Day Three - Acceptance
I wanted to start writing in an online journal as soon as it happened - but I guess I've been in denial. I've been hoping that this whole situation would blow over somehow and give us a new start. I was hoping for a miracle. But it's Day 3 now and he still hasn't called so I'm starting to accept this sad fact.
I'm the one who chose this path.
I chose to say Goodbye.
Will I ever find lasting happiness?
Will it never be enough?
Those questions cloud my mind..
Is there such a guy out there? .. my Dream Guy. Perhaps my expectations are unrealistic. I thought that there was a chance that he could be that guy and do those things - but he has already accepted the break up and chosen not to be that guy. I guess I should too.. better sooner than later.
Day 1 (Thursday night) and 2 (Friday) - Denial.
I kept myself busy all day Friday - lots of shopping. That always does a girl wonders. Still in denial, I bought him pants and a shirt from YD. Silly me, I should return them now. I bought a whole heap of clothes for myself, including shoes. I kept myself busy until now.. I went out tonight, chatted online and finally.. this.
I made a "depressed" playlist. That's all I've been listening to. I don't know if it has made me feel better or worse. Either way, I won't listen to anything else.
146 songs. Playing: Tonya Mitchell - Turn Around.
I can't say that I'm glad it's over. I just lost a good guy. I JUST LOST A GOOD GUY! Just becoz he wasn't perfect.. hey, I know that I ain't perfect either. Over 1 year - down the drain.. was it worth losing something so special over something like that? Will I ever find lasting happiness..?? It doesn't look promising.
I don't want to question whether I made the right decision. I know that if I'm not happy now, I won't be happy in the future. But I can't help wondering if I'll ever live to regret this. I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying so hard to be ok, to move on, to be happy. I can't imagine how hurt I'd be if I saw him with someone else. That's only normal. But that's what I fear.. to see him with someone else and then realize and regret what I've done. But if I really am not as happy as I'd like to be with him now, I'll be able to accept it.. coz I'd be open to better things out there.
There's only one way now: FORWARD.
The path I choose now is a "Single" path, however, not a lonely path. I don't want to be in anymore relationships. I think it's time I had some time to myself. I'm going to wait for my Dream Guy and I don't think he'll appear anytime soon. So I will wait. I hope my judgement is more accurate this time.
When will the tears come swirling down?
- I wish that it could be him.. but that doesn't make sense.. coz it's not him.. is it??? He came close.
I'm the one who chose this path.
I chose to say Goodbye.
Will I ever find lasting happiness?
Will it never be enough?
Those questions cloud my mind..
Is there such a guy out there? .. my Dream Guy. Perhaps my expectations are unrealistic. I thought that there was a chance that he could be that guy and do those things - but he has already accepted the break up and chosen not to be that guy. I guess I should too.. better sooner than later.
Day 1 (Thursday night) and 2 (Friday) - Denial.
I kept myself busy all day Friday - lots of shopping. That always does a girl wonders. Still in denial, I bought him pants and a shirt from YD. Silly me, I should return them now. I bought a whole heap of clothes for myself, including shoes. I kept myself busy until now.. I went out tonight, chatted online and finally.. this.
I made a "depressed" playlist. That's all I've been listening to. I don't know if it has made me feel better or worse. Either way, I won't listen to anything else.
146 songs. Playing: Tonya Mitchell - Turn Around.
I can't say that I'm glad it's over. I just lost a good guy. I JUST LOST A GOOD GUY! Just becoz he wasn't perfect.. hey, I know that I ain't perfect either. Over 1 year - down the drain.. was it worth losing something so special over something like that? Will I ever find lasting happiness..?? It doesn't look promising.
I don't want to question whether I made the right decision. I know that if I'm not happy now, I won't be happy in the future. But I can't help wondering if I'll ever live to regret this. I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying so hard to be ok, to move on, to be happy. I can't imagine how hurt I'd be if I saw him with someone else. That's only normal. But that's what I fear.. to see him with someone else and then realize and regret what I've done. But if I really am not as happy as I'd like to be with him now, I'll be able to accept it.. coz I'd be open to better things out there.
There's only one way now: FORWARD.
The path I choose now is a "Single" path, however, not a lonely path. I don't want to be in anymore relationships. I think it's time I had some time to myself. I'm going to wait for my Dream Guy and I don't think he'll appear anytime soon. So I will wait. I hope my judgement is more accurate this time.
When will the tears come swirling down?
- I wish that it could be him.. but that doesn't make sense.. coz it's not him.. is it??? He came close.