(no subject)
Feeling down tonight....though I suppose that's almost every night. I think it's part hormones, part depression, part reality.
I just winced at the word "reality." Guess it verified that the pain is real.
Had a job interview today. Fourth Second one since I moved here. I blew one off and didn't go a few weeks back, and one the week before that. I just got it in my head they were too far away and bagged it. One my mother forgot about luckily, the other I had problems getting ready for and insisted to her that it was signs that I shouldn't go. She begrudgingly let me skip it without too much nagging and lecture. Supposedly "she won't nag me until I can no longer pay my bills." So that will be like....next week lol ugh.
I won't hear anything back about the interview until maybe the first week of January. While I'm relieved that they wouldn't try to make me start during the holidays...I'm kind of disappointed that I won't know. Would be a nice Christmas present to know that someone wants to hire me. And that I'll have a job and an income for the first time in...months. I don't even know if I'll get it. Because I'm so retarded lately...I acted kind of retarded during the interview. I did nail a couple things, but they of course said "we have a few more interviews we have to do before we can make any decisions." And I was all "No you don't, the position has been posted on Monster.com for months." Except...I didn't say that really. Oh well.
Things have been a little tougher than usual for many reasons. One of the stupidest reasons right now is that no guy wants me. No one is interested...no one is flirting with me...online or otherwise. For whatever reason that just always makes things a thousand times harder for me. I guess I really just feed off the idea of being wanted. Makes me all happy and content and excited to get up in the morning and come home at night. Otherwise I just feel like I get up everyday just so I can wait until my life is done and I can die.
Sorry if that's too dark for you. Just saying it's how I feel sometimes. I feel old and like I should almost be done having to work. I guess that also comes from the only contact I have all day long is with my parents who now getting old and retiring and such.
There is one guy who has kind of been flirting with me lately...but I'm completely not interested and he's mostly if not purely interested in sex. To be quite honest....already been there done that with him and ended up basically regretting it everyday since. One night stands are not for me. Especially ones where you're stupid enough to talk to the person a few days later.
Besides, I promised myself I wouldn't sleep with anyone casually...or that if I did decided on casual sex it would not be until I've lost another 20lbs. So, that guy is S.O.L. anyway.
Haven't been losing anything weight-wise. I think I was pretty lucky for a while and not gaining anything, but I think that finally stopped and I'm gaining. It's hard to weigh myself here because the floors are wood and therefore not even like at all. So the weight is all off on the scale when I stand on it. One weighs me 15lbs or so less than I am and the other one is...eh so so. Pretty close at least. But neither is accurate.
Ahhh! I closed the page and almost lost this whole entry. That goodness they added the autosave feature to their posting page. I should really type this sort of stuff up in Word or something, but I always feel less motivated when I do that. It's weird.
I guess I'll end this here for now. I'm sure I will write more soon.
I just winced at the word "reality." Guess it verified that the pain is real.
Had a job interview today. Fourth Second one since I moved here. I blew one off and didn't go a few weeks back, and one the week before that. I just got it in my head they were too far away and bagged it. One my mother forgot about luckily, the other I had problems getting ready for and insisted to her that it was signs that I shouldn't go. She begrudgingly let me skip it without too much nagging and lecture. Supposedly "she won't nag me until I can no longer pay my bills." So that will be like....next week lol ugh.
I won't hear anything back about the interview until maybe the first week of January. While I'm relieved that they wouldn't try to make me start during the holidays...I'm kind of disappointed that I won't know. Would be a nice Christmas present to know that someone wants to hire me. And that I'll have a job and an income for the first time in...months. I don't even know if I'll get it. Because I'm so retarded lately...I acted kind of retarded during the interview. I did nail a couple things, but they of course said "we have a few more interviews we have to do before we can make any decisions." And I was all "No you don't, the position has been posted on Monster.com for months." Except...I didn't say that really. Oh well.
Things have been a little tougher than usual for many reasons. One of the stupidest reasons right now is that no guy wants me. No one is interested...no one is flirting with me...online or otherwise. For whatever reason that just always makes things a thousand times harder for me. I guess I really just feed off the idea of being wanted. Makes me all happy and content and excited to get up in the morning and come home at night. Otherwise I just feel like I get up everyday just so I can wait until my life is done and I can die.
Sorry if that's too dark for you. Just saying it's how I feel sometimes. I feel old and like I should almost be done having to work. I guess that also comes from the only contact I have all day long is with my parents who now getting old and retiring and such.
There is one guy who has kind of been flirting with me lately...but I'm completely not interested and he's mostly if not purely interested in sex. To be quite honest....already been there done that with him and ended up basically regretting it everyday since. One night stands are not for me. Especially ones where you're stupid enough to talk to the person a few days later.
Besides, I promised myself I wouldn't sleep with anyone casually...or that if I did decided on casual sex it would not be until I've lost another 20lbs. So, that guy is S.O.L. anyway.
Haven't been losing anything weight-wise. I think I was pretty lucky for a while and not gaining anything, but I think that finally stopped and I'm gaining. It's hard to weigh myself here because the floors are wood and therefore not even like at all. So the weight is all off on the scale when I stand on it. One weighs me 15lbs or so less than I am and the other one is...eh so so. Pretty close at least. But neither is accurate.
Ahhh! I closed the page and almost lost this whole entry. That goodness they added the autosave feature to their posting page. I should really type this sort of stuff up in Word or something, but I always feel less motivated when I do that. It's weird.
I guess I'll end this here for now. I'm sure I will write more soon.