DEFIANT EYES, ANGRY MOUTH: 6. Heat, PART A
Title: Defiant eyes, Angry Mouth
Author: mjaku
Beta: none
Genre: Supernatural, romance, friendship, !FUTURE!Smut, lemonade....
Rating: PG-13 (Blood, mentions of violence....)
Pairings: HanMin (HankyungxSungmin) Eunhae
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior or any other band mentioned in this fic.
Summary: Sungmin loved the forest more than anything in the whole world. However, on one day, he has an dangerous encounter in the forest he loves so much, but when this encounter actually happens again in his school and in a form of a human, Sungmin is forced to join a world, which he had no idea even existed.
-DEFIANT EYES, ANGRY MOUTH-
6. Heat
PART A
”Sungmin come on. No one is actually interested in what happens in your dreams anyway so you can stop sulking now.”
No answer. Hankyung sighed heavily and leaned his whole weight against the wall just beside the door to Sungmin’s dorm. It had been three days and the wolf’s guardian had shut down all connections to the world outside his dorm. Hankyung growled to himself before slamming his fist against the wooden surface of the door.
“FINE. Sulk as long as you like. Starve to death, see whether I care. I’m going to go for a run with the other wolves and see how the MATURE guardians act.” Without saying anything else, the tall male marched to the end of the corridor and left a booming silence to his wake.
The silence wasn’t any different on the other side of the wooden block, where Sungmin was laying on his wide bed, a pillow mashed up to his face. The male had considered choking himself to death with this particular pillow, but decided against it as he realized that dying out of pure shame wasn’t really that smart move to do.
But Sungmin really couldn’t stop himself from thinking that how awesome it would be to just…die right there. Out of something relatively normal like a heart attack, or a seizure of some sort. It would be so easy, to just float away and forget everything that the other people were thinking of him. To be released of the disgust and shame he felt towards himself on that moment.
Yes, Sungmin was so embarrassed about his dreams, that he had locked himself to his room for three days. He had been so embarrassed that he had spent the first day of his self-hatred locked inside the bathroom, where he couldn’t hear Hankyung’s continuous pleas for him to come out. For the past three days it had been the same routine for Hankyung’s visits: Around ten in the morning the male would stay outside Sungmin’s door, trying to coax the male to come out and eat. When this would not succeed, the Chinese man would lose his temper, punch the door a couple of times and yell angrily and stomp away.
And all this would repeat itself during the afternoon when Hankyung would’ve gotten a hang of his temper again.
Sungmin had never felt so….confused in his life. He had automatically thought that the dreams about Hankyung were made by the male himself, because there just wasn’t any chance that Sungmin could’ve dreamt about….a guy in a way like that.
No way. Never.
And still it was bothering the male horribly as during the past two nights he had been always woken up with a rather unpleasant surprise inside his pants. And every single time he had been forced to recall all the details from the endeavours in his dreams while in shower, and this was enough to leave him sleepless for the rest of the night.
It was eating him alive, because he was changing, and the change he was undergoing was of the kind, which he could not control. He was changing to something completely different and the loss of control was enough to make him freak out at 5 in the morning so much, that he would be dry heaving in front of the sink.
And now when Sungmin listened how Hankyung’s footsteps got further and further away, a disgusting sensation started to gnaw at the mark on his neck insistently and the male grit his teeth.
Go away you parasites. It’s you who are making me feel sick. It’s your fault that I’m here in this shape….
….
On the next day, the routine continued on. However, for the first time Sungmin started to feel the temptation to go and open the door for Hankyung so that he could finally get something to eat. The constant gnawing feeling on the mark was starting to diminish some as the hunger which made his stomach lurch painfully was making him lose concentration on the itch the bacteria caused.
Before Sungmin could make his decision, it went quiet in the corridor, and the male was left to bathe in his lonely silence. The male stared at the door longingly, almost hoping that Hankyung’s insistent knocking would magically continue so that he would be having a reason to walk over to the door and go to eat, but as the silence stretched further, Sungmin sighed heavily and grimaced as his stomach made yet other grumbling sound.
The male was dozing on the bed for a good while, before his ears perked up as he heard rushed footsteps coming from the corridor and some distant voices yelling somewhere. He was just about to go back to his oblivious snoozing when a huge bang was to be heard from his door and his eyes flew wide open.
“SUNGMIN GODDAMMIT. I SWEAR THAT I’M GOING TO DISEMBOWEL YOU FOR BEING A DICKLESS BITCH.”
Sungmin didn’t have time to do anything else aside from recognizing the voice as Donghae’s before the said male already barged through the door with horrible crashing and screeching as the locks broke down. Sungmin’s best friend didn’t let the bewildered male even stand up properly from the bed he was lying on, before he was already dragging the male out of the dorm and towards the main hall. Sungmin was just about to say something when Donghae beat him to it.
“I’m going to be the smart one here and I won’t beat you to a pulp, but I’m going to give you some free education instead.” the male growled under his breath and Sungmin gulped loudly as they made their way briskly across the big hall while people stared at them confusedly.
Finally they walked on the soft grass mat of the big field surrounding the school and Sungmin looked around in wonder as he saw at least fifty wolves there, some were playing with their guardians, some were playing with each other and some were just laying around casually. Donghae kept dragging his best friend through the masses, until they came to stand at the outer edges of the forest. Sungmin stared at his best friend confusedly as Donghae kept silent this time, watching the wolves which were still playing on the soft grass, not noticing the two males standing in the cover of the trees.
It took almost full five minutes for the younger male to finally start talking.
“Hankyung told us why you were hiding.”
Sungmin averted his gaze as he heard these words from Donghae and a slight blush started to tint his cheeks. The silence stretched between them for a good while before Donghae spoke again.
