Okay, I'm going to write very slowly and carefully because I don't want to say anything stupid, but. I think you know, basically, what my knowledge of both fandoms is--cursory and imperfect (about X proper I know nearly nothing), but not quite blank-slate. Still, I think I'm enough of a stranger for your purposes?
First, I have to say, I know just enough Japanese to follow at least most of the stuff you were doing, and I loved it. I wouldn't dream of mentioning this if you hadn't asked for corrections, but I know the Japanese word usually used for cell phone isn't denwa... I'm fairly certain it's keitai, and believe me I am searching my textbooks for it like crazy, if I find out I'm mistaken I'll definitely correct myself--and, of course, you may have had your reasons. And it is only what I was taught, after all, but usually the professors here are pretty up-to-date about what's going on in the language.
So, that out of the way. Was it affecting? Yes. Absolutely yes. And grippingly suspenseful to boot. And I knew before I got to the disclaimer that you'd researched the hell out of this one, and I loved that. I do feel, though, that it packs more of a punch the more familiar you are with the fandoms--I wouldn't have felt quite so much pain in Subaru's general direction if I hadn't known at least a little about him, and all those references to David's hand would have just flown over my head, not given me a surreptitious roundhouse kick to the gut. But when David said that line about how in America "this guy I know" usually means you're talking about yourself and Subaru just looked at him--well, I have no idea what the canon ramifications of David's statement are, and it almost affected me the more for it, that I was sensing on some level it was true but was flying blind as to specifically how or where.
I don't mean to draw the focus away from this fic specifically, but I think a lot of fanfiction can be read blind and still be affecting. I read Luc Court's stuff blind all the time, because I love his style and he tends to create worlds so fully and add so much detail that even if you can't tell what's going on it sounds fantastic. I read a lot of your stuff that I'm unfamiliar with if a) it's a fandom I know I'll never get into or b) there aren't spoilers, because I know I'm going to get a consistent level of quality no matter the fandom and there's always that part of your fics that isn't context-dependent, that's just you trying to say something with this story. And I often wish my fics could be read by people who know absolutely nothing about the fandom, just to see how they react to a character when they've never seen him/her before, what changes when they see x character/setting/plot point from a different angle first. It's something that continues to really fascinate me.
Sorry for babbling! I hope that was helpful. If I didn't address something you're particularly curious about, I'd be more than happy to.
Erm, technically, she did use the correct verb for "to make a phone call". I asked my Japanese teacher about this, and she said that it also applies to cell phones. Plus, it would look like that in the te-kudasai form, which is asking permission.
[/Japanese gakusee]
Also, fucking AWESOME story. I don't know either fandom really well, but I loved the sheer creepiness of this, and the juxtaposition of all the cultures. LOVE.
Yeah, I learned that denwa was appropriate as well, the same way some people here say 'cel' and other say 'phone' and 'telephone' still applies, etc. So.
CRAP. keitai. I was taught that denwa is okay, and can justify my use of it by 1, Subaru presenting himself as a lot old-fashioned, and 2, the den kanji, which has some relevance to Gale, but I might change it back in a later draft of this fic.
That said, thank you so much for such a critical reading! You are awesome.
The language working for you makes me happy. A lot of the choices were deliberately skewed--the specific word that Subaru used for blackout, for instance, the level of his keigo, and the different ways all the Japanese characters used English--so that it was easy to follow, and more importantly FUN to follow, is a relief.
It was suggested to me yesterday, and I'm beginning to wonder if a screenplay--during which there could be silent flashbacks and superimpositions and nods at things past--might be the more accessible "original" format for something like this. Your observations tend to point in that direction. And I'm glad that Gale crossing the line with that dig resonated even without knowing what, precisely, was the truth.
As for the "drawing the focus away from the fic" part, also, thank you:
"there's always that part of your fics that isn't context-dependent, that's just you trying to say something with this story"
A lot of me is worried about just that; there is a lot of 'HERE THERE BE AUTHOR' in me, lately, and it's an aspect of my work that I actually like--but that I feel kind of come down upon for, sometimes. So when you cite it as something you like, it's actually a comfort.
(I will try to read more of your fic in fandoms I do not know. ::smiles::.)
First, I have to say, I know just enough Japanese to follow at least most of the stuff you were doing, and I loved it. I wouldn't dream of mentioning this if you hadn't asked for corrections, but I know the Japanese word usually used for cell phone isn't denwa... I'm fairly certain it's keitai, and believe me I am searching my textbooks for it like crazy, if I find out I'm mistaken I'll definitely correct myself--and, of course, you may have had your reasons. And it is only what I was taught, after all, but usually the professors here are pretty up-to-date about what's going on in the language.
So, that out of the way. Was it affecting? Yes. Absolutely yes. And grippingly suspenseful to boot. And I knew before I got to the disclaimer that you'd researched the hell out of this one, and I loved that. I do feel, though, that it packs more of a punch the more familiar you are with the fandoms--I wouldn't have felt quite so much pain in Subaru's general direction if I hadn't known at least a little about him, and all those references to David's hand would have just flown over my head, not given me a surreptitious roundhouse kick to the gut. But when David said that line about how in America "this guy I know" usually means you're talking about yourself and Subaru just looked at him--well, I have no idea what the canon ramifications of David's statement are, and it almost affected me the more for it, that I was sensing on some level it was true but was flying blind as to specifically how or where.
I don't mean to draw the focus away from this fic specifically, but I think a lot of fanfiction can be read blind and still be affecting. I read Luc Court's stuff blind all the time, because I love his style and he tends to create worlds so fully and add so much detail that even if you can't tell what's going on it sounds fantastic. I read a lot of your stuff that I'm unfamiliar with if a) it's a fandom I know I'll never get into or b) there aren't spoilers, because I know I'm going to get a consistent level of quality no matter the fandom and there's always that part of your fics that isn't context-dependent, that's just you trying to say something with this story. And I often wish my fics could be read by people who know absolutely nothing about the fandom, just to see how they react to a character when they've never seen him/her before, what changes when they see x character/setting/plot point from a different angle first. It's something that continues to really fascinate me.
Sorry for babbling! I hope that was helpful. If I didn't address something you're particularly curious about, I'd be more than happy to.
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[/Japanese gakusee]
Also, fucking AWESOME story. I don't know either fandom really well, but I loved the sheer creepiness of this, and the juxtaposition of all the cultures. LOVE.
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Yeah, I learned that denwa was appropriate as well, the same way some people here say 'cel' and other say 'phone' and 'telephone' still applies, etc. So.
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That said, thank you so much for such a critical reading! You are awesome.
The language working for you makes me happy. A lot of the choices were deliberately skewed--the specific word that Subaru used for blackout, for instance, the level of his keigo, and the different ways all the Japanese characters used English--so that it was easy to follow, and more importantly FUN to follow, is a relief.
It was suggested to me yesterday, and I'm beginning to wonder if a screenplay--during which there could be silent flashbacks and superimpositions and nods at things past--might be the more accessible "original" format for something like this. Your observations tend to point in that direction. And I'm glad that Gale crossing the line with that dig resonated even without knowing what, precisely, was the truth.
As for the "drawing the focus away from the fic" part, also, thank you:
"there's always that part of your fics that isn't context-dependent, that's just you trying to say something with this story"
A lot of me is worried about just that; there is a lot of 'HERE THERE BE AUTHOR' in me, lately, and it's an aspect of my work that I actually like--but that I feel kind of come down upon for, sometimes. So when you cite it as something you like, it's actually a comfort.
(I will try to read more of your fic in fandoms I do not know. ::smiles::.)
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