1. I don't know Tokyo Babylon/X at all (though now I want to), and I only know DDS partially. Nevertheless, this was absorbing, at times frightening, and continuously fascinating. I think it could work quite well as original fiction. I certainly read it that way.
2. The juxtaposition of the Italian/Madame Butterfly and Subaru's Japanese exorcism is striking in an almost -- visual way. I know it's supposed to function as an auditory image, but for me it was an auditory image that worked visually; the text bleeding into itself and clashing. It was visceral and quite disconcerting, which I say with the highest of compliments.
3. You have some purely amazing turns of phrase. A machine's way of processing repentance. That's going to stick with me
( ... )
Oh my god I am glowing so much right now. Boots will vouch for it. This was the kind of response I'd hoped for since working my way through the damned thing--it's eaten me for four days and nights--and to see that you, well, get it is a big honking weight off my shoulders.
1) So that's a vote in the original direction~
2) I actually did hope that it would feel like the merging of words into actions, the intertwining of the ringtone with the mantra as paralleling the light and the smoke, etc. So glad it worked for you.
3) ::blush::
4) At some point, this thing became about the culture clash, and yes, poor David throughout. He's...on a precipice, let us say.
*grins!* I am very pleased to be (proverbially) the bearer of good news, then.
1. Yes, yes it is.
2. It absolutely did. That whole section, actually -- I could see it.
4/5. The culture clash is what makes it work. Because no one is in a safe cultural space, not even the spirit. Everything is problematized by the constant presence of some kind of other.
Neither of them is at home in this world, and by this world I mean the status quo of Earth. This is, perhaps, the closest to activist writing I have gotten since...Hojo's bit, in chapter nine of DHC.
Could it work as original fiction? Absolutely. Hell, I'd read it in a heartbeat.
Of course, knowing the fandoms in question does make certain parts of the fic jump out (like the Cyber Shaman line, the hints of Gale in David, and Cuvier, whose sharpness is excellent) -- then again, I think that's an essential feature of your writing: there are images and phrases and words that really pop as I read them and make me evaluate what went before in a whole new light.
I love all the juxtaposition and conflict going on here: logic versus intuition/mysticism, the America-Japan culture clash (and Madama Butterfly really is perfect for that), Subaru's formality and Gale's -- not-so-formal demeanor, Subaru's clashing eyes. On a related note, I love how strong the images of eyes and whiteness are here; I kept on thinking of white as the color of death, for which I blame some of my recent reading material, but hey, it works.
So yes. This is fantastic. Brings out the themes present in both canons, and does it damned well.
::smiles:: Hearing your reaction on the flyby made me grin like few other things in this world can make me grin.
White as the color of death is rampant in this, yes, and thank you so much for grokking Madama Butterfly. If anything, one piece sheds light on the other. "A shrine to a fictional character (who commits suicide because of her perceived uselessness and ineffectuality and love of a bastard, why hello there wrong-eyes), in an anti-American opera (a critique-of-Americans short story), set in Japan, written by an Italian (or at least an opera fangirl)." Also, recontextualizing Un Bel Di is always fun.
An appended epilogue:mithrigilMarch 16 2008, 05:00:10 UTC
2022.10.29
14:03
“I see,” Subaru says, shifting his gloves. “I offer my condolences.”
“It was years ago,” Angel says. “But thank you.” Angel wears gloves as well, all white like the rest of the laboratory garb. There’s a chain around her neck and a ring dangling from it. Gale-san’s spirit could be in there, but it’s not-only Angel’s want. The shikifuku of another faith, Subaru thinks, and dispels the thought. “But David told me about you, when he…well, before. And when we started encountering problems in the God Project, I remembered
( ... )
--and another.mithrigilMarch 16 2008, 05:29:16 UTC
14:22
“Lost?”
He sounds like Fuma but not stable, not crass, and there are already enough ghosts here, enough tangling ambition and warped protection and “-Yes,” Subaru answers, pressing off the wall and turning around.
The low-not old but still worn, tattered-voice comes from a young man, wearing rich red and tan under his lab coat. That red seems somehow right; the gold that makes up the rest of his features seems wrong. “Trying to get in or out?”
“Out.” Subaru takes down his sunglasses, hears his fingers squeaking on the inside surface of his gloves. “I am sorry to-impose.”
“Come on,” the young man says, cocking his head to indicate the direction before he turns, leading Subaru back the way he’d come. “Sometimes I think these halls are out to get me.”