“I have to say, that I respect Hankyung greatly.” Sungmin shoot his best friend a glance before starting to stare at the ground under his feet again. Donghae ignored this completely as he continued.
“You were the one being a dick, and he kept on blaming himself about this. He even refused to tell us the reason why you were hiding behind closed doors without eating or socializing at all. But as he realized that you would rather starve yourself to death before coming out of there, he finally told me.” This time, Donghae turned to face his best friend properly and Sungmin lifted his gaze begrudgingly to Donghae’s piercing ones.
The last thing he expected was a punch straight in the nose so that a flood of blood suddenly hit Sungmin’s mouth as he staggered backwards and fell on his ass. The male cursed with blood seeping out of his mouth and lifted his eyes to look at Donghae, who was standing now above him, a cold expression on his normally so gentle face.
“Dhe fug Hae?! Dhat friggid’ hurd you fuging idiod! My dose id broken…!” Sungmin yelled with a stuffed voice, but got only silence as an answer. Angry beyond reason, Sungmin rose up to his feet and started to make his way past Donghae, but was stopped by the cold words the younger male said next.
“I have always thought that you are a very gentle personality, but with the courage, that you can stand up to what is right.” Donghae turned his head to look at his best friend, a sad look creeping to his warm hazelnut eyes. “But I never thought that you could act this selfishly just because something doesn’t go your way.”
“Hankyung is seriously trying to be your friend and support here, but all you do is be ungrateful and rude towards him. He took you here because he needs you. He didn’t take you to use you as some sex slave as you seem to think. He needs you to make sure he stays alive.” Donghae pointed to the heart of the forest, his expression a weird mixture of sadness, anger and disappointment.
“If you walk straight ahead from here, always heading towards that one hill looming over there, you’ll reach the portal which will take you back to our school. I think that is the best alternative for all of us, and especially for you.” Donghae looked at Sungmin, who was now openly gaping at his best friend, blood dripping from his nose to his white T-shirt and his hand raised slightly to wipe the blood away. Then the male finally registered Donghae’s words.
“…I can’d leave you! If I go, you wouddn’t be coming wid me, so I can’d jusd leave!” Sungmin yelled, wiping his dripping nose absently to his sleeve. Donghae let out a frustrated growl out of his mouth at this and grabbed the front of Sungmin’s shirt violently.
“THAT’S EXACTLY WHY YOU CAN’T STAY HERE YOU BLOCKHEAD! Your motivation isn’t in the right place, whereas I’m ready to throw my life away for Hyukjae! You are here just to make sure you won’t be alone!” Donghae growled, his face only couple of inches away from Sungmin’s face. “There is no point in you being here if you aren’t ready to make sacrifices for this! You can’t blame Hankyung for everything you have done wrong, your wolf has done everything he can for you, and has made even more sacrifices for you, but just today, I saw him getting ready for a second trip to our school, to check for potential people to act as his guardian!” Donghae pushed baffled Sungmin away with a disgusted expression on his face.
“Congrats Sungmin, you will be the first guardian to be kicked out of here. “ Donghae said with a hollow tone and turned around to walk out to the wide field.
Sungmin stared ahead of him in shock. Hankyung was seriously considering kicking him out? The male mentally cringed as he realized how awful he had acted all along the time he had been there with Hankyung, but as the male tried to find the words to defend himself from the unavoidable destiny he was hurling towards, he just couldn’t find the words. The traces of the dreams he had had clawed at his thoughts and as he tried to find a solution, he ended up in a dead end. Again and again and again.
“Donghae, don’t….no, don’t go!” Sungmin said with a wavering voice and his best friend turned around, his brows furrowed.
“If you have something to say, say it to Hankyung, not me! My job here is done, if you want to secure your place here, you have t….”
“I’M SCARED, GODDAMMIT!”
That shut Donghae’s mouth effectively as Sungmin stood there, trying to stop the bleeding from his nose. After a while of silence, Sungmin continued with a wavering voice.
“I’m changing. I’m changing and I can’t affect it at all. I locked myself up for three days and as I had time to self-observate myself, I realized that aside from all the shit I have made Hankyung go through, I’m also going through something which I don’t understand!” Sungmin said while waving furiously with his hands. After a while the male rubbed his face tiredly and lifted his eyes to gaze at Donghae.
“I’m scared because I don’t have the control anymore.”
A silent gust of wind shook the branches of the trees and sneaked its way past the two standing males. Donghae was now staring at Sungmin, his face expressionless, but Sungmin was shaking violently, his other hand covering half of his face. After the wind died down and they could hear the sounds of the wolves playing again, Donghae finally spoke up.
“I changed too.” Sungmin lifted his eyes to look at his best friend and was surprised to find a slight trace of a smile on his face. Donghae let his eyes meet Sungmin’s and this time a full smile appeared on his face.
“The change you are going through means that you are opening up, Sungmin.” The younger male continued to look at Sungmin’s bewildered expression and closed his eyes.
“The change is a normal way of reacting to the wolf. They are really magnificent creatures, because no matter how much a person shuts himself to a tight shell, the wolves can sense the true person under that and slowly they can drag that person up.” A silent laugh escaped Donghae’s mouth at this and he scratched his neck.
“You must have heard about the whole ordeal with Hyukjae when he became...kind of frustrated with the bacteria going kind of crazy and all that….” Donghae said quietly and Sungmin nodded warily. “Well, he kind of tried to force me to have sex with him, but that was….when something happened. You could say that Hyukjae pulled out the hidden persona from me…” Donghae laughed a bit at this and Sungmin couldn’t stop the mocking snort coming out of his mouth at this.
