Cognitive Choice
Cognition has always been a major and very important part of my participation in and view of the world around me. Unfortunately, however, it never properly assisted me in the field of choice.
After all, cognition and choice go hand-in-hand in governing any human vitality and - if one of the hands does not hold the other tightly enough or lets go completely - it has a hard time walking a straight line or veers off of it altogether. My own personal vitality, in its short length thus far, should have long since been picked up by a cop for jogging in zigzags down a freeway. Sure, nobody is perfect and that is a good thing. People's imperfections are what make them unique. But if there is a higher power of some kind, and they for some reason choose to keep a folder of every single person's mistakes; mine would have their own filing cabinet.
As of now I have been out of school for five years and out of work for roughly one of them (decided to take off one month, but a recession hit and turned it into fourteen). I spent - no, wasted the time racking up debts, alienating my friends and dating the wrong people. My childhood was not the worst but still far from the best, so I was almost expectantly diagnosed with Clinical Depression before so much as my middle school graduation, but all the necessary steps of medication and therapy were taken to pause and eliminate it. Naturally it never crossed my mind that all I really did was stifle it so far into the back of my mind, that I inadvertently embedded it deeply enough into my subconscious to not only provide it with a permanent residence, but to actually allow it to evolve unchecked. The only kind of depression worse than one that sequenced from unfortunate circumstance is; one that you unwittingly brought upon yourself.
When a person endlessly struggles with seemingly irreparable indecision brought on by a mind that is too open - yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is such a thing - having their already impaired discernment further clouded by the hopelessness and anxiety a disorder like depression brings, can easily make them despair and sink into a self-destructive lethargy. If I ever find out who or what woke me from my five year long Conscious Coma, as that is the only term I feel accurately depicts the state of empty existence the aforementioned elicits, my gratefulness will likely move me to erect a monument in their or its honour (so the next time you visit New York City and pass by an obscure statue of something like a toaster, you'll know why).
The surprising and rather upsetting truth is that one does not need to have a bad childhood, be overly receptive or develop depression to become a victim of a Conscious Coma. It has also come to my attention that the majority of the people I've come across (it can be safely said that I've met more than most do by the time they are my age) are trapped in one and, like I had been, are utterly unaware of it. One of the few talents I have been blessed with is the ability to read people fairly accurately. Having observed the lives and overall demeanor of the empty shells these folks were turning into I was forced to, for the most part, rule out the same factors that affected me this way. In my opinion, my curiosity is one of my best and worst traits. Without it I would have probably avoided most of the unpleasant predicaments I had gotten myself into in the past - without it I would have also probably grown into just another not-so-blissfully ignorant sheep of the herd we call Society. So there it was, typically unsatisfied inside my head, poking and prodding me to look closer and listen harder.
Every single human being comes forth into this world equipped with two simultaneously most simple and most complex instruments with which they are to conduct their life; a mind to think and a body to be. René Descartes has probably been restlessly rolling over in his grave for hundreds of years then, because even though his famous phrase is very clear and straightforward people have either forgotten it, stopped caring about it or can no longer understand it. In result mankind has slowly but surely allowed the number of these so-called Conscious Comas and empty shells to grow at an alarming rate. In result - people have come to lose themselves.
I am someone who has never been able to view things in black and white. I see everything in shades of grey because I understand that every story has more than one side and every situation can be approached from multiple perspectives. This does not mean, however, that I am unable to see colour. On the contrary, it makes me realize just how many different colours the vast rainbow we call Life has to offer. Why, then, do almost all people choose the same ones? Or why can they not choose one now but another later? Or maybe even choose several at once? I am aware of the fact that some cultures literally forbid freedom of thought and action, but what valid excuse can be given by those residing in areas where such things are not only permitted but encouraged? There is not a solitary individual on the entirety of this planet - regardless of their gender, race, nationality, religion, class or sexuality - that is identical to any other. So having a life span this short, claiming to have the most intelligence of all other entities on this planet and being presented with a massive plethora of opportunities to put it to use with; why are people not only not taking full advantage of any and every positive thing they can accomplish, but letting themselves get so immersed in the mundane that they replace truly living with merely existing?
My little epiphany could be easily classified as a mid-life crisis that came about twenty years ahead of schedule. In a way I am still waging an internal war at myself to make sure I do not recede back into what was (if I was truly bedridden for five years, opening my eyes and catching up on what I missed would not have been enough, I would need to get up and learn to walk again). Personally I like to believe that a mid-life crisis is like a second chance given to those who misused the first. The problem is that rather than trying to reach the last ray of light people just let it gradually fade until they are finally plunged into complete darkness - but that kind of attitude is the reason that light starts to dim in the first place now, isn't it? Very few fully conceive just how much the bulk of our species take the Earth and everything on it for granted. Barring how we came to be here we need to understand that we will not be here forever. All good things come to an end and that includes the human race (though how good of a thing we have been lately is debatable).
However, whether or not people will ever come to terms with that or start opening their eyes again or even so much as briefly consider the opinions I have just expressed here; open your window and stick your head out. Look at how your neighbour's flowers lean towards the sun's position in the sky. How much brighter their colours appear when its rays touch them. How sweet their scent is as the warm breeze lightly carries it to you. How the elderly woman beams as she tends to them. How captivating her granddaughter's eyes are when they shyly meet your own...
Life is finite and very fragile, but to make up for that you have been given the gift of cognitive choice to make it as joyous and fulfilling as you can for yourself while it lasts. So folks...for crying out loud...free your minds, open your hearts and, most importantly - stop standing in your own way.
