(no subject)
j. was really pushing me 2 days, telling me to work harder and longer. i appreciated the motivation and the challenge, but in the midst of it i yelled out to him, "you're about to get punched." he laughed, thought it was great and funny, and that was that. when i saw him yesterday, i told him i was really sorry i said that, that i got carried away and it was rude and inappropriate. he said, "hey, i can handle it, i'm glad i got you to that point." and then we had a discussion.
i told him violence wasn't the answer, but he brought up a really good point. he said, "sometimes people just need to get their asses kicked." i said no, thought about it, and said, "ok, one hit." he looked at me really seriously and said, "so, you're telling me that if some guy violated you 50 different ways, you'd want me to just hit him once and walk away? no, i'd beat him to the ground until he couldn't stand it anymore. one hit is when somebody calls your girlfriend a bitch."
i can't say i agree with the last part, but while he was saying the first, i have to admit that i was secretly quite pleased at the thought of him doing physical damage to anybody who messes with me. the reality is that although i've been steadfast and single and loving it, his presence in my life has made me feel that much more secure. he calls me "little one" and takes pretty damn good care of me. and i guess that's kind of a nice change from having to do everything myself.
i've never wanted to believe in violence, but ever since he put it to me that way, i just can't seem to find a reason why not.