community on campus. I learned that is program is set to help and support the gay community in any way they can. We learned about discrimination, homophobia, coming out, and the hardship the gay community endures everyday. To open things up in the meeting there were three speakers. These people spoke about their life changes in the gay community, how they came out, who they are and what they learned about themselves. First it was Becky a Program Cordinator for Campus life. I've seen her around campus and learned that she is a bisexual and is married to a man and has a three year old little girl. She is proud to be a bisexual and that marrying a man had no influence or any of the sort of who she really is and what she's all about. The second speaker was a senior named James who I knew from La Joya. He spoke about finding out he was gay. He told us his story of coming out. He was shunned from his family, and mainly from his father something that hurts him even to this day. His story made me cry. I was touched to know that I'm not the only one that has a horror story as to coming out. However, the third speaker who by the end of her speech was too emotional to finish. Her story was even more horrible. She suffered from depression, suicidal thoughts, and hospitalization. Something that touched close to home for me. This meeting was a life viewing situation. I took a step back and looked really closely at the mirror and asked myself why.
I can over come this. I kept telling myself that I don't want to lose this battle of struggle. I don't want to lose everything I worked so hard to have in my possesion. Like my education, my knowledge, my family and ultimtaly the love of my life. I worked so hard, I tried so hard to get it back to lose something so precious.
Now that I'm looking at things with a new light. With new perspectives I'm confident that I'll be okay. Not to mention that I have a pair of arms that would hold me if I start to shake again. I'm not alone or at least I don't feel alone anymore. I can safely say that I feel loved from Anna, my mother, my siblings, my friends and my family members that still care. I'm blessed. I know that now.
As Melissa Etheridge has said "I'm sending out a message to myself, so that when I hear it in the radio, I'll know that I am fine and that I am loved."
I started to socialize and meet new people. I decided that I wanted to be involved on campus and make something of a difference, not just in my life but in others'. So I went to an Ally training meeting for the support of the gay community on campus. I learned that is program is set to help and support the gay community in any way they can. We learned about discrimination, homophobia, coming out, and the hardship the gay community endures everyday. To open things up in the meeting there were three speakers. These people spoke about their life changes in the gay community, how they came out, who they are and what they learned about themselves. First it was Becky a Program Cordinator for Campus life. I've seen her around campus and learned that she is a bisexual and is married to a man and has a three year old little girl. She is proud to be a bisexual and that marrying a man had no influence or any of the sort of who she really is and what she's all about. The second speaker was a senior named James who I knew from La Joya. He spoke about finding out he was gay. He told us his story of coming out. He was shunned from his family, and mainly from his father something that hurts him even to this day. His story made me cry. I was touched to know that I'm not the only one that has a horror story as to coming out. However, the third speaker who by the end of her speech was too emotional to finish. Her story was even more horrible. She suffered from depression, suicidal thoughts, and hospitalization. Something that touched close to home for me. This meeting was a life viewing situation. I took a step back and looked really closely at the mirror and asked myself why.
I can over come this. I kept telling myself that I don't want to lose this battle of struggle. I don't want to lose everything I worked so hard to have in my possesion. Like my education, my knowledge, my family and ultimtaly the love of my life. I worked so hard, I tried so hard to get it back to lose something so precious.
Now that I'm looking at things with a new light. With new perspectives I'm confident that I'll be okay. Not to mention that I have a pair of arms that would hold me if I start to shake again. I'm not alone or at least I don't feel alone anymore. I can safely say that I feel loved from Anna, my mother, my siblings, my friends and my family members that still care. I'm blessed. I know that now.
As Melissa Etheridge has said "I'm sending out a message to myself, so that when I hear it in the radio, I'll know that I am fine and that I am loved."