la la la
I haven't updated in a month or so, so I thought I would. I've debated it a couple times, but never got around to it. The only one who reads this is Hillary anyway (hi Hillary) and once my brother when she told him about it and then he waltzed up to me "OMG AMANDA I'M TELLIN DAD WUT U SED ABOUT HIIIIM HILLARY SAID I WAS MAKIN U DEPRESSED LOL OOPS"
I don't like being a loner. D: I have no best friend(s). Hillary is a close friend but at the same time, she's really not. We never talk about intimate things, we never talk at all really; and we never hang out. How can you classify someone you don't interact with a best friend? But when we do talk or interact, she's real nice and friendly and someone to tell what's on your mind. Unless it's about someone else, gossiping is bad in the first place, but when you tell Hillary, she's bound to tell the person what you said about them, albeit twisting the words a little. (Unintentionally, more than likely, but twisting words nontheless. )
Amanda isn't even classified as a true friend anymore, sorry cookie, but you're not, and I know you don't find me one of your good friends either.
She makes up relatively plausible excuses for not hanging out with me or talking to me, sure, but that's part of what is hurting her credibility. I at first thought she was just antisocial, but no, that isn't the case. She'll go out of her way to hang out with people she wants to like her. If she doesn't care either way if you like her or not, she won't ever invite you over, go out of her way to talk to you besides a simple "hi, how are you?" or even associate with you. If given a choice, she'll choose the one she wants to be associated with. (See gym, "nehemiah; samantha; Jenna; etc" ) I know that volleyball get's out at 5pm. Plenty of friend-hanging-out-time there. Then she and Hillary will conspire against me saying I guilt them. I'm not in fact "guilting" I'm pointing out the reality of the situation. If I tell them that "we never hang out" it's because we don't. It's not that I want to make them feel guilty and hang out with me. If I wanted to hang out with them I'd ask.
I'm finding that I've become a very negative person. I go through school bitterly, only truly friendly with people that I don't have a bias against. People like Arlene, Amy, Selah, any teacher, etc. I've begun to hate the inhabitants of the school. I don't know why. Probably because I'm jealous, in a way, of some of them. The others just because of how fake they are. (The "scene" girls like Kayla Faris and co, mick and his friends, matt brant and his friends, etc. ) I think I might hate some of them because I *am* a loner. They're all content with their cliques and never pay a bother towards me. Oh, there's Amanda Shook. Haven't talked to her in forever. Don't intend to. So I can't exactly go out of my way to make new friends unless I force attention unto myself.
When I say "force attention unto myself" I mean by 1) Doing something drastic like getting suspended or walking around naked or something, or 2) Moving away, and forcing attention in such a way; Hey we have a new kid, I wonder what they're like or what their name is... Quite frankly, I like the second option better but I can't move. According to my dad, who says he'd gladly move elsewhere with different circumstances, we can't afford to move.
I think my being poor also attributes to why I come off as such a boring person. The way I dress, what I have, etc. I don't feel I have enough money to be able to fully express myself. I want to get a job, but I can't imagine a job I'd be able to commit to. The only two being Forest City Foods or the public library or something. Everything else for one reason or the other I don't like.
My brother only serves to further alienate me from the comfort of my home. And the reason I was so upset with my friends befriending him was that 1) It strengthens the alienation further since they'll now have the option to side with him. (In example, the pen ink thing. I now have conclusive evidence that it was his fault, he didn't do it on purpose, but he did it. He refuses to admit it, but he did. Amanda, right in front of me, sided with him because I quote "Well, I believe him because I heard it from him first" All my friends see in my brother is how attractive I presume he is. I've heard it from other friends, not the one in question, but others. (omg ur bro is really cute, how old is he? ) That plays a factor in why they want him to like them. Because everyone likes to befriend the "beautiful people" . I still find him selfish, retarded, literally homosexual (he told me that the sweater, the green button up one, that I was wearing today was and I quote, "tacky") Justin, just because you have no sense of contemporary fashion, doesn't mean that everything that's different is bad. I told him that and he asked me, can you believe it, "what, are you trying to make people like you by dressing fashionably??" Ugh. he is irritating. My dad even exploded on him today asking him why he couldn't count on him anymore (adding that he wanted to shave him bald because his feminine hair was annoying him). Hah. Finally I'm not the one being targeted.
