The Long Road Home

May 18, 2009 10:50

As one cloud passes, another one blots out the sun, for a moment.

Dance is good medicine. Last night, out at early 80s night, I danced on the same floor where that sweet photo of us was taken years ago, watching the new faces dance to the same old songs, feeling my body move in familiar patterns to familiar rhythms. It's grounding, all this.

The subtleties: the tall, thin man in the same shirt S wore to the 80s prom themed New Years party in 2005. The sensation of being loved by the night, by the music, by the stars and the somewhere distant sea. There is love all around.

I am searching for his letters, from out my many suitcases of correspondences past.

Always the same sensation, of having been so thoroughly loved in my life. I am in awe of it. Of how much people have shared and received from me.

It gives solace to know that all this love is still there, moldering in boxes and trunks and cases, waiting to smile at me again. This is a joy and a blessing.

I can't cry anymore, I have my own life to fill up with the business of living. I have work to do.

Yes, there is a therapist involved in my processing of all this past. Yes, there are silver linings to the cloud. Yes, I accept life, and am happy to be invited to the party.

Thanks for being here, despite my gloom and agita. I am grateful for every connection.
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