“Hidden persona? I’m kind of afraid of you now that you have broken down my door when it was locked and broken my nose also.” Sungmin said with a humorless tone and Donghae lifted his eyebrow.
“I guess you speak out when enough violence is used against you.” Sungmin frowned at this and Donghae also went serious.
“The change is something you just have to get used to. There is no way around it and you don’t have any control over it but it’s just a one way of growing.” Donghae said and after a while, he gave a small smile to his best friend, who still wasn’t smiling at all. Just when Donghae was about to open his mouth to ask, Sungmin lifted his eyes to look at his best friend and after a while of gaping, Sungmin finally managed to get the words out of his mouth.
“Is having wet dreams about Hankyung normal part of this ‘change’?” Sungmin asked with a strained voice and it took Donghae a while to reciprocate the question, before a slight blush started to tint his cheeks.
“Umm….well…..I think so, although I didn’t have them about Hankyung…..” Tha male scratched his neck awkwardly and Sungmin gulped loudly before starting to fiddle with his hands nervously.
“I don’t think that I’m ready for….”
“Sungmin, here being gay is completely normal.” Donghae interrupted his best friend with a serious tone and Sungmin lifted his eyes immediately and now his face was completely red as he started to wave his hand furiously in denial
“No! I’m not gay! The wet dreams are just related to this whole ‘changing’ process! I don’t harbor that kind of feelings towards Hankyung when I’m awake! No way! NO!” the male practically screamed and Donghae rolled his eyes before starting to walk back towards the school.
“I hope that my education made you change your attitude a bit.” The younger male said over his shoulder and left Sungmin standing at the edge of the forest. After a while of contemplating, the older male stepped forward and ran after his best friend, his new made decision giving new strength for his feet.
“Donghae, I need to find Hankyung.”
__________________________________________
The hits delivered to the punching bag in front of the Chinese male were swift, fast and yet strong. The constant tapping kept the bag in motion and as the man let his knuckles hit the raspy surface of the leather, he didn’t hear how the door opened and closed behind him.
Finally, when Sungmin dragged another punching bag from the storage room, Hankyung finally stopped the punching bag from moving and turned his eyes to look at Sungmin, clearly quite surprised about the sudden appearance of the younger male. However, either one of them didn’t say a thing as Sungmin put the bag hanging from one of the hooks attached to the roof.
As the younger male started to wrap some gauge around his hands, Hankyung finally saw his face fully and with a frown he stepped forward and grabbed Sungmin’s chin and tilted it upwards slightly, the lamp above illuminating the purplish bruise forming on Sungmin’s nose. The said male hissed in pain as Hankyung’s fingers pressed his chin a bit too hard and the Chinese male frowned and started to take his boxing gloves away.
“I need to fix your nose.”
This was enough to send Sungmin to the brink of panic and he started to back away, his eyes widening in horror.
“Umm, I was kind of….waiting for the pain to go away and then go and show it to…a proper doctor somewhere….” Hankyung kept on walking towards him, unwrapping the gauge covering his hands, his eyes trained on Sungmin the whole time. Sungmin’s back met the wall and when Hankyung was standing a couple of feet away from him, he decided to speak.
“When the pain has disappeared, the bones have already ossified the wrong way.” Hankyung lifted his hands towards Sungmin’s head. “Besides, no doctors here. Between the guardian-wolf pairs it’s the best if we work as a pair where we know every single detail about our partner, and based on that information we can also treat each other the right way if the situation demands it.” Sungmin’s eyes stared in horror as Hankyung’s hands came closer and closer to him and just when his fingertips were about to rest on Sungmin’s nose, the younger male let out a strangled sound from his throat and slapped Hankyung’s hands away.
“Goddammit, it will hurt! I can say immediately that I can’t do this without being sedated in some way!” the male growled with a broken voice and Hankyung looked at him expressionlessly before stepping forward again. Sungmin kept backing away, his eyes growing downright hysterical.
“Hankyung, I’m serious! I can’t do this without anesthesia of some sort!” Sungmin’s back hit the wall again and Hankyung crept closer and closer. As he was one meter away from the horrified brunet, the Chinese male finally spoke.
“Sorry, Sungmin.”
With this, he tackled the younger male to the ground.
…
Small lights flickered above Sungmin as he tried to understand what was happening around him. His whole head felt like somebody would’ve been trying to fasten it with screws to the floor under him. His nose was throbbing and he would’ve screamed and yelled how it hurt but the stabbing pain was warning him for not doing anything rash with his mouth.
As he laid there, his vision started to clear up and slowly he turned his head to the left, where Hankyung was sitting. When the Chinese male noticed the movement from the corner of his eye, he lifted his eyes to look at Sungmin, who was looking at him, his eyes screaming bloody murder.
“I didn’t think you’d actually pass out.” the man said after a pressuring silence between them stretched out for a good while. Sungmin let out a sound from his throat, resembling a growl, and turned his head back towards the ceiling. The pain was still gnawing at his every nerve end and as they sat (or lied in Sungmin’s case) there, Hankyung finally spoke.
“I’m kind of curious about why were you here in the first place? Was it because of the nose or....? What happened to your nose anyway?”¨Hankyung asked nonchalantly and Sungmin moved his eyes slightly to look at the Chinese male. Then he remembered the reason why he had come there in the first place and snorted a bit, only to wince as the pain in his nose made its existence known. As Hankyung continued to look at him expectantly, finally Sungmin cleared his throat carefully, trying to avoid the stab of pain.
“After you actually made me faint from pain, I’m not so sure whether I want to tell you what I meant to tell you by coming here, jerk.” Sungmin muttered silently and Hankyung laughed a bit at that.
