An open letter to myself, or basically to anyone who can find themselves here
Through all these years, you've carried something you shouldn't have. Every year, the burden just keeps adding up; it gets heavier every time. Aren't you getting tired? I'm sure you are.
You've learned a lot about the arts, the languages, the sciences, but nothing seemed to help you when it comes to living your life the proper way. I'm sure you've felt like a total outcast most of the time because of how different you perceive things. They say it's because you're supposedly an artist; they say that it's a necessity for you to succeed in being one. But is it really?
You knew at the back of your mind that something is wrong; you did try to admit it, but it really doesn't get any better.
You see people around you as separate beings and that putting yourself in the same picture with them seemed so wrong. Self-pity swallows you alive every time, and you get frustrated every time something doesn't work out well. However, you don't really do anything about it. Reaching out to other people proved to be a difficult feat for you. It takes ten times the effort just to reach out to someone and trust them with who you are, so when the time comes when they break your trust, you dive back down to the ground -- the pain becomes unbearable. Cutting seemed to ease the pain, a little bit though. It's just that you're not good at expressing your thoughts aside from writing, which makes your situation even worse. All those emotions that you've kept inside would just suddenly burst, and you end up hurting yourself more than you should.
You thought about the sweetness of death, the bliss of not breathing anymore. Perhaps, ending it all would be so much better. You planned it all; you set things into place. In the end, however, you just couldn't do it because somewhere inside yourself, you knew you wanted a second chance.
If you could, please let everything go. Let go of the burdens you've gathered from the past, and see how life can be refreshing and peaceful. Choose to live (if a second or a third chance). It may be hard and painful, but what's important is that you're moving forward. Continue even if you have to crawl. Soon, you will be able to stand on your own two feet and walk on your own. Soon, it will not be too hard to trust someone. Soon, it will not be too terrifying to love yourself, to love someone.
Live on.
Sincerely,
the girl who decided to live after thinking about death
You've learned a lot about the arts, the languages, the sciences, but nothing seemed to help you when it comes to living your life the proper way. I'm sure you've felt like a total outcast most of the time because of how different you perceive things. They say it's because you're supposedly an artist; they say that it's a necessity for you to succeed in being one. But is it really?
You knew at the back of your mind that something is wrong; you did try to admit it, but it really doesn't get any better.
You see people around you as separate beings and that putting yourself in the same picture with them seemed so wrong. Self-pity swallows you alive every time, and you get frustrated every time something doesn't work out well. However, you don't really do anything about it. Reaching out to other people proved to be a difficult feat for you. It takes ten times the effort just to reach out to someone and trust them with who you are, so when the time comes when they break your trust, you dive back down to the ground -- the pain becomes unbearable. Cutting seemed to ease the pain, a little bit though. It's just that you're not good at expressing your thoughts aside from writing, which makes your situation even worse. All those emotions that you've kept inside would just suddenly burst, and you end up hurting yourself more than you should.
You thought about the sweetness of death, the bliss of not breathing anymore. Perhaps, ending it all would be so much better. You planned it all; you set things into place. In the end, however, you just couldn't do it because somewhere inside yourself, you knew you wanted a second chance.
If you could, please let everything go. Let go of the burdens you've gathered from the past, and see how life can be refreshing and peaceful. Choose to live (if a second or a third chance). It may be hard and painful, but what's important is that you're moving forward. Continue even if you have to crawl. Soon, you will be able to stand on your own two feet and walk on your own. Soon, it will not be too hard to trust someone. Soon, it will not be too terrifying to love yourself, to love someone.
Live on.
Sincerely,
the girl who decided to live after thinking about death