She hammered a nail in my effin' mirror frame
My mother has always insisted that I need to go to therapy. More and more though I am realizing that a great deal of my need for therapy is a result of her denial of needing therapy for herself. Since deciding to sell the house and move, my mother has been nothing but neurotic, psychotic, and ANNOYING. Everything must be done exactly when SHE wants it done and if anything is done otherwise she nearly flips out.
She confessed to me recently that she's afraid to be happy because when she was young her father took all their worldly possessions and sold them out from under her and her sister. Well, that's fine and dandy and clearly you need therapy for that, but mother dear, by not getting therapy and imposing your psychosis on other people you are causing them to be unable to be happy.
I truly feel that she is stealing away physical years of my life. That she is causing me to age prematurely. I'd so move back out in a heartbeat, but I can't seem to find that one job that's going to be bearable and allow me to have enough income to support myself fully and without worry. ...sometimes I think I'm doomed to live with my parents from now until they pass away. As though this is somehow what I am supposed to do. It makes me very sad. But being far away from my dad makes me sad too. Being far away from my mother makes me sad also...to a point.
Every time I notice some part of genetics causing me to be like my mother I get depressed. It's like her constant neurotic interference isn't enough...I also have to be cursed to develop physical genetic traits and behaviors. Sometimes I just want to cry.
I guess I should explain the entry title...my mother is obsessive about her posessions. That is...if you were to accidentally knock something into the coffee table you'd get yelled at. If you were to bang a chair against the wall when pulling it out to sit down, you'd get yelled at...lamps, furniture, cabinets, floors, carpet... you name it, if you treat it like it's supposed to instead of like you're planning on selling it someday, you get yelled at. I'm betting theoretically it all traces back to her father. BUT...when it comes to other people's things it's okay for her to do what she wants with it. Stuff constantly disappears from my room and gets used and most recently she hammered a nail into the frame of my mirror so she could hang something on it. I said something and her response was like "it's not like it doesn't have scratches on it already." UGH!!! My reaction after weeks of this neurotic bullshit was to take a huge nail and hammer it into the center of her coffee table. Luckily...I still have some restraint left.
She confessed to me recently that she's afraid to be happy because when she was young her father took all their worldly possessions and sold them out from under her and her sister. Well, that's fine and dandy and clearly you need therapy for that, but mother dear, by not getting therapy and imposing your psychosis on other people you are causing them to be unable to be happy.
I truly feel that she is stealing away physical years of my life. That she is causing me to age prematurely. I'd so move back out in a heartbeat, but I can't seem to find that one job that's going to be bearable and allow me to have enough income to support myself fully and without worry. ...sometimes I think I'm doomed to live with my parents from now until they pass away. As though this is somehow what I am supposed to do. It makes me very sad. But being far away from my dad makes me sad too. Being far away from my mother makes me sad also...to a point.
Every time I notice some part of genetics causing me to be like my mother I get depressed. It's like her constant neurotic interference isn't enough...I also have to be cursed to develop physical genetic traits and behaviors. Sometimes I just want to cry.
I guess I should explain the entry title...my mother is obsessive about her posessions. That is...if you were to accidentally knock something into the coffee table you'd get yelled at. If you were to bang a chair against the wall when pulling it out to sit down, you'd get yelled at...lamps, furniture, cabinets, floors, carpet... you name it, if you treat it like it's supposed to instead of like you're planning on selling it someday, you get yelled at. I'm betting theoretically it all traces back to her father. BUT...when it comes to other people's things it's okay for her to do what she wants with it. Stuff constantly disappears from my room and gets used and most recently she hammered a nail into the frame of my mirror so she could hang something on it. I said something and her response was like "it's not like it doesn't have scratches on it already." UGH!!! My reaction after weeks of this neurotic bullshit was to take a huge nail and hammer it into the center of her coffee table. Luckily...I still have some restraint left.