Day 1 & 2
Ok So Friday nite we decided to take a month break... Elliot and I. Friday nite in itself sucked royally and i cried myself to sleep. Saturday I couldnt help but think of him all day. Then my friend matt tells me elliot changed his status. Made me even more sad than i already was... knowing that right now im "single" but to some sense dont think i am. Maybe Im in denial about this whole thing really thinking everything can work out. I dunno tho. I just have the sense that if I feel we are goin to break up for good than I should put that in my head, but if I do Im afraid I may lose those feelings I have for him which i dont want to happen. And if I give myself false hope, and feel we will get back together and we dont than its goin to hurt even more. Saturday tho I caved and text him a bit later that nite. Was good to hear from him and hear his voice later when he called. I was already missing him like crazy.
Sunday.... well was a little better. Still very upset did some crying on the way home from work. It just hurts not being able to call him and talk while driving. I talked with Shannon last nite about it all and she hopes we do get back together. To a sense yea I wanna belive it but with the past relationships that ive had... I just dont feel right about it. My stomach is in knots and I've barely eaten since our talk friday nite. Last nite we talked again on the phone. Course I was the one that made the effort to communicate which kinda irritates me, but oh well. We talked he said he loves me but hes not IN LOVE with me. I asked how long hes felt like this and he said a few weeks. Just hurts hearing that being said. He said hes thinking with his head right now and not his heart. He has to think about all this logically. I this all so much. And then hes like well you dont know what you have til you've lost it. And right now I feel like as this break goes on Im losing him more and more. I cant help but cry over all this. My heart aches, and my stomach is in knots.... I already know what Im missing out on and it sux that I cant make him see what he is missing out on.
Sunday.... well was a little better. Still very upset did some crying on the way home from work. It just hurts not being able to call him and talk while driving. I talked with Shannon last nite about it all and she hopes we do get back together. To a sense yea I wanna belive it but with the past relationships that ive had... I just dont feel right about it. My stomach is in knots and I've barely eaten since our talk friday nite. Last nite we talked again on the phone. Course I was the one that made the effort to communicate which kinda irritates me, but oh well. We talked he said he loves me but hes not IN LOVE with me. I asked how long hes felt like this and he said a few weeks. Just hurts hearing that being said. He said hes thinking with his head right now and not his heart. He has to think about all this logically. I this all so much. And then hes like well you dont know what you have til you've lost it. And right now I feel like as this break goes on Im losing him more and more. I cant help but cry over all this. My heart aches, and my stomach is in knots.... I already know what Im missing out on and it sux that I cant make him see what he is missing out on.