“Who broke your nose anyway? Was somebody so horrified in seeing you outside your dorm that they smashed your nose in?” Sungmin mentally cringed a bit at the slight accusation in Hankyung’s tone when he mentioned Sungmin’s time of seclusion. The younger male rose up a bit from the floor, ignoring the slight dizziness it caused and turned to face Hankyung properly. They sat there in silence for a good while, and during it, Sungmin tried to gather all the necessary words together.
“…It was Donghae.” Sungmin said with a defeated tone and Hankyung’s eyes widened slightly.
“Oh. He has really changed then, hasn’t he? When he came here, I would’ve never thought that he could actually punch someone straight in the nose…”The Chinese male laughed a bit but the laughter died down soon as he saw the hollow expression Sungmin was wearing. “Well…..mind sharing why he hit you in the first place?”
The younger male averted his gaze to the nearby storage room and started to fiddle with his shirt sleeve nervously. Hankyung was just about to repeat the question when Sungmin opened his mouth.
“Let’s say that he made me open my eyes.” Hankyung lifted his other eyebrow, looking at Sungmin expectantly and the younger male sighed exasperatedly.
“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for being a douche and acting like a spoiled brat. I’m sorry for locking myself for three days and I’m also sorry for coming here and having the wrong motives. This won’t happen again.” Sungmin spouted out of his mouth, averting his gaze from the surprised Chinese man before him. The silence which ensued was very awkward as Hankyung just stared at his younger counterpart, completely dumbstruck. Then, after a while he finally spoke out.
“I’m not forcing you to stay here. I can find a new guardian if this place is…too much for you.” Hankyung said with a nonchalant voice, but as Sungmin lifted his eyes up to meet Hankyung’s dark orbs, he could clearly see the weariness there. The younger male sighed and scratched his neck.
“Look, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t have a place to go as the only thing that matters to me the most is staying here. However, I won’t be acting like the douche I have been during these past days and this time, I’ll actually try to be of help.” The younger male looked at Hankyung, determination showing on his pale face. The Chinese male stayed silent for a while before nodding his head and smiling a bit.
“I guess that’s good enough.” The taller man stood up and walked over to Sungmin, outstretching his hand to help the younger one up. “We can start anew, yes?” Hankyung smiled warmly to his guardian, who stared at the Chinese male for a while, before smiling slightly and grabbing the outstretched hand, standing up.
“I guess so, but no gay-busine…..”
Sungmin couldn’t finish his sentence as the sudden wave of nausea hit him and he was forced to lean to Hankyung heavily for support. The floor underneath his feet seemed to rock from side to side, and his whole body started to sweat heavily. The male blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to control his breathing, which was coming out as heavy gasps and Hankyung’s hands on his shoulders felt like two blocks of grout weighing him down.
“…min! Sungmin! Answer me! “ Hankyung’s voice seemed to come from thousands of miles away as the room kept on rocking around the small man. Sungmin stared in horror at Hankyung’s distorted face as a new sensation crept down from the mark on his neck, making him shiver as the feeling assaulted his every nerve-end. Sungmin’s knees started to shake violently and he held on to Hankyung’s hoodie for dear life, sensing that he would be toppling over any minute.
And then it stopped as abruptly as it had started.
The male panted heavily as a few sweat drops crept down from his forehead and the room finally stopped its rocking motion. Sungmin felt how he steadily gained the control over the shaking in his limbs and he detached himself carefully from the wolf standing before him.
“What the hell just happened Sungmin?! Are you okay? Should I take you to your room?” Hankyung’s frantic voice woke Sungmin from his daze and he lifted his eyes to look at Hankyung, shaking his head a bit as the outer edges of Hankyung’s figure got slightly muddled.
“I….I’m fine. I just haven’t eaten anything and I haven’t slept that much either, so I guess this was just a result of that.” Sungmin said with s slightly shaking voice and Hankyung furrowed his brows.
“Are you sure? Surely you don’t sweat that much when you are just low on energy. Do you have fever or…” As Hankyung lifted his hand to touch Sungmin’s forehead, something snapped inside the smaller male and with a resounding slap he slapped the Chinese male’s hand away, eyes wide with horror.
A silence fell between them and Hankyung frowned.
“I thought you would’ve gotten all over that completely irrational homophobia of yours, but I guess I was wrong.” Hankyung casted him one last look before turning around and starting to walk towards the exit of the gym. It took Sungmin a while to get out of his daze.
“I’m sorry, Hankyung, I didn’t mean that! It just….” Sungmin stared at his hand with a bewildered expression and gulped loudly. “…It won’t happen again. I don’t know what I was thinking…” The younger male said with a defeated tone, and the Chinese male let a small smile grace his lips.
“It’s okay if you didn’t mean it. Now let’s go, we need to get you something to eat.” Hankyung left the dance studio without any other words, and left Sungmin standing there, staring at his hand, bewilderment changing into fear.
The moment just before Hankyung’s hand had been about to touch his forehead, a flicker of sensations had traveled all over Sungmin’s skin like shockwaves. Sungmin clutched his hand to his chest, eyebrows furrowed as he recalled the feeling.
It was exactly the same feeling of need he had experienced during his dreams. The same sensation had coursed over his skin when he had almost collapsed previously. As he had recognized the feeling previously, his hand had slapped Hankyung’s away almost automatically, as if Sungmin’s subconscious would’ve understood that it wouldn’t be a good thing if their skins touched.
“Are you coming or not?” Hankyung peeked his head inside the dance studio and Sungmin snapped out of his daze, still cradling his hand to his chest. He started to walk hurriedly forward, exiting the big room and starting to make his way towards the dining hall with Hankyung.
