Day 3
ok well it still definitely hurts a llot. Did more crying today than yesterday tho. Talked to a couple people bout this whole thing. Shannon today at breakfast before I almost broke into tears and Dan, James, and Matt. Seems like James it the only one who sorta understands and is trying his best to be of help. He offered to take me out to clear my mind.... NOT a date just so I dont have to think about it for a few hrs. Passed up on it tho cuz ive made lots of stupid mistakes in the past with friends when ive been hurting from guys. But he helped a bit. Dan will always be supportive of elliot which is nice.... guess he does have loyal friends. Mine would just be like oh yea i'll be friends with ur ex behind ur back and be all chummy with him and just figure you drove him away. Thats hypathetical tho never had that happen... yet. Anywhos so thats nice, but then hes like have a great nite when ive been like crying for days straight. I was like I think god made men a stupid gene. Cuz then my friend matt is like well u dont have it all bad, there are people freezing to death and are living on the streets. Yea thats reasonable but im hurting a lot here and just would actually like some nice friendly compassion. JAMES and SHANNON were the ONLY 2 to do that today and I thanked them both. So yea Dan said he was a bit bummed to hear and even a bit depressed. Other than some friends, nobody else knows.
Why havent I told my family? Well you see here this is wehre it gets interesting cuz Elliots parents think this way.... ya kno Plenty of fish in the sea, ur young, have fun all that jazz. Well yea thats how my mom is. Shes not really compassionate about break ups. Shes just say oh its ok ur young. Well she doesnt really understand. When she was younger she started dating my dad at 16 and married him at 21. They're together to this day.... so yea shes not really one to say anything. And then there's Kyle, Oh god not even going there. Just ending it there.
So yea I thought a lot about this whole thing today.... hurt and cried a bit cuz it seemed like he doesnt want to talk or anything. I mean this afternoon he signed on AIM for 15 minutes and didnt even IM me a hi or how you feelin? NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH. It really hurt a lot... started crying and then had to wipe away the tears to go to work. Break i cried more cuz i just feel like im losing him one day at a time. I dont know if he even wants this to work. I mean I text and call all these past 3 days.... Im the one that always gives in cuz I just cant help but wanna hear from him.... hear his kind words or really REALLY corny jokes.... but thats me. Im a sucker i cant do it... that is not talk to him. Gosh that would make everything like 90x more worse than they already are. I mean maybe I do care too much. I love him like crazy. I was even telling James today i feel that he is the right guy for me. I kno it in my head and in my heart. I feel it and know it.... where like the world just stops when you see them and its just you and that other person... and your so happy with how they make you feel and surprised that you have found love again and this time.... forever. Now as for my head well hes the only bf thats gotten along with my whole family... Ive never seen my family fall in love with someone so fast as they did with Elliot. He gets along GREAT with my parents, and siblings oh my god.... i could leave him alone for like 20 minutes and then come back and he be yapping or chillin with them for another hour or so more. He respects me so much and BELIEVES in me, Always knows how to put a smile on my face even when im at the worst of times. I seriously have never felt more in love than with him.... and thats why i cant help but cry.
Got home from work after texting elliot couple times there and called him back on the way home. Reason he called me... he was on his way home from class. How convenient for HIM.... NOW he wants to talk after I've spent countless times thinking of calling him and never doing it cuz if i did.... I felt weak. But we did talk on line and it was a rough start but i think that after 2nite there does seem to be like a glisten of hope here for us. I hope so. I mean we talked about friends... thats why he wants me in school so i can have friends and that he can hang with them and me sometimes. :) We also talked about more adventures and he dont kno this but how im goin to try and be better as a gf and doin more stuff, not being so embarrased at what his parents think, and not even about learning a confusing card game in which i cant remember the name. Hes so bummed not that all his friends are back at school and since he has nite classes. He feels like hes missing out a lot and now that im 21 hes goin to be out of the picture. Which totally isnt true. IF anything I want him to be in the picture.... and lots of pictures and good memeories along the way. Thing that gave me more hope and smile than anything tho is this... he said to me thru this journal he'll know about my true feelings and that and he feels we kno eachother so well. Also he said Elliot: you respect the fact that i have memory loss, cant stay out late or tired, i miss that comfort not sure if any other girls could do that. I almost started crying again. Just was soooo sweet of him to say.