Subaru has to catch up; it’s not just that he’s-something-but the man doesn’t slow down, though he isn’t inconsiderate. It’s been months since Subaru thought he needed a cigarette. He does, now
( ... )
Okay, I'm going to write very slowly and carefully because I don't want to say anything stupid, but. I think you know, basically, what my knowledge of both fandoms is--cursory and imperfect (about X proper I know nearly nothing), but not quite blank-slate. Still, I think I'm enough of a stranger for your purposes?
First, I have to say, I know just enough Japanese to follow at least most of the stuff you were doing, and I loved it. I wouldn't dream of mentioning this if you hadn't asked for corrections, but I know the Japanese word usually used for cell phone isn't denwa... I'm fairly certain it's keitai, and believe me I am searching my textbooks for it like crazy, if I find out I'm mistaken I'll definitely correct myself--and, of course, you may have had your reasons. And it is only what I was taught, after all, but usually the professors here are pretty up-to-date about what's going on in the language
( ... )
Erm, technically, she did use the correct verb for "to make a phone call". I asked my Japanese teacher about this, and she said that it also applies to cell phones. Plus, it would look like that in the te-kudasai form, which is asking permission.
[/Japanese gakusee]
Also, fucking AWESOME story. I don't know either fandom really well, but I loved the sheer creepiness of this, and the juxtaposition of all the cultures. LOVE.
Yeah, I learned that denwa was appropriate as well, the same way some people here say 'cel' and other say 'phone' and 'telephone' still applies, etc. So.
I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I LOVE the way you write. Your abundant creativity really amazes me. I really don't know what else to say. Your imagery is wonderful, and everything just flows. I really loved this.
::bluuuuuuush:: Thank you, and thanks also for getting through something this...big and convoluted? Heh. ::smile:: I loved mixing the world and the words.
Thought I'd hang back and let everyone else rush to this one first, heh. Having been such a hardass on this story, I should weigh in on the finished product.
This is fun, and fun with friction. Two solid main characters. Tight, motivated story with great direction and whose themes are products of the plot, not the other way around; the narrative strength ends up being just as strong as the thematic strength. Vivid imagery, memorable dialogue, settings and objects with actual pulses. Statements about the real world that don't lack for teeth. And the wordplay I was so crass with isn't so jarring once you realize knowing what's being said isn't the point so much as looking at how these languages are being used, especially in comparison to one another
( ... )
When I first read your statement about grokking the wordplay, finally, I jumped up and yelled "YES, YES, he got it." And it worries me when you, who know me like no one else does, don't get something that I feel I've poured, well, that "where my heart should be" into. You know, so much of what I write is an apology for humanity. It really hits home, with this. And I think it needed to play on the thing itself.
This is one of the most heartwarming and resolute things I have written, ever, I think. Not a single asshole in the cast; two fundamentally decent men butting heads over a language barrier; present evil dispelled and an understanding come to and David goes back to America to make a difference. But on the other hand, and you caught this, the victory and the resolution shows just how much there is to overcome.
One of the reasons for my not taking this as original right off the bat is just what it means to marry these canons. The reason I'm falling for Tokyo Babylon is its regret for and
( ... )
Comments 37
2. The juxtaposition of the Italian/Madame Butterfly and Subaru's Japanese exorcism is striking in an almost -- visual way. I know it's supposed to function as an auditory image, but for me it was an auditory image that worked visually; the text bleeding into itself and clashing. It was visceral and quite disconcerting, which I say with the highest of compliments.
3. You have some purely amazing turns of phrase. A machine's way of processing repentance. That's going to stick with me ( ... )
Reply
Oh my god I am glowing so much right now. Boots will vouch for it. This was the kind of response I'd hoped for since working my way through the damned thing--it's eaten me for four days and nights--and to see that you, well, get it is a big honking weight off my shoulders.
1) So that's a vote in the original direction~
2) I actually did hope that it would feel like the merging of words into actions, the intertwining of the ringtone with the mantra as paralleling the light and the smoke, etc. So glad it worked for you.
3) ::blush::
4) At some point, this thing became about the culture clash, and yes, poor David throughout. He's...on a precipice, let us say.
5) Thank you. So very gosh darn much.
Reply
1. Yes, yes it is.
2. It absolutely did. That whole section, actually -- I could see it.
4/5. The culture clash is what makes it work. Because no one is in a safe cultural space, not even the spirit. Everything is problematized by the constant presence of some kind of other.
Reply
Reply
Could it work as original fiction? Absolutely. Hell, I'd read it in a heartbeat.
Of course, knowing the fandoms in question does make certain parts of the fic jump out (like the Cyber Shaman line, the hints of Gale in David, and Cuvier, whose sharpness is excellent) -- then again, I think that's an essential feature of your writing: there are images and phrases and words that really pop as I read them and make me evaluate what went before in a whole new light.