His hand was tingling insistently from the place which had touched Hankyung’s hand.
Author: mjaku
Beta: none
Genre: Supernatural, romance, friendship, !FUTURE!Smut, lemonade....
Rating: PG-13 (Blood, mentions of violence....)
Pairings: HanMin (HankyungxSungmin) Eunhae
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior or any other band mentioned in this fic.
Summary: Sungmin loved the forest more than anything in the whole world. However, on one day, he has an dangerous encounter in the forest he loves so much, but when this encounter actually happens again in his school and in a form of a human, Sungmin is forced to join a world, which he had no idea even existed.
-DEFIANT EYES, ANGRY MOUTH-
6. Heat
PART A
”Sungmin come on. No one is actually interested in what happens in your dreams anyway so you can stop sulking now.”
No answer. Hankyung sighed heavily and leaned his whole weight against the wall just beside the door to Sungmin’s dorm. It had been three days and the wolf’s guardian had shut down all connections to the world outside his dorm. Hankyung growled to himself before slamming his fist against the wooden surface of the door.
“FINE. Sulk as long as you like. Starve to death, see whether I care. I’m going to go for a run with the other wolves and see how the MATURE guardians act.” Without saying anything else, the tall male marched to the end of the corridor and left a booming silence to his wake.
The silence wasn’t any different on the other side of the wooden block, where Sungmin was laying on his wide bed, a pillow mashed up to his face. The male had considered choking himself to death with this particular pillow, but decided against it as he realized that dying out of pure shame wasn’t really that smart move to do.
But Sungmin really couldn’t stop himself from thinking that how awesome it would be to just…die right there. Out of something relatively normal like a heart attack, or a seizure of some sort. It would be so easy, to just float away and forget everything that the other people were thinking of him. To be released of the disgust and shame he felt towards himself on that moment.
Yes, Sungmin was so embarrassed about his dreams, that he had locked himself to his room for three days. He had been so embarrassed that he had spent the first day of his self-hatred locked inside the bathroom, where he couldn’t hear Hankyung’s continuous pleas for him to come out. For the past three days it had been the same routine for Hankyung’s visits: Around ten in the morning the male would stay outside Sungmin’s door, trying to coax the male to come out and eat. When this would not succeed, the Chinese man would lose his temper, punch the door a couple of times and yell angrily and stomp away.
And all this would repeat itself during the afternoon when Hankyung would’ve gotten a hang of his temper again.
Sungmin had never felt so….confused in his life. He had automatically thought that the dreams about Hankyung were made by the male himself, because there just wasn’t any chance that Sungmin could’ve dreamt about….a guy in a way like that.
No way. Never.
And still it was bothering the male horribly as during the past two nights he had been always woken up with a rather unpleasant surprise inside his pants. And every single time he had been forced to recall all the details from the endeavours in his dreams while in shower, and this was enough to leave him sleepless for the rest of the night.
It was eating him alive, because he was changing, and the change he was undergoing was of the kind, which he could not control. He was changing to something completely different and the loss of control was enough to make him freak out at 5 in the morning so much, that he would be dry heaving in front of the sink.
And now when Sungmin listened how Hankyung’s footsteps got further and further away, a disgusting sensation started to gnaw at the mark on his neck insistently and the male grit his teeth.
Go away you parasites. It’s you who are making me feel sick. It’s your fault that I’m here in this shape….
….
On the next day, the routine continued on. However, for the first time Sungmin started to feel the temptation to go and open the door for Hankyung so that he could finally get something to eat. The constant gnawing feeling on the mark was starting to diminish some as the hunger which made his stomach lurch painfully was making him lose concentration on the itch the bacteria caused.
Before Sungmin could make his decision, it went quiet in the corridor, and the male was left to bathe in his lonely silence. The male stared at the door longingly, almost hoping that Hankyung’s insistent knocking would magically continue so that he would be having a reason to walk over to the door and go to eat, but as the silence stretched further, Sungmin sighed heavily and grimaced as his stomach made yet other grumbling sound.
The male was dozing on the bed for a good while, before his ears perked up as he heard rushed footsteps coming from the corridor and some distant voices yelling somewhere. He was just about to go back to his oblivious snoozing when a huge bang was to be heard from his door and his eyes flew wide open.
“SUNGMIN GODDAMMIT. I SWEAR THAT I’M GOING TO DISEMBOWEL YOU FOR BEING A DICKLESS BITCH.”
Sungmin didn’t have time to do anything else aside from recognizing the voice as Donghae’s before the said male already barged through the door with horrible crashing and screeching as the locks broke down. Sungmin’s best friend didn’t let the bewildered male even stand up properly from the bed he was lying on, before he was already dragging the male out of the dorm and towards the main hall. Sungmin was just about to say something when Donghae beat him to it.
“I’m going to be the smart one here and I won’t beat you to a pulp, but I’m going to give you some free education instead.” the male growled under his breath and Sungmin gulped loudly as they made their way briskly across the big hall while people stared at them confusedly.
Finally they walked on the soft grass mat of the big field surrounding the school and Sungmin looked around in wonder as he saw at least fifty wolves there, some were playing with their guardians, some were playing with each other and some were just laying around casually. Donghae kept dragging his best friend through the masses, until they came to stand at the outer edges of the forest. Sungmin stared at his best friend confusedly as Donghae kept silent this time, watching the wolves which were still playing on the soft grass, not noticing the two males standing in the cover of the trees.
It took almost full five minutes for the younger male to finally start talking.
“Hankyung told us why you were hiding.”
Sungmin averted his gaze as he heard these words from Donghae and a slight blush started to tint his cheeks. The silence stretched between them for a good while before Donghae spoke again.
