at school again
well today im at school again for well.. just today lol. ive been in hospital for close to 25 days now, and i dont really feel much better, though stilnox is fucking fantastic. feel exhausted and on the verge of tears, dont feel like i fit in here. i wish i could say i was looking forward to going home, but to be honest, im petrified. there are times when i dont want to kill myself, but others when i KNOW i am going to. the times when i dont want to die prompt me to hand in silly little things such as the 10 razors and 28 various pills i had stashed around my room. am quite regrettinh that right now.
i hate myself more than ever, am disgusted at current weight and am embarrassed because i'm the fattest person in unit 2. no one can deny that. it took me 2 hours to finish my watermellon today, and forget about water, it's not even happening right now. at least fruit contains some liquid, otherwise i'd be fuckedd and put in the edp (christensen has been threatening for quite a while now, doubt he'll do it. then again he threatened to put me in before and i didnt believe him and now look where i live lol)
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. yay for me. am on ZOLOFT because LUVOX made me too sick. STILNOX should be a GOD!!
today is my 17 months with Kel =) am quite in love with him. and yeh, surprisingly really happy to see ryan. i thought i'd get pissed with his obsession with touching my face, but im not lol. its just nice to have friends sometimes. okay.. my bum is getting REALLY numb where i'm sitting (school library on laptop) and the bitchy woman has just rung the handbell so i have to depart.
yes, i am still alive to those curious.
i hate myself more than ever, am disgusted at current weight and am embarrassed because i'm the fattest person in unit 2. no one can deny that. it took me 2 hours to finish my watermellon today, and forget about water, it's not even happening right now. at least fruit contains some liquid, otherwise i'd be fuckedd and put in the edp (christensen has been threatening for quite a while now, doubt he'll do it. then again he threatened to put me in before and i didnt believe him and now look where i live lol)
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. yay for me. am on ZOLOFT because LUVOX made me too sick. STILNOX should be a GOD!!
today is my 17 months with Kel =) am quite in love with him. and yeh, surprisingly really happy to see ryan. i thought i'd get pissed with his obsession with touching my face, but im not lol. its just nice to have friends sometimes. okay.. my bum is getting REALLY numb where i'm sitting (school library on laptop) and the bitchy woman has just rung the handbell so i have to depart.
yes, i am still alive to those curious.