periodic update
There's no point in my pretending that I'm ever going to keep up with lj anymore. If I'm even online at all anymore and have time to do anything, I'm on facebook. Otherwise, I may check my e-mail accounts each night...or I may not. Sometimes I still just end up coming home, eating dinner, and falling asleep. My life is, indeed, exciting, I know. LOL.
Saw the sleep specialist doctor this past week. He told me to keep using the CPAP machine, even though I told him I didn't feel any more awake. He said since I had 37 apnea incidents per hour without it and only 2/hour with it, that it works. Well, yes, it helps my throat not close up and allow me to breathe...but I do not feel any more rested. He said if I don't use the machine, I'll end up having a stroke or a heart attack. Gee, I'll probably have those from diabetes anyway, so... *shrug*
I also found out my insurance won't pay for the machine if I'm not using it at least 4 hours a night, so I switched back to my original nasal pillow mask instead of the full nose mask, and am trying to be good about using it. The doctor also gave me a sample of a drug called Nuvigil, which is prescribed for those with narcolepsy (which I don't have) or treated obstructive sleep apnea that still has daytime sleepiness. I tried it Thursday and Friday and it seems to help me feel more awake but not jittery or wired as I feared. Thursday night I couldn't sleep at all, though, and I wondered if it was because of the med. Still not sure. Bad thing about it is that my insurance has it as non-preferred and won't give a price and says the doctor has to call their 800 number to get an approval. Knowing my luck, they will either deny it outright or charge me like $300/month. :P
Work continues to be tolerable-to-good sometimes and hell on earth others. I thought I might stick it out till the end of June instead of quitting in the middle of the month, right before my marriage, but I think I will get out of the guilt and just quit. I just had a bad week and don't feel I owe this company anything. It's not like they would look after me. I'm just a number to be crunched. My fiance says he can pay my bills without my working, so I guess I can just deal with the guilt of laying those on him instead of the dread of going to my job. LOL.
People keep asking me if I'm excited about my upcoming wedding. The answer is...not really because my anxiety levels are much higher instead. We've got to figure out just how much to bother fixing up Mom's house to try to get it sold. The reality is, there are so many houses for sale in this ghetto neighborhood already, and the housing market all over the country isn't good, so it might have to stay empty for quite a while. My mom and some of my sisters keep arguing for her to live here alone, but I 100% do not feel comfortable with an 81-year-old elderly woman living by herself here. I've seen too many news stories about criminals that target women and the elderly in general, not to mention how this neighborhood is, to ever feel that she would be safe. My plan is to have her use our home as a base and let her travel the US to visit her friends and family.
Then I worry about the move. I've never really moved in my life, except during the time Mom and I lived away during my parents' divorce. I don't know what to get rid of and how, what to keep, etc. My medications are a whole other issue. Do pharmacies accept prescriptions from out-of-state doctors? What is the patient's last name is different on the prescription from her insurance card. Will I have to take my marriage license with me everywhere to prove I am who I say I am? (I plan on changing my last name.) Also, my insurance has 90-day mail order prescriptions that cost only 60-days' copay. His has mail order, but it's only for 60 days and there is not a price break. All my prescriptions written for 90 days will have to be changed for 30 days instead. If I have to have all new prescriptions written in the new state, under my married name, then how will I possibly get into a primary care doctor and then all the specialists that I'll need to prescribe drugs in time? Some of my drugs, like the insulin, are life critical. *sigh*
And the dress/outfit. We're just having a civil thing, and I don't plan on inviting my family, maybe just a couple of friends and my mom to witness. We will probably have a fancier ceremony at a future date where everyone would be invited. My family is giving me guilt over not having them there...although we are hosting a celebration dinner that weekend that they were invited to. And I have no idea what to wear. Wedding dresses designed for obese woman assume they have monster breasts. Sometimes even nice dresses or suits do the same. Plus, I've been losing weight and I'd hate to buy something now, only to have it too big by June. I've lost 25 pounds since the winter and I'd like to and need to keep losing more. I have a long, long way to go to get down to a not-overweight-per-the-BMI size, which often seems overwhelming and not doable....
