[eclecticmuses] was it loneliness that brought you here [broken and weak]
"Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It's wrong to feel the sharp sting of betrayal as Jim sends one of those looks - meant for her and her alone - to that new girl, Karen, who he worked with at the Stamford branch before the merger. She knows this; however, it does not stop Pam Beesly in any way from not feeling this deep stab of jealousy in her gut. Jim should be happy. She wants Jim to be happy and she's fully aware that it's completely irrational for her to feel this way when she's a happily married woman.
Except, she's not.
She had cold feet before the wedding and if it weren't for her parents and her best friend Angie from high school being there, she would have walked down the aisle the opposite way and pulled a Runaway Bride with a better performance than Julia Roberts could ever pull off.
She went through with it and every single day since then she can't bring herself to think about regret for marrying her high school sweetheart when - God - Jim had the worst timing ever. Pam does not allow herself to think about Good Timing because that inevitably leads to What Timing? They never really had a chance and now it is way way too late.
Being married to Roy isn't that bad. She's probably just nervous about being married, she thinks. Except she wasn't nervous until she came to work at Dunder-Mifflin over three years and met one Jim Halpert. He became her best friend in two seconds which was like a lifeline and blood supply flooding her veins directly to her beating heart.
Goddamn him.
She can still hear his words in her ears, echoing. I am in love with you.
She thinks that maybe she shouldn't have been so shocked. The immediate What? that flooded from her lips in an overwhelming bubble was purely guttural. She had known. And he had apologized but it didn't make things better. It didn't take back that he had said those words and that they were now out there and he couldn't in any way take them back.
She really needed him to take it back.
She was in love with Roy. She was engaged to Roy. She was definitely going to get married to Roy and he was telling her that he was in love with her with these tears in his eyes like she would crush him in every way possible if she said no. And there were no other words but no.
The worse thing was the kiss. The perfect kiss, with his lips finally against hers with no rush to pull away and how she gave in - anxiety building at the back of her tightening lungs. Her mouth covered his, she took and she gave herself away in that moment. The worst thing about that kiss is that despite how she told him that she was still going to marry Roy, the person she gave herself away to was him.
So, yeah, when she looks at him moving on, with her wedding band glistening in the dull florescent lights of the office, she feels like he's the one who's unfaithful.
It should have been her. But she doesn't allow herself to think about that.
Muse: Pam Beesly
Fandom: The Office
Word Count: 634
It's wrong to feel the sharp sting of betrayal as Jim sends one of those looks - meant for her and her alone - to that new girl, Karen, who he worked with at the Stamford branch before the merger. She knows this; however, it does not stop Pam Beesly in any way from not feeling this deep stab of jealousy in her gut. Jim should be happy. She wants Jim to be happy and she's fully aware that it's completely irrational for her to feel this way when she's a happily married woman.
Except, she's not.
She had cold feet before the wedding and if it weren't for her parents and her best friend Angie from high school being there, she would have walked down the aisle the opposite way and pulled a Runaway Bride with a better performance than Julia Roberts could ever pull off.
She went through with it and every single day since then she can't bring herself to think about regret for marrying her high school sweetheart when - God - Jim had the worst timing ever. Pam does not allow herself to think about Good Timing because that inevitably leads to What Timing? They never really had a chance and now it is way way too late.
Being married to Roy isn't that bad. She's probably just nervous about being married, she thinks. Except she wasn't nervous until she came to work at Dunder-Mifflin over three years and met one Jim Halpert. He became her best friend in two seconds which was like a lifeline and blood supply flooding her veins directly to her beating heart.
Goddamn him.
She can still hear his words in her ears, echoing. I am in love with you.
She thinks that maybe she shouldn't have been so shocked. The immediate What? that flooded from her lips in an overwhelming bubble was purely guttural. She had known. And he had apologized but it didn't make things better. It didn't take back that he had said those words and that they were now out there and he couldn't in any way take them back.
She really needed him to take it back.
She was in love with Roy. She was engaged to Roy. She was definitely going to get married to Roy and he was telling her that he was in love with her with these tears in his eyes like she would crush him in every way possible if she said no. And there were no other words but no.
The worse thing was the kiss. The perfect kiss, with his lips finally against hers with no rush to pull away and how she gave in - anxiety building at the back of her tightening lungs. Her mouth covered his, she took and she gave herself away in that moment. The worst thing about that kiss is that despite how she told him that she was still going to marry Roy, the person she gave herself away to was him.
So, yeah, when she looks at him moving on, with her wedding band glistening in the dull florescent lights of the office, she feels like he's the one who's unfaithful.
It should have been her. But she doesn't allow herself to think about that.
Muse: Pam Beesly
Fandom: The Office
Word Count: 634