Kinda sad 2morrow is Tuesday, Our day and I wont be able to be in his arms or even lay next to him and cuddle. But we may catch up for lunch or something.... not really sure tho if its a smart idea. But I miss him soooo much ... guess one lunch isnt really goin to do much harm right? Well Im off to bed now to get some much needed rest with a now clear mind. Now my head hurts.... egh this day couldnt get any worse/but maybe it could get better
Why havent I told my family? Well you see here this is wehre it gets interesting cuz Elliots parents think this way.... ya kno Plenty of fish in the sea, ur young, have fun all that jazz. Well yea thats how my mom is. Shes not really compassionate about break ups. Shes just say oh its ok ur young. Well she doesnt really understand. When she was younger she started dating my dad at 16 and married him at 21. They're together to this day.... so yea shes not really one to say anything. And then there's Kyle, Oh god not even going there. Just ending it there.
So yea I thought a lot about this whole thing today.... hurt and cried a bit cuz it seemed like he doesnt want to talk or anything. I mean this afternoon he signed on AIM for 15 minutes and didnt even IM me a hi or how you feelin? NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH. It really hurt a lot... started crying and then had to wipe away the tears to go to work. Break i cried more cuz i just feel like im losing him one day at a time. I dont know if he even wants this to work. I mean I text and call all these past 3 days.... Im the one that always gives in cuz I just cant help but wanna hear from him.... hear his kind words or really REALLY corny jokes.... but thats me. Im a sucker i cant do it... that is not talk to him. Gosh that would make everything like 90x more worse than they already are. I mean maybe I do care too much. I love him like crazy. I was even telling James today i feel that he is the right guy for me. I kno it in my head and in my heart. I feel it and know it.... where like the world just stops when you see them and its just you and that other person... and your so happy with how they make you feel and surprised that you have found love again and this time.... forever. Now as for my head well hes the only bf thats gotten along with my whole family... Ive never seen my family fall in love with someone so fast as they did with Elliot. He gets along GREAT with my parents, and siblings oh my god.... i could leave him alone for like 20 minutes and then come back and he be yapping or chillin with them for another hour or so more. He respects me so much and BELIEVES in me, Always knows how to put a smile on my face even when im at the worst of times. I seriously have never felt more in love than with him.... and thats why i cant help but cry.
Got home from work after texting elliot couple times there and called him back on the way home. Reason he called me... he was on his way home from class. How convenient for HIM.... NOW he wants to talk after I've spent countless times thinking of calling him and never doing it cuz if i did.... I felt weak. But we did talk on line and it was a rough start but i think that after 2nite there does seem to be like a glisten of hope here for us. I hope so. I mean we talked about friends... thats why he wants me in school so i can have friends and that he can hang with them and me sometimes. :) We also talked about more adventures and he dont kno this but how im goin to try and be better as a gf and doin more stuff, not being so embarrased at what his parents think, and not even about learning a confusing card game in which i cant remember the name. Hes so bummed not that all his friends are back at school and since he has nite classes. He feels like hes missing out a lot and now that im 21 hes goin to be out of the picture. Which totally isnt true. IF anything I want him to be in the picture.... and lots of pictures and good memeories along the way. Thing that gave me more hope and smile than anything tho is this... he said to me thru this journal he'll know about my true feelings and that and he feels we kno eachother so well. Also he said Elliot: you respect the fact that i have memory loss, cant stay out late or tired, i miss that comfort not sure if any other girls could do that. I almost started crying again. Just was soooo sweet of him to say.
Kinda sad 2morrow is Tuesday, Our day and I wont be able to be in his arms or even lay next to him and cuddle. But we may catch up for lunch or something.... not really sure tho if its a smart idea. But I miss him soooo much ... guess one lunch isnt really goin to do much harm right? Well Im off to bed now to get some much needed rest with a now clear mind. Now my head hurts.... egh this day couldnt get any worse/but maybe it could get better