“I have to say, that I respect Hankyung greatly.” Sungmin shoot his best friend a glance before starting to stare at the ground under his feet again. Donghae ignored this completely as he continued.
“You were the one being a dick, and he kept on blaming himself about this. He even refused to tell us the reason why you were hiding behind closed doors without eating or socializing at all. But as he realized that you would rather starve yourself to death before coming out of there, he finally told me.” This time, Donghae turned to face his best friend properly and Sungmin lifted his gaze begrudgingly to Donghae’s piercing ones.
The last thing he expected was a punch straight in the nose so that a flood of blood suddenly hit Sungmin’s mouth as he staggered backwards and fell on his ass. The male cursed with blood seeping out of his mouth and lifted his eyes to look at Donghae, who was standing now above him, a cold expression on his normally so gentle face.
“Dhe fug Hae?! Dhat friggid’ hurd you fuging idiod! My dose id broken…!” Sungmin yelled with a stuffed voice, but got only silence as an answer. Angry beyond reason, Sungmin rose up to his feet and started to make his way past Donghae, but was stopped by the cold words the younger male said next.
“I have always thought that you are a very gentle personality, but with the courage, that you can stand up to what is right.” Donghae turned his head to look at his best friend, a sad look creeping to his warm hazelnut eyes. “But I never thought that you could act this selfishly just because something doesn’t go your way.”
“Hankyung is seriously trying to be your friend and support here, but all you do is be ungrateful and rude towards him. He took you here because he needs you. He didn’t take you to use you as some sex slave as you seem to think. He needs you to make sure he stays alive.” Donghae pointed to the heart of the forest, his expression a weird mixture of sadness, anger and disappointment.
“If you walk straight ahead from here, always heading towards that one hill looming over there, you’ll reach the portal which will take you back to our school. I think that is the best alternative for all of us, and especially for you.” Donghae looked at Sungmin, who was now openly gaping at his best friend, blood dripping from his nose to his white T-shirt and his hand raised slightly to wipe the blood away. Then the male finally registered Donghae’s words.
“…I can’d leave you! If I go, you wouddn’t be coming wid me, so I can’d jusd leave!” Sungmin yelled, wiping his dripping nose absently to his sleeve. Donghae let out a frustrated growl out of his mouth at this and grabbed the front of Sungmin’s shirt violently.
“THAT’S EXACTLY WHY YOU CAN’T STAY HERE YOU BLOCKHEAD! Your motivation isn’t in the right place, whereas I’m ready to throw my life away for Hyukjae! You are here just to make sure you won’t be alone!” Donghae growled, his face only couple of inches away from Sungmin’s face. “There is no point in you being here if you aren’t ready to make sacrifices for this! You can’t blame Hankyung for everything you have done wrong, your wolf has done everything he can for you, and has made even more sacrifices for you, but just today, I saw him getting ready for a second trip to our school, to check for potential people to act as his guardian!” Donghae pushed baffled Sungmin away with a disgusted expression on his face.
“Congrats Sungmin, you will be the first guardian to be kicked out of here. “ Donghae said with a hollow tone and turned around to walk out to the wide field.
Sungmin stared ahead of him in shock. Hankyung was seriously considering kicking him out? The male mentally cringed as he realized how awful he had acted all along the time he had been there with Hankyung, but as the male tried to find the words to defend himself from the unavoidable destiny he was hurling towards, he just couldn’t find the words. The traces of the dreams he had had clawed at his thoughts and as he tried to find a solution, he ended up in a dead end. Again and again and again.
“Donghae, don’t….no, don’t go!” Sungmin said with a wavering voice and his best friend turned around, his brows furrowed.
“If you have something to say, say it to Hankyung, not me! My job here is done, if you want to secure your place here, you have t….”
“I’M SCARED, GODDAMMIT!”
That shut Donghae’s mouth effectively as Sungmin stood there, trying to stop the bleeding from his nose. After a while of silence, Sungmin continued with a wavering voice.
“I’m changing. I’m changing and I can’t affect it at all. I locked myself up for three days and as I had time to self-observate myself, I realized that aside from all the shit I have made Hankyung go through, I’m also going through something which I don’t understand!” Sungmin said while waving furiously with his hands. After a while the male rubbed his face tiredly and lifted his eyes to gaze at Donghae.
“I’m scared because I don’t have the control anymore.”
A silent gust of wind shook the branches of the trees and sneaked its way past the two standing males. Donghae was now staring at Sungmin, his face expressionless, but Sungmin was shaking violently, his other hand covering half of his face. After the wind died down and they could hear the sounds of the wolves playing again, Donghae finally spoke up.
“I changed too.” Sungmin lifted his eyes to look at his best friend and was surprised to find a slight trace of a smile on his face. Donghae let his eyes meet Sungmin’s and this time a full smile appeared on his face.
“The change you are going through means that you are opening up, Sungmin.” The younger male continued to look at Sungmin’s bewildered expression and closed his eyes.
“The change is a normal way of reacting to the wolf. They are really magnificent creatures, because no matter how much a person shuts himself to a tight shell, the wolves can sense the true person under that and slowly they can drag that person up.” A silent laugh escaped Donghae’s mouth at this and he scratched his neck.
“You must have heard about the whole ordeal with Hyukjae when he became...kind of frustrated with the bacteria going kind of crazy and all that….” Donghae said quietly and Sungmin nodded warily. “Well, he kind of tried to force me to have sex with him, but that was….when something happened. You could say that Hyukjae pulled out the hidden persona from me…” Donghae laughed a bit at this and Sungmin couldn’t stop the mocking snort coming out of his mouth at this.