I rather want to participate in foreign exchange. There are plenty of places I want to go to but I've narrowed it down to the UK, Italy, France, and Japan. Japan would be the most accessible considering the available scholarships there. Teksen said that he paid 15k USD to come over here. Jeez. I looked at AFS's website and to the UK it'd cost app 7k not including the 500 dollar deposit and 75$ application fee. Italy and France are in that general vicinity. It costs app 10k to go to Japan. But there are two scholarships that I think I'd have a chance of being eligible for. Spending a year void of American culture and society might be nice for a change. Then again, i'd be trading it for a similar culture with snarkier vernacular if I chose the UK, or a flat out oddball society if I went to Japan (It's a pretty...er...different culture)I'd probably want to go to a Spanish country, Brazil, France, Italy, or Russia; seeing that it's harder to predict their cultures. (Not so much Spanish as much as france, italy or russia, limited resources on the internet seeing as none of the european, russian, or spanish countries have anime or videogames facilitating their intercultural boom and popularity on the internet. )
That's another thing! As of recent, I'm 10x more irritated by anime fankids (of the weeaboo variety), and yaoi fangirls (which includes fangirls that love gay "emo" boys. honestly darlings, you're no different than yaoi fangirls.) and the like. I can barely stand most emoticons anymore. Except for [xD][<3][O:] I use the rest like [^_^][x3] When I'm either trying to over-exaggerate my friendliness or just flat out trying to mock someone.
My grades in school are as follows.
US History: A
Gym: B
Algebra II: C+
Spanish II: A
English II: A
Biology: A
I cleaned my room today. Some of the members of my church had gone to see the musical one of the three show days (Our school did [Oliver!], I was a pickpocket. They named me Tony, wtf?) and went out of their way to tell me so, which was nice knowing someone noticed me. Some people, *cough* Levi,Mr Anderson *cough*, well, Murray just didn't remember if i'd actually gone up and taken something out of ians pocket, he'd recognised me in the musical itself. Levi as usual, didn't even know I was in it. (I talked to him after the show on Sat. and he felt the need to make conversation by pointing out that Arlene who was with us, was in the musical. He said he didn't even notice I was in it. D: ) Then to wrap up the night I watched America's most smartest model. rachel needs to get booted, VJ too. =[
I suppose I'm done for the night then.
Arrivederci.
Your Seduction Style: Au Natural
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.
What Kind of Seducer Are You?
(lol@irony)
I don't like being a loner. D: I have no best friend(s). Hillary is a close friend but at the same time, she's really not. We never talk about intimate things, we never talk at all really; and we never hang out. How can you classify someone you don't interact with a best friend? But when we do talk or interact, she's real nice and friendly and someone to tell what's on your mind. Unless it's about someone else, gossiping is bad in the first place, but when you tell Hillary, she's bound to tell the person what you said about them, albeit twisting the words a little. (Unintentionally, more than likely, but twisting words nontheless. )
Amanda isn't even classified as a true friend anymore, sorry cookie, but you're not, and I know you don't find me one of your good friends either.
She makes up relatively plausible excuses for not hanging out with me or talking to me, sure, but that's part of what is hurting her credibility. I at first thought she was just antisocial, but no, that isn't the case. She'll go out of her way to hang out with people she wants to like her. If she doesn't care either way if you like her or not, she won't ever invite you over, go out of her way to talk to you besides a simple "hi, how are you?" or even associate with you. If given a choice, she'll choose the one she wants to be associated with. (See gym, "nehemiah; samantha; Jenna; etc" ) I know that volleyball get's out at 5pm. Plenty of friend-hanging-out-time there. Then she and Hillary will conspire against me saying I guilt them. I'm not in fact "guilting" I'm pointing out the reality of the situation. If I tell them that "we never hang out" it's because we don't. It's not that I want to make them feel guilty and hang out with me. If I wanted to hang out with them I'd ask.
I'm finding that I've become a very negative person. I go through school bitterly, only truly friendly with people that I don't have a bias against. People like Arlene, Amy, Selah, any teacher, etc. I've begun to hate the inhabitants of the school. I don't know why. Probably because I'm jealous, in a way, of some of them. The others just because of how fake they are. (The "scene" girls like Kayla Faris and co, mick and his friends, matt brant and his friends, etc. ) I think I might hate some of them because I *am* a loner. They're all content with their cliques and never pay a bother towards me. Oh, there's Amanda Shook. Haven't talked to her in forever. Don't intend to. So I can't exactly go out of my way to make new friends unless I force attention unto myself.
