Yeah, I used to think the same way. That's why being in Japan was equal to "winning" kinda. "Achieving" my dreams. But I've been here long enough for that ego part of myself to wear down, for me to relax and settle in, and then realize that this place is no glory land. There are some things that I really like about Japan even still like how people don't judge you for what you look like or for who you are. Unless you're foreign (and not Asian). Even Koreans and Philippians (spell check told me that was the correct word..) receive less discrimination than white or black people do, regardless of their nationality. Oh man I could go on for days about what I don't like about Japan now. This place is respectful, at least, but just as dead spiritually and emotionally as the US, if not moreso because the US has woken up quite a bit in the last 15 years.
There's a spiritual community that I know in my hometown that I'd like to be more involved in. I wanna start something, I want to cultivate something that'll bring a big chance in consciousness around the world. I feel like I'm doing it already with my journal but I want to expand that - this crowd is mainly here because of Miyavi, but this isn't about him anymore. He's part of it if he chooses that, but this is more or less my arena.
But yeah, my closest friends know that my obsession with Japan often causes me to fight the flow and things are really hard and take a long time. My addiction to Japan and my fight to stay here doesn't make things move very quickly. Granted, I've learned a lot about life in the process and maybe that was the point, but.. I guess you need to learn to tune into your own feelings about something you want to do. It helps to connect with nature and get into a peaceful state of mind first, but you'll start to see events and thoughts more clearly and the direction you're headed will make more sense.
Going to Japan in 2005 was a wonderful exciting experience, and stuff just started happening. Going back in 2007 was really scary but I sought to make it work. It was very hard and took a long time to get the ball rolling though. However stuff happened in other areas of my life, particularly with spirituality and meeting people and going places. But when I went back to the US, and was about to go back to Japan to work in 2008, I was much more connected spiritually because of what I went through in 2007 and during the months I was in the US, and I actually didn't want to go back. I was terrified. But I went, it took a very long time to readjust, and I got to see the ugly side of Japan.
It was like the universe allowed Japan to fill my heart with hope in 2005, but my mistake was thinking that "things in life start happening when I'm in Japan". It should've been "I know when I'm on the right path, when things in life start happening." So my trip in 2007 should've really ended my obsession with Japan, but my obsession with STAYING in Japan lead to "forces in control of my life" causing me to go back only 3 months later. Then it was like the universe was going "See? It's not about Japan. It's about YOU." I get it now.
However, moving and stuff will be really hard for me and Mimu and if anything I'd like to have more time so in anxiety I totally woke up and the first thing I did was apply to another job >.< stupid huh? Maybe I should take another walk in nature. Going home doesn't mean I'm giving up on my dreams. The path to my dreams just obviously isn't limited to one country and it's bringing me back there for a while - perhaps even to another place in the US later on, or Peru or Australia or something even later on.
There's a spiritual community that I know in my hometown that I'd like to be more involved in. I wanna start something, I want to cultivate something that'll bring a big chance in consciousness around the world. I feel like I'm doing it already with my journal but I want to expand that - this crowd is mainly here because of Miyavi, but this isn't about him anymore. He's part of it if he chooses that, but this is more or less my arena.
But yeah, my closest friends know that my obsession with Japan often causes me to fight the flow and things are really hard and take a long time. My addiction to Japan and my fight to stay here doesn't make things move very quickly. Granted, I've learned a lot about life in the process and maybe that was the point, but.. I guess you need to learn to tune into your own feelings about something you want to do. It helps to connect with nature and get into a peaceful state of mind first, but you'll start to see events and thoughts more clearly and the direction you're headed will make more sense.
Going to Japan in 2005 was a wonderful exciting experience, and stuff just started happening. Going back in 2007 was really scary but I sought to make it work. It was very hard and took a long time to get the ball rolling though. However stuff happened in other areas of my life, particularly with spirituality and meeting people and going places. But when I went back to the US, and was about to go back to Japan to work in 2008, I was much more connected spiritually because of what I went through in 2007 and during the months I was in the US, and I actually didn't want to go back. I was terrified. But I went, it took a very long time to readjust, and I got to see the ugly side of Japan.
It was like the universe allowed Japan to fill my heart with hope in 2005, but my mistake was thinking that "things in life start happening when I'm in Japan". It should've been "I know when I'm on the right path, when things in life start happening." So my trip in 2007 should've really ended my obsession with Japan, but my obsession with STAYING in Japan lead to "forces in control of my life" causing me to go back only 3 months later. Then it was like the universe was going "See? It's not about Japan. It's about YOU." I get it now.
However, moving and stuff will be really hard for me and Mimu and if anything I'd like to have more time so in anxiety I totally woke up and the first thing I did was apply to another job >.< stupid huh? Maybe I should take another walk in nature. Going home doesn't mean I'm giving up on my dreams. The path to my dreams just obviously isn't limited to one country and it's bringing me back there for a while - perhaps even to another place in the US later on, or Peru or Australia or something even later on.
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