“Hidden persona? I’m kind of afraid of you now that you have broken down my door when it was locked and broken my nose also.” Sungmin said with a humorless tone and Donghae lifted his eyebrow.
“I guess you speak out when enough violence is used against you.” Sungmin frowned at this and Donghae also went serious.
“The change is something you just have to get used to. There is no way around it and you don’t have any control over it but it’s just a one way of growing.” Donghae said and after a while, he gave a small smile to his best friend, who still wasn’t smiling at all. Just when Donghae was about to open his mouth to ask, Sungmin lifted his eyes to look at his best friend and after a while of gaping, Sungmin finally managed to get the words out of his mouth.
“Is having wet dreams about Hankyung normal part of this ‘change’?” Sungmin asked with a strained voice and it took Donghae a while to reciprocate the question, before a slight blush started to tint his cheeks.
“Umm….well…..I think so, although I didn’t have them about Hankyung…..” Tha male scratched his neck awkwardly and Sungmin gulped loudly before starting to fiddle with his hands nervously.
“I don’t think that I’m ready for….”
“Sungmin, here being gay is completely normal.” Donghae interrupted his best friend with a serious tone and Sungmin lifted his eyes immediately and now his face was completely red as he started to wave his hand furiously in denial
“No! I’m not gay! The wet dreams are just related to this whole ‘changing’ process! I don’t harbor that kind of feelings towards Hankyung when I’m awake! No way! NO!” the male practically screamed and Donghae rolled his eyes before starting to walk back towards the school.
“I hope that my education made you change your attitude a bit.” The younger male said over his shoulder and left Sungmin standing at the edge of the forest. After a while of contemplating, the older male stepped forward and ran after his best friend, his new made decision giving new strength for his feet.
“Donghae, I need to find Hankyung.”
__________________________________________
The hits delivered to the punching bag in front of the Chinese male were swift, fast and yet strong. The constant tapping kept the bag in motion and as the man let his knuckles hit the raspy surface of the leather, he didn’t hear how the door opened and closed behind him.
Finally, when Sungmin dragged another punching bag from the storage room, Hankyung finally stopped the punching bag from moving and turned his eyes to look at Sungmin, clearly quite surprised about the sudden appearance of the younger male. However, either one of them didn’t say a thing as Sungmin put the bag hanging from one of the hooks attached to the roof.
As the younger male started to wrap some gauge around his hands, Hankyung finally saw his face fully and with a frown he stepped forward and grabbed Sungmin’s chin and tilted it upwards slightly, the lamp above illuminating the purplish bruise forming on Sungmin’s nose. The said male hissed in pain as Hankyung’s fingers pressed his chin a bit too hard and the Chinese male frowned and started to take his boxing gloves away.
“I need to fix your nose.”
This was enough to send Sungmin to the brink of panic and he started to back away, his eyes widening in horror.
“Umm, I was kind of….waiting for the pain to go away and then go and show it to…a proper doctor somewhere….” Hankyung kept on walking towards him, unwrapping the gauge covering his hands, his eyes trained on Sungmin the whole time. Sungmin’s back met the wall and when Hankyung was standing a couple of feet away from him, he decided to speak.
“When the pain has disappeared, the bones have already ossified the wrong way.” Hankyung lifted his hands towards Sungmin’s head. “Besides, no doctors here. Between the guardian-wolf pairs it’s the best if we work as a pair where we know every single detail about our partner, and based on that information we can also treat each other the right way if the situation demands it.” Sungmin’s eyes stared in horror as Hankyung’s hands came closer and closer to him and just when his fingertips were about to rest on Sungmin’s nose, the younger male let out a strangled sound from his throat and slapped Hankyung’s hands away.
“Goddammit, it will hurt! I can say immediately that I can’t do this without being sedated in some way!” the male growled with a broken voice and Hankyung looked at him expressionlessly before stepping forward again. Sungmin kept backing away, his eyes growing downright hysterical.
“Hankyung, I’m serious! I can’t do this without anesthesia of some sort!” Sungmin’s back hit the wall again and Hankyung crept closer and closer. As he was one meter away from the horrified brunet, the Chinese male finally spoke.
“Sorry, Sungmin.”
With this, he tackled the younger male to the ground.
…
Small lights flickered above Sungmin as he tried to understand what was happening around him. His whole head felt like somebody would’ve been trying to fasten it with screws to the floor under him. His nose was throbbing and he would’ve screamed and yelled how it hurt but the stabbing pain was warning him for not doing anything rash with his mouth.
As he laid there, his vision started to clear up and slowly he turned his head to the left, where Hankyung was sitting. When the Chinese male noticed the movement from the corner of his eye, he lifted his eyes to look at Sungmin, who was looking at him, his eyes screaming bloody murder.
“I didn’t think you’d actually pass out.” the man said after a pressuring silence between them stretched out for a good while. Sungmin let out a sound from his throat, resembling a growl, and turned his head back towards the ceiling. The pain was still gnawing at his every nerve end and as they sat (or lied in Sungmin’s case) there, Hankyung finally spoke.
“I’m kind of curious about why were you here in the first place? Was it because of the nose or....? What happened to your nose anyway?”¨Hankyung asked nonchalantly and Sungmin moved his eyes slightly to look at the Chinese male. Then he remembered the reason why he had come there in the first place and snorted a bit, only to wince as the pain in his nose made its existence known. As Hankyung continued to look at him expectantly, finally Sungmin cleared his throat carefully, trying to avoid the stab of pain.
“After you actually made me faint from pain, I’m not so sure whether I want to tell you what I meant to tell you by coming here, jerk.” Sungmin muttered silently and Hankyung laughed a bit at that.