When I say "force attention unto myself" I mean by 1) Doing something drastic like getting suspended or walking around naked or something, or 2) Moving away, and forcing attention in such a way; Hey we have a new kid, I wonder what they're like or what their name is... Quite frankly, I like the second option better but I can't move. According to my dad, who says he'd gladly move elsewhere with different circumstances, we can't afford to move.
I think my being poor also attributes to why I come off as such a boring person. The way I dress, what I have, etc. I don't feel I have enough money to be able to fully express myself. I want to get a job, but I can't imagine a job I'd be able to commit to. The only two being Forest City Foods or the public library or something. Everything else for one reason or the other I don't like.
My brother only serves to further alienate me from the comfort of my home. And the reason I was so upset with my friends befriending him was that 1) It strengthens the alienation further since they'll now have the option to side with him. (In example, the pen ink thing. I now have conclusive evidence that it was his fault, he didn't do it on purpose, but he did it. He refuses to admit it, but he did. Amanda, right in front of me, sided with him because I quote "Well, I believe him because I heard it from him first" All my friends see in my brother is how attractive I presume he is. I've heard it from other friends, not the one in question, but others. (omg ur bro is really cute, how old is he? ) That plays a factor in why they want him to like them. Because everyone likes to befriend the "beautiful people" . I still find him selfish, retarded, literally homosexual (he told me that the sweater, the green button up one, that I was wearing today was and I quote, "tacky") Justin, just because you have no sense of contemporary fashion, doesn't mean that everything that's different is bad. I told him that and he asked me, can you believe it, "what, are you trying to make people like you by dressing fashionably??" Ugh. he is irritating. My dad even exploded on him today asking him why he couldn't count on him anymore (adding that he wanted to shave him bald because his feminine hair was annoying him). Hah. Finally I'm not the one being targeted.
I rather want to participate in foreign exchange. There are plenty of places I want to go to but I've narrowed it down to the UK, Italy, France, and Japan. Japan would be the most accessible considering the available scholarships there. Teksen said that he paid 15k USD to come over here. Jeez. I looked at AFS's website and to the UK it'd cost app 7k not including the 500 dollar deposit and 75$ application fee. Italy and France are in that general vicinity. It costs app 10k to go to Japan. But there are two scholarships that I think I'd have a chance of being eligible for. Spending a year void of American culture and society might be nice for a change. Then again, i'd be trading it for a similar culture with snarkier vernacular if I chose the UK, or a flat out oddball society if I went to Japan (It's a pretty...er...different culture)I'd probably want to go to a Spanish country, Brazil, France, Italy, or Russia; seeing that it's harder to predict their cultures. (Not so much Spanish as much as france, italy or russia, limited resources on the internet seeing as none of the european, russian, or spanish countries have anime or videogames facilitating their intercultural boom and popularity on the internet. )
That's another thing! As of recent, I'm 10x more irritated by anime fankids (of the weeaboo variety), and yaoi fangirls (which includes fangirls that love gay "emo" boys. honestly darlings, you're no different than yaoi fangirls.) and the like. I can barely stand most emoticons anymore. Except for [xD][<3][O:] I use the rest like [^_^][x3] When I'm either trying to over-exaggerate my friendliness or just flat out trying to mock someone.
My grades in school are as follows.
US History: A
Gym: B
Algebra II: C+
Spanish II: A
English II: A
Biology: A
I cleaned my room today. Some of the members of my church had gone to see the musical one of the three show days (Our school did [Oliver!], I was a pickpocket. They named me Tony, wtf?) and went out of their way to tell me so, which was nice knowing someone noticed me. Some people, *cough* Levi,Mr Anderson *cough*, well, Murray just didn't remember if i'd actually gone up and taken something out of ians pocket, he'd recognised me in the musical itself. Levi as usual, didn't even know I was in it. (I talked to him after the show on Sat. and he felt the need to make conversation by pointing out that Arlene who was with us, was in the musical. He said he didn't even notice I was in it. D: ) Then to wrap up the night I watched America's most smartest model. rachel needs to get booted, VJ too. =[
I suppose I'm done for the night then.
Arrivederci.
Your Seduction Style: Au Natural
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.
What Kind of Seducer Are You?
(lol@irony)