Quitter

May 08, 2008 13:20

So I am a quitter. No more smoking. Jason's quit date was Thurs, May 1st. We made a deal through the weekend that he could smoke other things and I could stick to my cigarettes. So I am on Day Four of No Smoking.

Day Four sucks. Just like days one through three. I keep complaining. I am worried that the people at work are going to lynch me. I am bitchy and pissed off. I go home everyday with a migraine. I have no energy. Blah blah blah.

I am happy that Jason stopped smoking. Really, I am. His coughing was getting BAD.

I am fighting against quitting. Isn't that stupid?? I realized it today. I am railing against it. I am mad at Jason because he made the decision and I have to stick to it. (Nevermind that I told him that I would quit with him). I hate all the people who are still smoking. I am envious. I want to knock them down and steal their cigarettes. And I keep rationalizing it. That I could smoke for a little bit longer and then quit. That I need my OWN quit date because tacking myself onto Jason's date is just making me angrier at the world. I feel like I have to decide for myself that I am going to quit. But haven't I already? I never realized I was soooooo addicted. I can't go 10 minutes without thinking about it. When I am driving, I constantly have to convince myself not to drive and buy any. I know Jason will be hella angry if I back out. That's my #1 reason for not-not quitting. But then it just makes me angrier at Jason.

Poor Jason. Oh, and I am mad cause he has a "crutch" of pot. Melissa has nada. Of course, I am worried that my crutch will be chocolate and ice cream or maybe chocolate ice cream. It's unfair. Stop doing something that will kill you and gain 25 pounds. :( What kind of reward system is that?

On top of all this, work sucks. Early mornings. Late nights. Angry project managers. Angry managers, period. Corporate talking about "cleaning house."

Kill me now.
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