late night ramblings after a 12 1/2 hour overnight shift
Couldn't sleep so I figured I'd try writing something here, since i haven't written anything in a long time.
School
This semester has gone by wicked fast, I can't believe it is already Nov. 1. At the same time this semester has easily been the most difficult so far. All my classes just haven't kept my interest the way i thought they would. I don't really even seem to care either. I've just kind of accepted that this semester has not been a good one as far as classes/professors go, so I really just can't wait for it to be over. Although I still have a ton of work to do between now and the end of the semester. I get the feeling like my GPA is going to take a massive hit, which isn't entirely bad because it current;y sits at 3.72 and I only have to maintain a 3.2. But still i would really like to maintain it where it is. Also now that Andrew and Bryan have graduated I really don't spend nearly as much time as I used to on campus. Now i just go to class and go home, and maybe go print something at the library every once in a while. I guess its not all bad, but it could definitely be better.
Work
Being a supervisor has been pretty crazy, I mean its nothing I can't handle, but seriously beginning as a supervisor right as we are making the change to basically an all new staff totally sucks. I feel like I work with a bunch of idiots sometimes, but there have been a few bright spots. I also don't like the fact that i've been working friday & saturday 3-10 sun. 9-3, my weekends are now completely owned by CVS just like they were back in high school. I mean granted it's not like i really do anything on the weekends, but still it sucks not having the option. I mean, Melissa has said that if I felt like they were giving me too many hours to say something, that it would be a big deal, but at the same time I know that I would never say that it was too much. I give that store everything I have, often time to the detriment of the rest of my life. I feel like I miss out on so much working there, like when I went to UMass a couple weeks ago. That was the first time I had gone to UMass in the 3 years dave has been there and I only was there for like 12 hours and then i came home. I wish I could just go spend a weekend there, actually have some fun.
Social Life
Yea this pretty much doesn't exist, its basically school monday-friday, work friday-sunday, all my free time is either spent sleeping or sitting on the couch in the apartment either doing homework or watching tv. The only people I really see outside of the classroom are my brother, bill, and the people i work with, even when i come home I barely see any one in my family outside of my dad who comes and picks me up when i come home. Also I'm not really the person to go out of my way to go out and "find" new friends, so I can't really complain that I don't really hang out with anyone that much, because its my own fault.
General Observations
I've come to realize that facebook has become the least productive/biggest chore of all the things i do on my computer. Yet without fail its always the first or second site i got to when i go on my computer. I mean honestly all it does is giving me updates about all kinds of people using dumb applications and nothing really important is ever communicated through facebook. Everyone I actually talk to, I don't really interact with on facebook, and everyone i don't talk to I dont interact with on facebook. So the question is, why the hell do i really care about it. It's like this useless thing that i know i don't really use or need and yet I don't want to throw it away, because what if i actually need it at some point or then i'd have to deal with all kinds of people asking me what happened? why'd i get rid of my facebook? so really its not worth the hassle of getting rid of it.
I don't think I will ever understand Mark and Melissa's relationship. I just won't, sometimes i think that they are both dating totally different people, its like sometimes the stories I hear from them are about two different couples. Now i can understand that sometimes they have different impressions of what is going on, but really? Idk i prefer to stay out of it whenever possible, all i know is that right now things are "good" between them and that's the way i'd like to keep it.
Mark is quitting his job at CVS in Millis, which I understand, but at the same time I don't. I mean sometimes i wonder what it is he plans on doing, cuz his plan seems to change constantly. Mark had told me he was leaving and I mean i was fine with it, but then Abe talked to me about it and he brought up how he didn't get what it is that he was doing. Like he understood things weren't working out in Millis the way Mark had hoped, but Abe had told him that if he wanted he'd be welcome to come back and work in our store, and he doesn't understand why Mark wouldn't want to do that. At this point I kinda wish I could really just talk straight with Abe about what is going on, cuz I feel like if I could be totally up front with him about what i think is going through Mark's mind it would be easier. but instead i have to just play dumb and idk it just bothers me because Abe has become more than just my store manager and I wish i could be more honest with him about what is going on. However I understand that it's not my place to tell him about the situation, even though i think it would be beneficial if Abe knew everything.
I've been getting caught up in the past a lot recently. I don't know what it is, whether its the because this time of year has a lot of milestones in it so it makes me think about this time last year and so on. It's just weird to think that yet another year has gone by and I still don't feel like I've really made any progress towards anything. I mean I should feel pretty good right now, I'm almost halfway through my 3rd year of college, I've become a supervisor at work, yet nothing. It's funny actually because when i got home tonight Jerry Maguire was on and it happens to be one of my favorite movies, because a long time a go, back when this movie came out that's who i wanted to be, in a way it still is who i want to be. I always wanted to be Jerry Maguire, in the sense that I wanted/still would love to be a sports agent. Sports is my true passion and since i was young (which sounds funny because its not like i am old) i knew I wasn't the best athlete, so i always thought, "wouldn't it be so cool to be able to work in sports, i knew i could never be a player, but to even be able to be associated with sports that was my dream. But anyway a line which i've never really noticed before really stuck out to me. It is during one of the cut scenes with Dicky Fox, jerry's idol as far as sports agents go, Dicky says "if this is empty (he points to his heart) this (points to his head) doesn't matter" Idk maybe its the fact that i am so tired, but that just seems to be so true. I mean really that is what happiness is all about, following your heart, being passionate about something and someone, and if your heart isn't in it then nothing really matters.