“Who broke your nose anyway? Was somebody so horrified in seeing you outside your dorm that they smashed your nose in?” Sungmin mentally cringed a bit at the slight accusation in Hankyung’s tone when he mentioned Sungmin’s time of seclusion. The younger male rose up a bit from the floor, ignoring the slight dizziness it caused and turned to face Hankyung properly. They sat there in silence for a good while, and during it, Sungmin tried to gather all the necessary words together.
“…It was Donghae.” Sungmin said with a defeated tone and Hankyung’s eyes widened slightly.
“Oh. He has really changed then, hasn’t he? When he came here, I would’ve never thought that he could actually punch someone straight in the nose…”The Chinese male laughed a bit but the laughter died down soon as he saw the hollow expression Sungmin was wearing. “Well…..mind sharing why he hit you in the first place?”
The younger male averted his gaze to the nearby storage room and started to fiddle with his shirt sleeve nervously. Hankyung was just about to repeat the question when Sungmin opened his mouth.
“Let’s say that he made me open my eyes.” Hankyung lifted his other eyebrow, looking at Sungmin expectantly and the younger male sighed exasperatedly.
“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for being a douche and acting like a spoiled brat. I’m sorry for locking myself for three days and I’m also sorry for coming here and having the wrong motives. This won’t happen again.” Sungmin spouted out of his mouth, averting his gaze from the surprised Chinese man before him. The silence which ensued was very awkward as Hankyung just stared at his younger counterpart, completely dumbstruck. Then, after a while he finally spoke out.
“I’m not forcing you to stay here. I can find a new guardian if this place is…too much for you.” Hankyung said with a nonchalant voice, but as Sungmin lifted his eyes up to meet Hankyung’s dark orbs, he could clearly see the weariness there. The younger male sighed and scratched his neck.
“Look, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t have a place to go as the only thing that matters to me the most is staying here. However, I won’t be acting like the douche I have been during these past days and this time, I’ll actually try to be of help.” The younger male looked at Hankyung, determination showing on his pale face. The Chinese male stayed silent for a while before nodding his head and smiling a bit.
“I guess that’s good enough.” The taller man stood up and walked over to Sungmin, outstretching his hand to help the younger one up. “We can start anew, yes?” Hankyung smiled warmly to his guardian, who stared at the Chinese male for a while, before smiling slightly and grabbing the outstretched hand, standing up.
“I guess so, but no gay-busine…..”
Sungmin couldn’t finish his sentence as the sudden wave of nausea hit him and he was forced to lean to Hankyung heavily for support. The floor underneath his feet seemed to rock from side to side, and his whole body started to sweat heavily. The male blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to control his breathing, which was coming out as heavy gasps and Hankyung’s hands on his shoulders felt like two blocks of grout weighing him down.
“…min! Sungmin! Answer me! “ Hankyung’s voice seemed to come from thousands of miles away as the room kept on rocking around the small man. Sungmin stared in horror at Hankyung’s distorted face as a new sensation crept down from the mark on his neck, making him shiver as the feeling assaulted his every nerve-end. Sungmin’s knees started to shake violently and he held on to Hankyung’s hoodie for dear life, sensing that he would be toppling over any minute.
And then it stopped as abruptly as it had started.
The male panted heavily as a few sweat drops crept down from his forehead and the room finally stopped its rocking motion. Sungmin felt how he steadily gained the control over the shaking in his limbs and he detached himself carefully from the wolf standing before him.
“What the hell just happened Sungmin?! Are you okay? Should I take you to your room?” Hankyung’s frantic voice woke Sungmin from his daze and he lifted his eyes to look at Hankyung, shaking his head a bit as the outer edges of Hankyung’s figure got slightly muddled.
“I….I’m fine. I just haven’t eaten anything and I haven’t slept that much either, so I guess this was just a result of that.” Sungmin said with s slightly shaking voice and Hankyung furrowed his brows.
“Are you sure? Surely you don’t sweat that much when you are just low on energy. Do you have fever or…” As Hankyung lifted his hand to touch Sungmin’s forehead, something snapped inside the smaller male and with a resounding slap he slapped the Chinese male’s hand away, eyes wide with horror.
A silence fell between them and Hankyung frowned.
“I thought you would’ve gotten all over that completely irrational homophobia of yours, but I guess I was wrong.” Hankyung casted him one last look before turning around and starting to walk towards the exit of the gym. It took Sungmin a while to get out of his daze.
“I’m sorry, Hankyung, I didn’t mean that! It just….” Sungmin stared at his hand with a bewildered expression and gulped loudly. “…It won’t happen again. I don’t know what I was thinking…” The younger male said with a defeated tone, and the Chinese male let a small smile grace his lips.
“It’s okay if you didn’t mean it. Now let’s go, we need to get you something to eat.” Hankyung left the dance studio without any other words, and left Sungmin standing there, staring at his hand, bewilderment changing into fear.
The moment just before Hankyung’s hand had been about to touch his forehead, a flicker of sensations had traveled all over Sungmin’s skin like shockwaves. Sungmin clutched his hand to his chest, eyebrows furrowed as he recalled the feeling.
It was exactly the same feeling of need he had experienced during his dreams. The same sensation had coursed over his skin when he had almost collapsed previously. As he had recognized the feeling previously, his hand had slapped Hankyung’s away almost automatically, as if Sungmin’s subconscious would’ve understood that it wouldn’t be a good thing if their skins touched.
“Are you coming or not?” Hankyung peeked his head inside the dance studio and Sungmin snapped out of his daze, still cradling his hand to his chest. He started to walk hurriedly forward, exiting the big room and starting to make his way towards the dining hall with Hankyung.
His hand was tingling insistently from the place which had touched Hankyung’s hand.