(no subject)
I haven't updated in almost two years. Fuck.
I really had the urge to update today, because quite frankly, I feel that I don't have many other outlets to vent anymore.
I don't like venting real issues on Facebook. It just seems I need to watch my words carefully on that site... & many others.
I started a new job back in January because frankly, my old job was dissolved. Fine. Whatever. At first this job seemed like the opportunity I was looking for. I was excelling every day & getting praised up & down for my competency. I finally felt like I was being appreciated for my talents.
Two months in, I already started to change my mind. The work itself didn't change at all, but my opinions of my coworkers started to shift. I started to see that this place is not really work, but moreso a day care/labor camp. I am apparently supposed to work seven hours (with a one hour lunch) without talking to anyone, without food/water at my desk...basically without acknowledging the existence of others around me. At first i found this absurd, but then I started to get to know my coworkers.
All everybody does there is bitch & moan. It is incredibly tiresome. I work with some of the most miserable people I have ever met. If these people are not complaining, they can't function. It's disgusting. They complain about the work (which is the same every day), about the computers (which happens to everyone) & of course how "wonderful" their families are. Nearly everyone I work with makes it seems like their whole social circle would fall apart if they took a day out from their oh so busy lives of not caring. I honestly don't think of myself as a negative person (anymore), but these people are turning me into a creature I never wanted to see again.
Yesterday was unfortunately one of the worst days ive had in a while. It really proved to me how much stress has an affect on me physically and mentally. I was nauseated the entire day, from about a half hour before I went into work. It didn't stop until about 6:30 p.m., after a crying fit & copious hugs from my fiancee. To make matters even worse, I was very disassociated the entire afternoon. I couldn't remember who I was and/or where i was. I would forget what I was supposed to be doing & why. It was so frustrating because apparently i worked faster than i have in a long time, but it was such a blur I couldn't tell you one thing I did. It was frightening. I haven't felt disassociation this bad since I was a teenager.
The worst part is my sleeping is severely suffering - which makes everything even worse. I allot 8 - 9 hours every night for sleep & i'm lucky if I stay asleep the entire night. I find myself waking up at least three times on a good night. Most nights I know I am awake roughly five times, if not more. On the weekends, it doesn't get any better. I try to let myself sleep for as long as I can, or at least relax in bed...but still, nothing works. I've tried many different ways to relax myself completely before bed time & it seems to work...I go to bed feeling relatively relaxed...unfortunately my body still takes over & I lack sleep.
I hate saying "I swear I'm not an angry person, but..." I keep hearing myself say it more & more. The search for a new job is on yet again, but unfortunately unsuccessful thus far. At this point, I feel like I would be happier working in fast food than at this place. Fuck, slinging garbage would be less stressful than this right now. But unfortunately, I cant lift 50 pounds over my head at this point...
I really had the urge to update today, because quite frankly, I feel that I don't have many other outlets to vent anymore.
I don't like venting real issues on Facebook. It just seems I need to watch my words carefully on that site... & many others.
I started a new job back in January because frankly, my old job was dissolved. Fine. Whatever. At first this job seemed like the opportunity I was looking for. I was excelling every day & getting praised up & down for my competency. I finally felt like I was being appreciated for my talents.
Two months in, I already started to change my mind. The work itself didn't change at all, but my opinions of my coworkers started to shift. I started to see that this place is not really work, but moreso a day care/labor camp. I am apparently supposed to work seven hours (with a one hour lunch) without talking to anyone, without food/water at my desk...basically without acknowledging the existence of others around me. At first i found this absurd, but then I started to get to know my coworkers.
All everybody does there is bitch & moan. It is incredibly tiresome. I work with some of the most miserable people I have ever met. If these people are not complaining, they can't function. It's disgusting. They complain about the work (which is the same every day), about the computers (which happens to everyone) & of course how "wonderful" their families are. Nearly everyone I work with makes it seems like their whole social circle would fall apart if they took a day out from their oh so busy lives of not caring. I honestly don't think of myself as a negative person (anymore), but these people are turning me into a creature I never wanted to see again.
Yesterday was unfortunately one of the worst days ive had in a while. It really proved to me how much stress has an affect on me physically and mentally. I was nauseated the entire day, from about a half hour before I went into work. It didn't stop until about 6:30 p.m., after a crying fit & copious hugs from my fiancee. To make matters even worse, I was very disassociated the entire afternoon. I couldn't remember who I was and/or where i was. I would forget what I was supposed to be doing & why. It was so frustrating because apparently i worked faster than i have in a long time, but it was such a blur I couldn't tell you one thing I did. It was frightening. I haven't felt disassociation this bad since I was a teenager.
The worst part is my sleeping is severely suffering - which makes everything even worse. I allot 8 - 9 hours every night for sleep & i'm lucky if I stay asleep the entire night. I find myself waking up at least three times on a good night. Most nights I know I am awake roughly five times, if not more. On the weekends, it doesn't get any better. I try to let myself sleep for as long as I can, or at least relax in bed...but still, nothing works. I've tried many different ways to relax myself completely before bed time & it seems to work...I go to bed feeling relatively relaxed...unfortunately my body still takes over & I lack sleep.
I hate saying "I swear I'm not an angry person, but..." I keep hearing myself say it more & more. The search for a new job is on yet again, but unfortunately unsuccessful thus far. At this point, I feel like I would be happier working in fast food than at this place. Fuck, slinging garbage would be less stressful than this right now. But unfortunately, I cant lift 50 pounds over my head at this point...