Geopolitics and Astrophysics
My mind seems to swerve between periods of dull, dreamy wankerism and swarming activity, with constantly springing thoughts about every little thing my brain can get hold of. Either way, it seems difficult for me to concentrate on a single thing at a time. Also, the past few days (or weeks) I've been feeling sleepy, physically and mentally weak, drained of energy. I'm trying to cram in a few hours of exercise a week, but I'm still not sure if I should seek professional attention. My blood analysis was correct, everything in order except for a bit of iron deficiency. So maybe it's my Vital Energy failing, or I'm eating the wrong type of food (more Yin, more Yang? more Water or Earth or Fire?), or I'm getting narcolepsy or something.
Plus, my head's immersed in the complex world of Asian geopolitics, and somehow now I'm reading articles and books I've never have picked up out of my own will half a year ago. For example this fascinating series of interactive articles about pollution in China:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2007/12/08/world/asia/choking_on_growth_7.html
Plus, I've learnt that my science teachers at high school were lying to me. Newton's theory of physics is bust. Has been so for more than 80 years. I do understand of course that nobody, much less a group of teenagers with little to no curiosity about the world can actually grasp Einstein's theory of relativity. (Belive me, I'm trying). But at least they should warn you: what we're teaching you is outdated. If you want to learn more about it, we can do a little section at the end of the course. Or something.
Sometimes I become aware of the brutal immensity of possibilities the world, this life, my life, offers, and how by choosing one thing all those possibilities get narrower and narrower. I could have been an inventor, a designer of energy-efficient transports. I could have been a soldier. I could have been a computer programmer, or some sort of computer technician, which would allow me to have a nice, well-paid job which I could use to have a flat of my own and some time to write my stuff. I'm beginning to see that studying a philology has made my mind work in a way which might not help me become a writer. I'm used to analysing texts, now, and in every text I read, and every text I write or am planning to write, I see connections, relations, and discussions about gender, politics, and other philosophical concepts of the theory of literature. I overanalyse too much. And it stops me from just saying what I want to say.
Apart from the fact that with the job and university, I've got practically no time to write. Anyway, I'm going to survive this semester and enjoy it as best as I can. Who said Chinese agriculture isn't a fascinating topic?
Plus, my head's immersed in the complex world of Asian geopolitics, and somehow now I'm reading articles and books I've never have picked up out of my own will half a year ago. For example this fascinating series of interactive articles about pollution in China:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2007/12/08/world/asia/choking_on_growth_7.html
Plus, I've learnt that my science teachers at high school were lying to me. Newton's theory of physics is bust. Has been so for more than 80 years. I do understand of course that nobody, much less a group of teenagers with little to no curiosity about the world can actually grasp Einstein's theory of relativity. (Belive me, I'm trying). But at least they should warn you: what we're teaching you is outdated. If you want to learn more about it, we can do a little section at the end of the course. Or something.
Sometimes I become aware of the brutal immensity of possibilities the world, this life, my life, offers, and how by choosing one thing all those possibilities get narrower and narrower. I could have been an inventor, a designer of energy-efficient transports. I could have been a soldier. I could have been a computer programmer, or some sort of computer technician, which would allow me to have a nice, well-paid job which I could use to have a flat of my own and some time to write my stuff. I'm beginning to see that studying a philology has made my mind work in a way which might not help me become a writer. I'm used to analysing texts, now, and in every text I read, and every text I write or am planning to write, I see connections, relations, and discussions about gender, politics, and other philosophical concepts of the theory of literature. I overanalyse too much. And it stops me from just saying what I want to say.
Apart from the fact that with the job and university, I've got practically no time to write. Anyway, I'm going to survive this semester and enjoy it as best as I can. Who said Chinese agriculture isn't a fascinating topic?