Insomnia
I cannot sleep.
Playing: Brian McKnight - Anytime
"Do I ever cross your mind, anytime? Do you ever wake up reaching out for me? Do I ever cross your mind, anytime? I miss you..."
I talked to one of my closest buds about it tonight. He's the only one I've told, besides my dear cousin whom I could not live without. I tell him everything when it comes to my love life problems. It's quite ironic, considering our past. I haven't told anyone else - not even my girl friends. It's not because I'm denying it. It's because I'd rather people not know that I'm single so I'm not telling any of my friends or work colleagues.. not anytime soon. I know he has told 1 person (one of his closest mates) but I don't know if he has told anyone else.. so I wouldn't be surprised if the news got out. I will let my closest girl friends know when I see them again.. which won't be for a while.
I know that there are other guys that are interested at the moment. One very obvious one. Another one who has always been there.. but only as my friend because he knows that that's the way it will always be. One at work, who has now left. Another possible one at work who has offered to take me out for dinner or lunch but has not formally done so. He has invited me over to his place to hang out though. There's something about the way he looks at me.. it's very different.. it's almost dreamy-like. I'd love to have new buddies.. but the last thing I need is more relationship opportunities so I'd rather appear to be unavailable. Well, as long as I know what I want, it shouldn't be a problem. Friendship.
Playing: Roxette - It Must Have Been Love
"Lay a whisper on my pillow, leave the winter on the ground. I wake up lonely, there's air of silence in the bedroon and all around. Touch me now, i close my eyes and dream away. It must've been love but it's over now. It must've been good but I lost it somehow.."
Well, how about a real recount of my day?
Morning: Group Meeting which started late. I got on the train without buying a ticket coz I didn't want to be late and got a $200 fine for not having a ticket - and the dumb meeting started 50 minutes late! Now I have to write a letter to get them to let me off the fine. I didn't stress about it though. My friends were shocked to hear about it when I told them so calmly as we waited for the last member to show up. They were like "Whaaat?? I would be so pissed off, especially becoz the meeting is starting late. You look so fine about it." I guess I just don't see the use in stressing over something that I am able to fix or change - and I will change it!
Afternoon: Lunch with a friend. It was so yummy. Chicken schnitzel focacia with sweet chilli sauce.. mMm-mMm! Shopped for about 3.5 hours. Visited Daddy at work and met many of his work colleagues. I talked to one of them about Dogs and discovered that we had very similar dogs and that one of our dogs shared the same name! We went home.
Evening: My cousin, brother and I went to a festival - had some drinks and finger food. We played oriental Lotto.. a very.. memorable experience. *aHem* It started to rain so we went to the supermarket and bought some cakes and went back to my place to watch some anime. She left at midnight and I logged on to chat with my buddies and I'm still here.. listening to my "depressed" song list.
Playing: Trisha Yearwood - How Do I Live Without You
"How do I live without you, I want to know. How do I breathe without you, if you ever go. How do I ever, ever survive? How do I live???"
Whaaaa.. I'm so sleepy. I know that if I got into bed, I'd collapse into a deep sleep. I feel so numb - my body, my mind, my heart. I can't feel anything. I usually would have cried by now. I obviously am not thinking straight.. or thinking at all. Is this really acceptance or am I still in denial? Perhaps neither - maybe I just can't believe that it's all over becoz of that reason.. and I'm afraid to really let go and move on, coz once I do, it'll never be the same.
Playing: B2K - Baby Girl
"Baby girl why don't you come back to me, why don't you love me anymore? Baby girl you know I still care for you, you know I will love you forever more."
Good night & Sweet Dreamz Bloggie.