The boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same way as me. I don't mean to doubt him but if you know what our relationship has been through, I have all the right reasons to. It is just the simple things that make me wonder lately and I wonder if it is even worth my time. I'm not trying to determine whether or not I want to be with him because I know I do. It is just hard when sometimes I feel like it isn't right, or maybe its not meant to be and I'm pushing myself and pushing our relationship when it wasn't suppose to be that way in the first place.
Last night, after a 12 hour shift I came home and had some dinner. I was exhausted from my long day and he said he would come over to see me later on that night. At this point it was already 10:30pm when I got home. I know he has been helping his parents out at their new bookstore all day and was at his aunt's house for dinner. The thing that bothers me is that everytime he tells me that he's coming over to see me I get really excited because I always miss him so much. I came home and I waited downstairs for him to come over and watched some TV. He was on his way home to get changed before he came over after his long day of hard labor of help building bookshelves, etc for the new store. I waited a little over an hour before I got a text from him saying he won't be coming over because it was late and he was just going to go to sleep when he got home.
I completely understand that he must be tired as well. I'm not trying to force him to come see me. I was completely fine with him not coming over. I just hate it when he tells me he's going to do something and not follow through. Is it really that hard? I mean if he was tired he should have told me in the first place so I wouldn't have waited and could've gone to sleep myself because I have had a long day. In fact, a longer day than his but I guess mine doesn't consist of hard labor. He does this all the time...and it bothers me so much. I'm fine with not seeing him but for me to wait after my long day of work and how exhausted I am, he would have just saved us both time by just telling me ahead of time. I have already expressed to him that it bothers me. He already knows he does it all the time, yet it never changes. Why? Is it because he doesn't want to change it? Why wouldn't you want to change something like that, it doesn't benefit anyone by keeping things the way they are. It just gets me more upset and more dissapointed every single time it happens.
So many nights have I made that extra effort to keep myself awake and make the effort to spend time with him. So many times have I slept for less than 3 hours and worked a 12-14hr shift yet would still make the effort to see and spend time with him. How come I don't get the time and effort back? Is it because he doesn't care as much as I do? I sacrifice my time, my sleep, and my money for him all the time. He doesn't have a freaking job so I have been paying a lot everytime we go out. Money is not a real big issue because I know he's not using me or taking advantage of it. I know that one day he will get me back for all the times I have paid. But he also knows I have set goals for myself and the reason why I work so much recently is because I need that money to get where I want to be. I just don't see the appreciation of all the effort I have tried to put into our relationship regardless of what he did to me in the past. I just don't see the appreciation, time and effort from him.
I know this is something SO MINUTE that I'm trippin over but I can't help it. Maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion and it's really not a a big deal as I have been making it out to be. Things have been A LOT worst...so maybe I'm the one that needs to appreciate the fact that things aren't any worst.
Last night, after a 12 hour shift I came home and had some dinner. I was exhausted from my long day and he said he would come over to see me later on that night. At this point it was already 10:30pm when I got home. I know he has been helping his parents out at their new bookstore all day and was at his aunt's house for dinner. The thing that bothers me is that everytime he tells me that he's coming over to see me I get really excited because I always miss him so much. I came home and I waited downstairs for him to come over and watched some TV. He was on his way home to get changed before he came over after his long day of hard labor of help building bookshelves, etc for the new store. I waited a little over an hour before I got a text from him saying he won't be coming over because it was late and he was just going to go to sleep when he got home.
I completely understand that he must be tired as well. I'm not trying to force him to come see me. I was completely fine with him not coming over. I just hate it when he tells me he's going to do something and not follow through. Is it really that hard? I mean if he was tired he should have told me in the first place so I wouldn't have waited and could've gone to sleep myself because I have had a long day. In fact, a longer day than his but I guess mine doesn't consist of hard labor. He does this all the time...and it bothers me so much. I'm fine with not seeing him but for me to wait after my long day of work and how exhausted I am, he would have just saved us both time by just telling me ahead of time. I have already expressed to him that it bothers me. He already knows he does it all the time, yet it never changes. Why? Is it because he doesn't want to change it? Why wouldn't you want to change something like that, it doesn't benefit anyone by keeping things the way they are. It just gets me more upset and more dissapointed every single time it happens.
So many nights have I made that extra effort to keep myself awake and make the effort to spend time with him. So many times have I slept for less than 3 hours and worked a 12-14hr shift yet would still make the effort to see and spend time with him. How come I don't get the time and effort back? Is it because he doesn't care as much as I do? I sacrifice my time, my sleep, and my money for him all the time. He doesn't have a freaking job so I have been paying a lot everytime we go out. Money is not a real big issue because I know he's not using me or taking advantage of it. I know that one day he will get me back for all the times I have paid. But he also knows I have set goals for myself and the reason why I work so much recently is because I need that money to get where I want to be. I just don't see the appreciation of all the effort I have tried to put into our relationship regardless of what he did to me in the past. I just don't see the appreciation, time and effort from him.
I know this is something SO MINUTE that I'm trippin over but I can't help it. Maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion and it's really not a a big deal as I have been making it out to be. Things have been A LOT worst...so maybe I'm the one that needs to appreciate the fact that things aren't any worst.