losing my mind, losing control?
My mental illness is clearly worsening. Obsessions and compulsions keep on popping up randomly during the day and I find myself panicking at work because I lose track of who I am, as a human being. Or having my heart squeezed by anxiety and fear of death which is so hilarious in a way because I've gone from wanting to kill myself as a teenager to apparently enjoying life so fucking much I'm afraid to lose it.
Is it even possible to love life so much that you can't stop thinking and worrying about the moment you'll die?
Life. It's so short when you think about it. What's the purpose of it? Why do we live? I could spend hours thinking about it. And panicking, of course, because I realize how many died before me, how many stopped living and just float in someone's memory. Or in no one's.
I guess loneliness doesn't help. But you seek it because you're afraid of losing loved ones and making them suffer when you're gone. There's no way out. I want to be alone to protect myself but I crave love and affection. I feel so miserable.
I wish I didn't have such a mind. I wish I had a shallow, careless mind. The only pain I'd feel would be physical pain. You stomp on my foot, it hurts, I mend it, pain goes away.
Mental pain is so much worse. Once you acknowledge it, it stays with you forever. You can't mend a broken mind.
Funny thing is that I was so happy an hour ago. It's Friday, work was good, I'm keeping up with my diet for once, why do I have to ruin it all?
Is it even possible to love life so much that you can't stop thinking and worrying about the moment you'll die?
Life. It's so short when you think about it. What's the purpose of it? Why do we live? I could spend hours thinking about it. And panicking, of course, because I realize how many died before me, how many stopped living and just float in someone's memory. Or in no one's.
I guess loneliness doesn't help. But you seek it because you're afraid of losing loved ones and making them suffer when you're gone. There's no way out. I want to be alone to protect myself but I crave love and affection. I feel so miserable.
I wish I didn't have such a mind. I wish I had a shallow, careless mind. The only pain I'd feel would be physical pain. You stomp on my foot, it hurts, I mend it, pain goes away.
Mental pain is so much worse. Once you acknowledge it, it stays with you forever. You can't mend a broken mind.
Funny thing is that I was so happy an hour ago. It's Friday, work was good, I'm keeping up with my diet for once, why do I have to ruin it all?