one hell of a week

Mar 24, 2006 17:03

I don't know where to begin. The past week or so has consisted of very long nights. You know, those nights you find yourself driving without a purpose just to free your mind. I found myself in the most bizarre places. Last night I made my way through my old neighborhood in Riverside then headed to Zelionople. I've never been to Zelionople before. Four nights before I was traveling backseat with Bridget, having Sarah Brown as our escort through Pittsburgh. From there it all seems a blur. Like I said, the nights have been long. Lack of sleep, yet I'm energetic. I've been sick for, oh lets say, going on two weeks. I didn't eat for four days, yet since Monday I can't stop eating. I should stop, I don't want to end up regretting that. I'm more confused than anything, maybe a little angry but not for the reason I'm confused. I shouldn't be upset, that's why I'm not. I expected what to happen, how could I not? I've had my chance and was foolish to think otherwise. It's just that I've been so stupid in the past, no matter how much I've changed I can't take that back. From here on out I'm not going to try as hard as I have the past weeks. People grow apart, relationships die, and I need to get that into my head. As much as I don't want them to, these next few years will be rough. I'm strong though and will be fine sticking to it. College isn't going too well. I want to do better but don't seem to have my kick of ambition as I use to. Work sucks, I'm looking to apply elsewhere and they give me a quarter raise. If I stay I'll be miserable and holding on to nothing, if I leave i'll be wasting my time away at some useless job that benefits nothing. It's all pretty much a lose-lose situation with work. As much as I am going to try and enjoy college I can't wait until I graduate and get my real job. I don't know where it will take me either. I'm not as worried about staying around here as I once was. I love Pittsburgh and all but the only thing keeping me here is my family. My friends are the greatest but I need new oppurtunities like everyone else. I've said this most sincere and mellow. I now return to find myself in a state that's all too familiar to me. A stage that I once secluded myself to but never knew quite why. I've finally realized it. This might need a few weeks of convincing but I'm sure I can get it back in to my mind. Besides, that's what my life's all about, no?
Previous post Next post
Up