things dont change, people do
Only 5 days left til I'm in toronto! I have a huge presentation to do this Thursday night for film class and my stats assignment to hand in so I will be coming home friday afternoon. Boourns. I want to come home as soon as possible, but there is a large pile of work in between now and my getting on a bus to Toronto.... sighs. Soon it will be over, and I will be relaxing at home on my couch... contemplating how I should be doing readings or starting my essay thats due a couple days later, but being at home is for blowing off work.
Last night I went out to Elixir with Darryl and Lianne and her brother's friends. Darryl and i were the FIRST PEOPLE there. the FIRST! hahah. Drinks were $2.25 so we bought a few (totalling 10 by the end of the evening)and sat around. I was wearing a shirt and no bra and was oozing scandal, but unfortunately didnt want any guys to hit on me. alas. Darryl left early to go meet his friend george at the gay club, and so I sat around with Lianne, her friend leah who is cool and lianne's brother's friend steve and a couple of his friends. we ended up on the dancefloor and one of the guys kept danicng with me despite my best efforts to avoid him and push him off onto leah. He had bought me drink, so it was hard to lose him. The entire I kept thinking how I just wanted ben to call and for me to be able to leave the club. But he didnt, so I was stuck there. When is the good time to tell someone you have a boyfriend? "wait, you shouldnt buy me that drink, I have a boyfriend!"- that sounds very presumptious, as if i assume he wants to have sex with me. And usually I drop Ben's name a billion times in a conversation, but I dont really like the idea of me saying "my boyfriend, my boyfriend..." so I just say my friend or word things differently when I'm out with
new people sometimes. But about 90% of the time I use the term boyfriend. Is this wrong? do other people feel its annoying to constantly drop the b-bomb? So instead of flat out telling him I avoided the guy. Somehow the other dude found out I had a boyfriend (did I tell him? lianne? who knows) and asked me about him when we went to pizza pizza. And then for WHO KNOWS WHY i was having a full out religious debate (??) with this catholic guy, who told me I was going to hell. MOral of story: dont argue with catholics when drunk. No one wins and you leave feeling like shit. So i went to Ben's quite late, despite him claiming he wants to go to bed. he wasnt in bed when i showed up, we sat around chatting in the dark, and I may have taken out my rage at the catholic dude for being so damn ignorant on Ben, who had done very little wrong. I feel badly this morning. I started crying over... nothing. maybe it was stress. So much to do constantly, I always feel behind. And I have a big presentation and stats assignment and readings... and i JUST want to come HOME! he asked me if I wanted to stay the night at his place or if I wanted to go home and I said 'neither, i want to be at HOME home.' He didnt know what to say to make me feel better or reassure me. I feel so sorry for him, he always tries so hard to make me feel better. And sometimes nothing works, and I just need to feel shitty for a while. And it seems I like to make some pretty bold statements when I've had a few drinks and I'm angry. I think I told him that he bottles things up too much (...uhhh yes) and he denied that, and just said he didnt need to tell his friends things about himself and that it was 'none of their business.' ndd I attempted to tell him it shouldnt be like that... that friends are there to open up too, and that he should talk to someone. and maybe I pushed my feelings onto him, because we approach situations so differently. I tell 20 people when I'm upset and need advice and he tells no one, and will just sit alone and think, which I think leads to no real resolution, and he argues is a fine strategy, that he doesnt want anyone to know his personal business. So, the theme of the night was I JUST CANT FREAKING WIN. so with that, I gave up and went home and to bed at 5:30am. and now I'm up and trying to get myself to tackle the big mound of readings in front of me that I need to do for my presentation so I can email my group tonight/monday morning to get together and discuss subtopics! I know, you all are dying to be me right now.
... cant wait to come home.... miss you all like CRAZY. lets get crunk asap.
p.s. I am coming down with a cold and shaved off part of my nail in the shower last night. raahhh.
Last night I went out to Elixir with Darryl and Lianne and her brother's friends. Darryl and i were the FIRST PEOPLE there. the FIRST! hahah. Drinks were $2.25 so we bought a few (totalling 10 by the end of the evening)and sat around. I was wearing a shirt and no bra and was oozing scandal, but unfortunately didnt want any guys to hit on me. alas. Darryl left early to go meet his friend george at the gay club, and so I sat around with Lianne, her friend leah who is cool and lianne's brother's friend steve and a couple of his friends. we ended up on the dancefloor and one of the guys kept danicng with me despite my best efforts to avoid him and push him off onto leah. He had bought me drink, so it was hard to lose him. The entire I kept thinking how I just wanted ben to call and for me to be able to leave the club. But he didnt, so I was stuck there. When is the good time to tell someone you have a boyfriend? "wait, you shouldnt buy me that drink, I have a boyfriend!"- that sounds very presumptious, as if i assume he wants to have sex with me. And usually I drop Ben's name a billion times in a conversation, but I dont really like the idea of me saying "my boyfriend, my boyfriend..." so I just say my friend or word things differently when I'm out with
new people sometimes. But about 90% of the time I use the term boyfriend. Is this wrong? do other people feel its annoying to constantly drop the b-bomb? So instead of flat out telling him I avoided the guy. Somehow the other dude found out I had a boyfriend (did I tell him? lianne? who knows) and asked me about him when we went to pizza pizza. And then for WHO KNOWS WHY i was having a full out religious debate (??) with this catholic guy, who told me I was going to hell. MOral of story: dont argue with catholics when drunk. No one wins and you leave feeling like shit. So i went to Ben's quite late, despite him claiming he wants to go to bed. he wasnt in bed when i showed up, we sat around chatting in the dark, and I may have taken out my rage at the catholic dude for being so damn ignorant on Ben, who had done very little wrong. I feel badly this morning. I started crying over... nothing. maybe it was stress. So much to do constantly, I always feel behind. And I have a big presentation and stats assignment and readings... and i JUST want to come HOME! he asked me if I wanted to stay the night at his place or if I wanted to go home and I said 'neither, i want to be at HOME home.' He didnt know what to say to make me feel better or reassure me. I feel so sorry for him, he always tries so hard to make me feel better. And sometimes nothing works, and I just need to feel shitty for a while. And it seems I like to make some pretty bold statements when I've had a few drinks and I'm angry. I think I told him that he bottles things up too much (...uhhh yes) and he denied that, and just said he didnt need to tell his friends things about himself and that it was 'none of their business.' ndd I attempted to tell him it shouldnt be like that... that friends are there to open up too, and that he should talk to someone. and maybe I pushed my feelings onto him, because we approach situations so differently. I tell 20 people when I'm upset and need advice and he tells no one, and will just sit alone and think, which I think leads to no real resolution, and he argues is a fine strategy, that he doesnt want anyone to know his personal business. So, the theme of the night was I JUST CANT FREAKING WIN. so with that, I gave up and went home and to bed at 5:30am. and now I'm up and trying to get myself to tackle the big mound of readings in front of me that I need to do for my presentation so I can email my group tonight/monday morning to get together and discuss subtopics! I know, you all are dying to be me right now.
... cant wait to come home.... miss you all like CRAZY. lets get crunk asap.
p.s. I am coming down with a cold and shaved off part of my nail in the shower last night. raahhh.