I miss you, R.D.

[mlle_nn]

so, I gave R.D. the gift, eventually. He liked it. I was happy for that.

Later we had a little conversation.. I could tell him that I would really miss him when he leaves next year.

So.. how is it going between R.D. and me? 
Well.. I believe that we're going to be okay eventually, but for now.. he's being the old cold R.D. again.. 
barely talking to me.. barely seeing me.. 
You know.. he's just being him.. like nothing's going on.. but that's really the difference between us.. I'm not like him. 
I try to act like there's nothing. I fake it, but I really miss him.

& Not seeing Den makes it really hard for me, because you know, with him on my mind, I didn't have to think about R.D. and it just made me feel 'new' inside, because I met someone new, and you know, someone who doesn't know me, like there was this new story to begin... but.. no. It wasn't meant to be.

I'm so tired of being sad.I'm tired of feeling like I'm too unimportant, too ugly, too stupid, too annoying to be with..

I remember myself being happy single. But then R.D. .. Why is it so hard to feel happy again?
When I was happy, I knew it. I took a deep breath and thought to myself: God, I'm happy and it's a rare feeling for me, so I'm going to cherish it.
But.. gone. Snap, and it was gone. & All I could do, was whining about a guy .