Whew! Had some stuff to get off my chest there. LOL. Hopefully some of my lj friends will see this and care to plow through it.
Until the next time, take care! Hope y'all are well.
Saw the sleep specialist doctor this past week. He told me to keep using the CPAP machine, even though I told him I didn't feel any more awake. He said since I had 37 apnea incidents per hour without it and only 2/hour with it, that it works. Well, yes, it helps my throat not close up and allow me to breathe...but I do not feel any more rested. He said if I don't use the machine, I'll end up having a stroke or a heart attack. Gee, I'll probably have those from diabetes anyway, so... *shrug*
I also found out my insurance won't pay for the machine if I'm not using it at least 4 hours a night, so I switched back to my original nasal pillow mask instead of the full nose mask, and am trying to be good about using it. The doctor also gave me a sample of a drug called Nuvigil, which is prescribed for those with narcolepsy (which I don't have) or treated obstructive sleep apnea that still has daytime sleepiness. I tried it Thursday and Friday and it seems to help me feel more awake but not jittery or wired as I feared. Thursday night I couldn't sleep at all, though, and I wondered if it was because of the med. Still not sure. Bad thing about it is that my insurance has it as non-preferred and won't give a price and says the doctor has to call their 800 number to get an approval. Knowing my luck, they will either deny it outright or charge me like $300/month. :P
Work continues to be tolerable-to-good sometimes and hell on earth others. I thought I might stick it out till the end of June instead of quitting in the middle of the month, right before my marriage, but I think I will get out of the guilt and just quit. I just had a bad week and don't feel I owe this company anything. It's not like they would look after me. I'm just a number to be crunched. My fiance says he can pay my bills without my working, so I guess I can just deal with the guilt of laying those on him instead of the dread of going to my job. LOL.
People keep asking me if I'm excited about my upcoming wedding. The answer is...not really because my anxiety levels are much higher instead. We've got to figure out just how much to bother fixing up Mom's house to try to get it sold. The reality is, there are so many houses for sale in this ghetto neighborhood already, and the housing market all over the country isn't good, so it might have to stay empty for quite a while. My mom and some of my sisters keep arguing for her to live here alone, but I 100% do not feel comfortable with an 81-year-old elderly woman living by herself here. I've seen too many news stories about criminals that target women and the elderly in general, not to mention how this neighborhood is, to ever feel that she would be safe. My plan is to have her use our home as a base and let her travel the US to visit her friends and family.
Then I worry about the move. I've never really moved in my life, except during the time Mom and I lived away during my parents' divorce. I don't know what to get rid of and how, what to keep, etc. My medications are a whole other issue. Do pharmacies accept prescriptions from out-of-state doctors? What is the patient's last name is different on the prescription from her insurance card. Will I have to take my marriage license with me everywhere to prove I am who I say I am? (I plan on changing my last name.) Also, my insurance has 90-day mail order prescriptions that cost only 60-days' copay. His has mail order, but it's only for 60 days and there is not a price break. All my prescriptions written for 90 days will have to be changed for 30 days instead. If I have to have all new prescriptions written in the new state, under my married name, then how will I possibly get into a primary care doctor and then all the specialists that I'll need to prescribe drugs in time? Some of my drugs, like the insulin, are life critical. *sigh*
And the dress/outfit. We're just having a civil thing, and I don't plan on inviting my family, maybe just a couple of friends and my mom to witness. We will probably have a fancier ceremony at a future date where everyone would be invited. My family is giving me guilt over not having them there...although we are hosting a celebration dinner that weekend that they were invited to. And I have no idea what to wear. Wedding dresses designed for obese woman assume they have monster breasts. Sometimes even nice dresses or suits do the same. Plus, I've been losing weight and I'd hate to buy something now, only to have it too big by June. I've lost 25 pounds since the winter and I'd like to and need to keep losing more. I have a long, long way to go to get down to a not-overweight-per-the-BMI size, which often seems overwhelming and not doable....
Whew! Had some stuff to get off my chest there. LOL. Hopefully some of my lj friends will see this and care to plow through it.
Until the next time, take care! Hope y'all are well.