Happy 6-6-6 and welcome to...
the first meeting of clutzes anonymous. I would like to start this meeting with my story.
I have an eating disorder. I have major issues getting food and/or utencils into the general area of my mouth. This only occurs in public.
Last week we had a consultant from our sister company in California here all week. We took him out to lunch on Thurday to a nice sit-down steak house. I ordered a salid and of course they bring out this trough size bowl heaping with salid greens, chicken and other salid fixins. I do a little self talk, "Yes, you can do this. Just cut the lettuce and take small bites. Pick the same sized pieces and you will not make a mess". OK, I managed to not end up cramming a hay bale sized fork full into my mouth and tamping all the ends in with a bread stick. But what I did do was show our consultant and my boss that I can make a fork spin into the air and land with an earth shattering clanging noise onto my plate. I still have no clue how I managed to do that. They were both gentlemen and politely ignored my acrabatics with dinner ware.
Today our Purchasing Manager, Sales Dork, my boss and 6 people from a company we were visiting to assess them as potential suppliers were at lunch. The lady who owns the company took us to her husbands Mexican Restaurant. Nice little place, not fancy, a family type place that brought us lots of chips and salsa to the table before we ordered. These are chips that they make daily and lots of red and green salsa. At first I didn't mess with the chips, was too busy trying to figure out what I wanted from the menu. Didn't want to order something that was delivered on 3 heaping plates or something too messy or too small. Gotta be my Capricorn nature that makes me go through all this neurotic planning process when eating with strangers. Anyway, we all ordered and I am sitting near the end of the table with 3 men I have just met. The one across from me is looking at me a lot and kitty corner from me is the lady who owns the company we are visiting. So I start eating these chips and salsa. I'm breaking the chips because they are kinda big. OK, so far so good. Then I have a chip with a glob of salsa on it and I'm aiming for the mouth when the chip decides that it's maximum load capacity has been passed and it breaks. I try for the save with my other hand and it happily bounces onto my shirt before smacking onto the table. At this point I have most of the people at the tables attention. The guy across from me hands me his napkin and I just want to dissapear. I have red salsa slopped onto my bright teal shirt. Oh boy. The lady tells me just go over to the kitchen sink and use the towels and soap. So I get to walk through to the kitchen- which is fully visable from the dining area - and clean up. Now I have 1 large wet spot between my boobs and another a bit lower. Which I get to show off to the whole dining area as I turn from the sink. I head for the safety of the ladies room and discover that they don't have a hand blow dryer, just paper towels. OK, how long can I stay in here before it becomes obvious that I'm missing? I kill a couple of minutes and try to blot the shirt a bit dryer, then just suck it up and go back to the table and try to not make any eye contact till I'm sure I'm done turning red. My "wonderful" boss has to ask me "Are you OK?" when I returned. I just smiled and said "Sure, no problem".
Anyway, when the food arrived I managed to keep a tight grip on my fork so it didn't fly off and stab anyone and actually managed to get the rest of the food into my mouth without any more mishaps. And there is a higher being looking out for me because it was only one plate of food and not under or over sized.
So, if anyone would like to go out to dinner with me, please remember that I should only be given blunt table ware and fitted with a full body bib....
I have an eating disorder. I have major issues getting food and/or utencils into the general area of my mouth. This only occurs in public.
Last week we had a consultant from our sister company in California here all week. We took him out to lunch on Thurday to a nice sit-down steak house. I ordered a salid and of course they bring out this trough size bowl heaping with salid greens, chicken and other salid fixins. I do a little self talk, "Yes, you can do this. Just cut the lettuce and take small bites. Pick the same sized pieces and you will not make a mess". OK, I managed to not end up cramming a hay bale sized fork full into my mouth and tamping all the ends in with a bread stick. But what I did do was show our consultant and my boss that I can make a fork spin into the air and land with an earth shattering clanging noise onto my plate. I still have no clue how I managed to do that. They were both gentlemen and politely ignored my acrabatics with dinner ware.
Today our Purchasing Manager, Sales Dork, my boss and 6 people from a company we were visiting to assess them as potential suppliers were at lunch. The lady who owns the company took us to her husbands Mexican Restaurant. Nice little place, not fancy, a family type place that brought us lots of chips and salsa to the table before we ordered. These are chips that they make daily and lots of red and green salsa. At first I didn't mess with the chips, was too busy trying to figure out what I wanted from the menu. Didn't want to order something that was delivered on 3 heaping plates or something too messy or too small. Gotta be my Capricorn nature that makes me go through all this neurotic planning process when eating with strangers. Anyway, we all ordered and I am sitting near the end of the table with 3 men I have just met. The one across from me is looking at me a lot and kitty corner from me is the lady who owns the company we are visiting. So I start eating these chips and salsa. I'm breaking the chips because they are kinda big. OK, so far so good. Then I have a chip with a glob of salsa on it and I'm aiming for the mouth when the chip decides that it's maximum load capacity has been passed and it breaks. I try for the save with my other hand and it happily bounces onto my shirt before smacking onto the table. At this point I have most of the people at the tables attention. The guy across from me hands me his napkin and I just want to dissapear. I have red salsa slopped onto my bright teal shirt. Oh boy. The lady tells me just go over to the kitchen sink and use the towels and soap. So I get to walk through to the kitchen- which is fully visable from the dining area - and clean up. Now I have 1 large wet spot between my boobs and another a bit lower. Which I get to show off to the whole dining area as I turn from the sink. I head for the safety of the ladies room and discover that they don't have a hand blow dryer, just paper towels. OK, how long can I stay in here before it becomes obvious that I'm missing? I kill a couple of minutes and try to blot the shirt a bit dryer, then just suck it up and go back to the table and try to not make any eye contact till I'm sure I'm done turning red. My "wonderful" boss has to ask me "Are you OK?" when I returned. I just smiled and said "Sure, no problem".
Anyway, when the food arrived I managed to keep a tight grip on my fork so it didn't fly off and stab anyone and actually managed to get the rest of the food into my mouth without any more mishaps. And there is a higher being looking out for me because it was only one plate of food and not under or over sized.
So, if anyone would like to go out to dinner with me, please remember that I should only be given blunt table ware and fitted with a full body bib....