School
This semester has gone by wicked fast, I can't believe it is already Nov. 1. At the same time this semester has easily been the most difficult so far. All my classes just haven't kept my interest the way i thought they would. I don't really even seem to care either. I've just kind of accepted that this semester has not been a good one as far as classes/professors go, so I really just can't wait for it to be over. Although I still have a ton of work to do between now and the end of the semester. I get the feeling like my GPA is going to take a massive hit, which isn't entirely bad because it current;y sits at 3.72 and I only have to maintain a 3.2. But still i would really like to maintain it where it is. Also now that Andrew and Bryan have graduated I really don't spend nearly as much time as I used to on campus. Now i just go to class and go home, and maybe go print something at the library every once in a while. I guess its not all bad, but it could definitely be better.
Work
Being a supervisor has been pretty crazy, I mean its nothing I can't handle, but seriously beginning as a supervisor right as we are making the change to basically an all new staff totally sucks. I feel like I work with a bunch of idiots sometimes, but there have been a few bright spots. I also don't like the fact that i've been working friday & saturday 3-10 sun. 9-3, my weekends are now completely owned by CVS just like they were back in high school. I mean granted it's not like i really do anything on the weekends, but still it sucks not having the option. I mean, Melissa has said that if I felt like they were giving me too many hours to say something, that it would be a big deal, but at the same time I know that I would never say that it was too much. I give that store everything I have, often time to the detriment of the rest of my life. I feel like I miss out on so much working there, like when I went to UMass a couple weeks ago. That was the first time I had gone to UMass in the 3 years dave has been there and I only was there for like 12 hours and then i came home. I wish I could just go spend a weekend there, actually have some fun.
Social Life
Yea this pretty much doesn't exist, its basically school monday-friday, work friday-sunday, all my free time is either spent sleeping or sitting on the couch in the apartment either doing homework or watching tv. The only people I really see outside of the classroom are my brother, bill, and the people i work with, even when i come home I barely see any one in my family outside of my dad who comes and picks me up when i come home. Also I'm not really the person to go out of my way to go out and "find" new friends, so I can't really complain that I don't really hang out with anyone that much, because its my own fault.
General Observations
I've come to realize that facebook has become the least productive/biggest chore of all the things i do on my computer. Yet without fail its always the first or second site i got to when i go on my computer. I mean honestly all it does is giving me updates about all kinds of people using dumb applications and nothing really important is ever communicated through facebook. Everyone I actually talk to, I don't really interact with on facebook, and everyone i don't talk to I dont interact with on facebook. So the question is, why the hell do i really care about it. It's like this useless thing that i know i don't really use or need and yet I don't want to throw it away, because what if i actually need it at some point or then i'd have to deal with all kinds of people asking me what happened? why'd i get rid of my facebook? so really its not worth the hassle of getting rid of it.
I don't think I will ever understand Mark and Melissa's relationship. I just won't, sometimes i think that they are both dating totally different people, its like sometimes the stories I hear from them are about two different couples. Now i can understand that sometimes they have different impressions of what is going on, but really? Idk i prefer to stay out of it whenever possible, all i know is that right now things are "good" between them and that's the way i'd like to keep it.
Mark is quitting his job at CVS in Millis, which I understand, but at the same time I don't. I mean sometimes i wonder what it is he plans on doing, cuz his plan seems to change constantly. Mark had told me he was leaving and I mean i was fine with it, but then Abe talked to me about it and he brought up how he didn't get what it is that he was doing. Like he understood things weren't working out in Millis the way Mark had hoped, but Abe had told him that if he wanted he'd be welcome to come back and work in our store, and he doesn't understand why Mark wouldn't want to do that. At this point I kinda wish I could really just talk straight with Abe about what is going on, cuz I feel like if I could be totally up front with him about what i think is going through Mark's mind it would be easier. but instead i have to just play dumb and idk it just bothers me because Abe has become more than just my store manager and I wish i could be more honest with him about what is going on. However I understand that it's not my place to tell him about the situation, even though i think it would be beneficial if Abe knew everything.
I've been getting caught up in the past a lot recently. I don't know what it is, whether its the because this time of year has a lot of milestones in it so it makes me think about this time last year and so on. It's just weird to think that yet another year has gone by and I still don't feel like I've really made any progress towards anything. I mean I should feel pretty good right now, I'm almost halfway through my 3rd year of college, I've become a supervisor at work, yet nothing. It's funny actually because when i got home tonight Jerry Maguire was on and it happens to be one of my favorite movies, because a long time a go, back when this movie came out that's who i wanted to be, in a way it still is who i want to be. I always wanted to be Jerry Maguire, in the sense that I wanted/still would love to be a sports agent. Sports is my true passion and since i was young (which sounds funny because its not like i am old) i knew I wasn't the best athlete, so i always thought, "wouldn't it be so cool to be able to work in sports, i knew i could never be a player, but to even be able to be associated with sports that was my dream. But anyway a line which i've never really noticed before really stuck out to me. It is during one of the cut scenes with Dicky Fox, jerry's idol as far as sports agents go, Dicky says "if this is empty (he points to his heart) this (points to his head) doesn't matter" Idk maybe its the fact that i am so tired, but that just seems to be so true. I mean really that is what happiness is all about, following your heart, being passionate about something and someone, and if your heart isn't in it then nothing really matters.