I love all the juxtaposition and conflict going on here: logic versus intuition/mysticism, the America-Japan culture clash (and Madama Butterfly really is perfect for that), Subaru's formality and Gale's -- not-so-formal demeanor, Subaru's clashing eyes. On a related note, I love how strong the images of eyes and whiteness are here; I kept on thinking of white as the color of death, for which I blame some of my recent reading material, but hey, it works.
So yes. This is fantastic. Brings out the themes present in both canons, and does it damned well.
Reply
White as the color of death is rampant in this, yes, and thank you so much for grokking Madama Butterfly. If anything, one piece sheds light on the other. "A shrine to a fictional character (who commits suicide because of her perceived uselessness and ineffectuality and love of a bastard, why hello there wrong-eyes), in an anti-American opera (a critique-of-Americans short story), set in Japan, written by an Italian (or at least an opera fangirl)." Also, recontextualizing Un Bel Di is always fun.
Reply
14:03
“I see,” Subaru says, shifting his gloves. “I offer my condolences.”
“It was years ago,” Angel says. “But thank you.” Angel wears gloves as well, all white like the rest of the laboratory garb. There’s a chain around her neck and a ring dangling from it. Gale-san’s spirit could be in there, but it’s not-only Angel’s want. The shikifuku of another faith, Subaru thinks, and dispels the thought. “But David told me about you, when he…well, before. And when we started encountering problems in the God Project, I remembered ( ... )
Reply
“Lost?”
He sounds like Fuma but not stable, not crass, and there are already enough ghosts here, enough tangling ambition and warped protection and “-Yes,” Subaru answers, pressing off the wall and turning around.
The low-not old but still worn, tattered-voice comes from a young man, wearing rich red and tan under his lab coat. That red seems somehow right; the gold that makes up the rest of his features seems wrong. “Trying to get in or out?”
“Out.” Subaru takes down his sunglasses, hears his fingers squeaking on the inside surface of his gloves. “I am sorry to-impose.”
“Come on,” the young man says, cocking his head to indicate the direction before he turns, leading Subaru back the way he’d come. “Sometimes I think these halls are out to get me.”
Subaru has to catch up; it’s not just that he’s-something-but the man doesn’t slow down, though he isn’t inconsiderate. It’s been months since Subaru thought he needed a cigarette. He does, now ( ... )
Reply
First, I have to say, I know just enough Japanese to follow at least most of the stuff you were doing, and I loved it. I wouldn't dream of mentioning this if you hadn't asked for corrections, but I know the Japanese word usually used for cell phone isn't denwa... I'm fairly certain it's keitai, and believe me I am searching my textbooks for it like crazy, if I find out I'm mistaken I'll definitely correct myself--and, of course, you may have had your reasons. And it is only what I was taught, after all, but usually the professors here are pretty up-to-date about what's going on in the language ( ... )
Reply
[/Japanese gakusee]
Also, fucking AWESOME story. I don't know either fandom really well, but I loved the sheer creepiness of this, and the juxtaposition of all the cultures. LOVE.
Reply
Yeah, I learned that denwa was appropriate as well, the same way some people here say 'cel' and other say 'phone' and 'telephone' still applies, etc. So.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
This is fun, and fun with friction. Two solid main characters. Tight, motivated story with great direction and whose themes are products of the plot, not the other way around; the narrative strength ends up being just as strong as the thematic strength. Vivid imagery, memorable dialogue, settings and objects with actual pulses. Statements about the real world that don't lack for teeth. And the wordplay I was so crass with isn't so jarring once you realize knowing what's being said isn't the point so much as looking at how these languages are being used, especially in comparison to one another ( ... )
Reply
So it worked out in the end. ::grins::
When I first read your statement about grokking the wordplay, finally, I jumped up and yelled "YES, YES, he got it." And it worries me when you, who know me like no one else does, don't get something that I feel I've poured, well, that "where my heart should be" into. You know, so much of what I write is an apology for humanity. It really hits home, with this. And I think it needed to play on the thing itself.
This is one of the most heartwarming and resolute things I have written, ever, I think. Not a single asshole in the cast; two fundamentally decent men butting heads over a language barrier; present evil dispelled and an understanding come to and David goes back to America to make a difference. But on the other hand, and you caught this, the victory and the resolution shows just how much there is to overcome.
One of the reasons for my not taking this as original right off the bat is just what it means to marry these canons. The reason I'm falling for Tokyo Babylon is its regret for and ( ... )
Reply
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