[Copyright 2009 Anna Borukaev]
After all, cognition and choice go hand-in-hand in governing any human vitality and - if one of the hands does not hold the other tightly enough or lets go completely - it has a hard time walking a straight line or veers off of it altogether. My own personal vitality, in its short length thus far, should have long since been picked up by a cop for jogging in zigzags down a freeway. Sure, nobody is perfect and that is a good thing. People's imperfections are what make them unique. But if there is a higher power of some kind, and they for some reason choose to keep a folder of every single person's mistakes; mine would have their own filing cabinet.
As of now I have been out of school for five years and out of work for roughly one of them (decided to take off one month, but a recession hit and turned it into fourteen). I spent - no, wasted the time racking up debts, alienating my friends and dating the wrong people. My childhood was not the worst but still far from the best, so I was almost expectantly diagnosed with Clinical Depression before so much as my middle school graduation, but all the necessary steps of medication and therapy were taken to pause and eliminate it. Naturally it never crossed my mind that all I really did was stifle it so far into the back of my mind, that I inadvertently embedded it deeply enough into my subconscious to not only provide it with a permanent residence, but to actually allow it to evolve unchecked. The only kind of depression worse than one that sequenced from unfortunate circumstance is; one that you unwittingly brought upon yourself.
When a person endlessly struggles with seemingly irreparable indecision brought on by a mind that is too open - yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is such a thing - having their already impaired discernment further clouded by the hopelessness and anxiety a disorder like depression brings, can easily make them despair and sink into a self-destructive lethargy. If I ever find out who or what woke me from my five year long Conscious Coma, as that is the only term I feel accurately depicts the state of empty existence the aforementioned elicits, my gratefulness will likely move me to erect a monument in their or its honour (so the next time you visit New York City and pass by an obscure statue of something like a toaster, you'll know why).
The surprising and rather upsetting truth is that one does not need to have a bad childhood, be overly receptive or develop depression to become a victim of a Conscious Coma. It has also come to my attention that the majority of the people I've come across (it can be safely said that I've met more than most do by the time they are my age) are trapped in one and, like I had been, are utterly unaware of it. One of the few talents I have been blessed with is the ability to read people fairly accurately. Having observed the lives and overall demeanor of the empty shells these folks were turning into I was forced to, for the most part, rule out the same factors that affected me this way. In my opinion, my curiosity is one of my best and worst traits. Without it I would have probably avoided most of the unpleasant predicaments I had gotten myself into in the past - without it I would have also probably grown into just another not-so-blissfully ignorant sheep of the herd we call Society. So there it was, typically unsatisfied inside my head, poking and prodding me to look closer and listen harder.
Every single human being comes forth into this world equipped with two simultaneously most simple and most complex instruments with which they are to conduct their life; a mind to think and a body to be. René Descartes has probably been restlessly rolling over in his grave for hundreds of years then, because even though his famous phrase is very clear and straightforward people have either forgotten it, stopped caring about it or can no longer understand it. In result mankind has slowly but surely allowed the number of these so-called Conscious Comas and empty shells to grow at an alarming rate. In result - people have come to lose themselves.
I am someone who has never been able to view things in black and white. I see everything in shades of grey because I understand that every story has more than one side and every situation can be approached from multiple perspectives. This does not mean, however, that I am unable to see colour. On the contrary, it makes me realize just how many different colours the vast rainbow we call Life has to offer. Why, then, do almost all people choose the same ones? Or why can they not choose one now but another later? Or maybe even choose several at once? I am aware of the fact that some cultures literally forbid freedom of thought and action, but what valid excuse can be given by those residing in areas where such things are not only permitted but encouraged? There is not a solitary individual on the entirety of this planet - regardless of their gender, race, nationality, religion, class or sexuality - that is identical to any other. So having a life span this short, claiming to have the most intelligence of all other entities on this planet and being presented with a massive plethora of opportunities to put it to use with; why are people not only not taking full advantage of any and every positive thing they can accomplish, but letting themselves get so immersed in the mundane that they replace truly living with merely existing?
My little epiphany could be easily classified as a mid-life crisis that came about twenty years ahead of schedule. In a way I am still waging an internal war at myself to make sure I do not recede back into what was (if I was truly bedridden for five years, opening my eyes and catching up on what I missed would not have been enough, I would need to get up and learn to walk again). Personally I like to believe that a mid-life crisis is like a second chance given to those who misused the first. The problem is that rather than trying to reach the last ray of light people just let it gradually fade until they are finally plunged into complete darkness - but that kind of attitude is the reason that light starts to dim in the first place now, isn't it? Very few fully conceive just how much the bulk of our species take the Earth and everything on it for granted. Barring how we came to be here we need to understand that we will not be here forever. All good things come to an end and that includes the human race (though how good of a thing we have been lately is debatable).
However, whether or not people will ever come to terms with that or start opening their eyes again or even so much as briefly consider the opinions I have just expressed here; open your window and stick your head out. Look at how your neighbour's flowers lean towards the sun's position in the sky. How much brighter their colours appear when its rays touch them. How sweet their scent is as the warm breeze lightly carries it to you. How the elderly woman beams as she tends to them. How captivating her granddaughter's eyes are when they shyly meet your own...
Life is finite and very fragile, but to make up for that you have been given the gift of cognitive choice to make it as joyous and fulfilling as you can for yourself while it lasts. So folks...for crying out loud...free your minds, open your hearts and, most importantly - stop standing in your own way.
[Copyright 2009 Anna Borukaev]